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As Mickey's little hand has now slipped past the 12, it is my high school girlfriend's birthday, which means I will dedicate the rest of tonight's post to either old gems posted on her birthday in past years, or thoughts on her.

a la HERE.

Now that it's getting warm and restaurants are starting to put tables out on the sidewalks, I've decided to devote more time this summer to, upon walking through these tables, stopping, cocking my leg, and letting one rip BBBWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNKKK!!! and then patting my gut "ahhhh....much better" before carrying on walking. If you're thinking to yourself that setting such short-term goals is admirable of me I appreciate it, but let's not make it out like I'm some sort of fucking hero.