OMG, Shit Really IS Coming Up Xmastime Now!!!!!

You people know how I feel about Rachel Ray's dopey fucking "rocker husband," a la HERE:

This fucking loser husband of hers. Enough. For fuck's sake, every time he gets mentioned they have to throw in that he's a "musician." As in "...and Rachel's husband, lawyer/musician __________" (that's right, I refuse to say his name.) You can picture him popping over her shoulder, making sure they mention his pretend-band. Dude. #1, you will always be known as Rachel Ray's husband. Period. #2, you're a fucking lawyer. You're not some scrappy kid trying to get gas money for his van, you're a 45 year-old LAWYER for fuck's sake. You have a real job, a career. Quit trying to push your band on us everytime the name of Rachel Ray's personal sperm donor has to come up. I'm sure there's a fucking Senator who can do balloon animals at parties, does he insist on being announced as "Senator/balloon puppeteer"? Fuuuuuuuuck!

And now, in overhearing a phone conversation with my band-promoting roommate, apparently Mr. Ray's incredibly appropriately-named "band" The Cringe is coming to Trash Bar, which is about 3 blocks from my house, on January 15. Which means that with a well-placed tablet of rat poison and some well-targeted sprays of Canoe Cologne, but this time next week I might be coming to you all as Mr. Xmastime-Ray. YES!!