You're Doing It Wrong

Moi ICI:

4) Sometimes I wonder if I use things 100% wrong, the complete opposite of the way every other person does it. What if I stand in the shower wrong? For all I know everyone else stands sideways, or on one foot. Maybe the inventor of the toilet is looking down on me, horrified that I’m somehow not doing it correctly. Although I guess my college girlfriend would’ve told me; god knows she’d follow me in the can every time I had to release a small child. Wanna chat, have a big talk all of a sudden. “For fuck’s sake” I’d yell at her, “get out; I don’t even wanna be here for this!!!” Fucking hell.

Turns out there's a website where people think the exact same thing. 

This guy HERE has no such problem.

Hey look, I was fat in 2007; does anybody even remember that???

1) My healthy living routine got blindsided this past weekend by my birthday. That’s okay, it was a special occasion, I’m back on it. One of the things I won’t miss about being fat is that when you are fat, everybody wants to set you up with their fat friend. They think they’re doing you a big favor too; “you know what, I got a friend who’s really big, you two would hit it off!” Oh joy, we can make pork-fat slurpees together! You did it, YOU’RE the king matchmaker!! Maybe we’ll live in a huge tub of Country Crock and will be known as your “big, sweaty couple who can’t sit together on a fucking Greyhound bus!” True love!!! Thanks, we’re so happy!!!! What the fuck...I’m gonna start doing it myself, I’m gonna start saying “you know what, I got a friend who’s a COMPLETE fucking douchebag, you two would hit it off!!”