Mrs. Animaltime

A coupla weeks ago I mentioned a new Office Crush, and referred to the way she looked as "an anteater." And now I have another crush, and one glance at her and you can't help but think "turtle." And of course we all know my well-documented love of ladies who slightly resemble horses (in the face, not the penis.)

What the fuck? Is this normal? Am I attracted to these women, or fucking animals?

Now, I will say it's not a SEXUAL thing with the animals, but it being a crush thing makes me think I'd like to have a RELATIONSHIP with these animals, right? I can't really explain it otherwise. And hell, is that even the worst thing in the world? So I wouldn't mind having a turtle, or an anteater around to spend my time with; someone to talk to and confide in without having to worry about being judged, or about them running to their yenta girlfriends and blathering about how bad I am at eating pussy, or some such. And I wouldn't hafta meet an animal's parents, or family, or even any of their stupid friends either. Also, a horse for instance wouldn't care that I don't make as much money as  her friend's boyfriends, I wouldn't hafta hear some endless bullshit about pushing for a better job. Fucking christ. She'd just be happy I'm loading her bucket up with some oats. Does Xmastime wanna watch the game? Help yourself my good man, turles don't watch tv!! Or care what fucking station the radio is tuned to. Xmastime passed out drunk? Who cares? Certainly not Mrs. Animaltime!!!!


I'm just kinda talking out loud here. I've always said I should turn gay, since being a hetero hasn't worked out for me. Maybe I need to kick it up a notch, and go inter-species to find happiness?