Wednesday, December 02, 2009

I Am Officially An Old, Sorry Fuck

Back when I was a young buck I was a proud athlete who's version of "working out" meant bench pressing close to 300lbs and knocking out wind sprints in 100-degree heat. Like most young, healthy people I couldn't be bothered to exercise unless it was a full-on, testosterone-fueled frenzy of sweat & blood. Just like how I always laughed at people who stretched before working out, I scoffed at off-hand "exercises" like shit they always tell you to do while sitting at your desk (except of course for kegels...keep doing that shit, you ladies KNOW I likes to have them sugarwalls grippin' & rippin'!*) And just now I find myself all a-tizzy "hey, if every time I stand up from my chair I do 10 arm stretches above my head, I'll burn calories!!!!"

Good lord. Gay liverspots, bursting. Somebody please shoot me.




* "grippin' & rippin'" is officially my proudest blogging moment. I am literally patting myself on the back right now.

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