It's Official: We're Fucked.

Newt and Mrs. Newt-Until-the-Next-One have put out a movie pointing out the fact that the Rapture is here and we're about to be blown the fuck to smithereens, so we should probably pay him a bunch of money to watch a movie about our doom that is inevitable. Of course.

Of course he's also hoping to scare enough stupid people into voting for him if he does finally decide to run in 2012 (which he won't, but still.) The campaign tactic of "Scare the shit out of them!!" seems to be quite de riguer these days; we barely even notice anymore when someone's on tv imploring us that if we don't vote for them, brown dudes are going to walk into your kitchen and blow your house up.

Frankly, I'm tired of these guys half-assing it with vague, general hints about impending national annihilation. If I decide to run, I'm going full-on Denzellian Training Day-style, I would make it VERY CLEAR that if you don't vote for me I am going to come to your house and fuck your shit up. My typical campaign ad would go like this:

"I don't have a lot of time for this bullshit, so I'm gonna give it to you straight: I catch you down at the voting polls not voting for me, I'ma take your vehicle. I'ma make you walk home. I'ma let the homeboys up the hill run a train on your girlfriend. You know what a train is, don't you? This motherfucking ad has been approved by Xmastime who will, if I may remind you, cut your fucking head off and feed it to my dog if you don't vote for me, you limp-dick motherfucker!"

"I'll vote for you, I'll vote for you!! Please stop choking me!!!!"