The Angry Pussy Diet

8) Yesterday I played a song on my myspace page for a friend of mine. At the end he turns to me and actually says "Why so angry, buddy?" what? Why so angry? I’m broke. I don’t have a job. I haven’t had a girlfriend since 1995, the last time I got laid the only person on steroids was Delta Burke and McNuggets are up to $5/box….why so angry?!??! I’m not angry enough!!! Fucking christ. If anyone else wants to spray a gun around a crowded room the line should start here, fuckface. - XMASTIME

I've decided the only way I'm actually gonna lose weight is to dedicate myself to doing it so that I can tell all the girls who have rejected me to go fuck themselves. I mean nothing else works - "for my health," "so I'll be around a long time," "for the children" blah blah fucking blah." Let's be real honest. The only way I'm going to do it will be through sheer, spiteful, petty anger. Every time I'm gnawing on some godforsaken vegetable and walking 3 miles, I will picture some chick that won't give me the time of day and imagine a few months from now when she's all like "oooooh, you look gooooooooooood!" and I'll be like "whatevs, h8er, suck it" and go home with one of her hotter friends. Cause fuck her, that's why.

Here's me to all them bitches later on: