/* MOBILE FIX: stop forcing desktop min-width */ @media screen and (max-width: 800px) { body { min-width: 0 !important; } .content-outer, .content-fauxcolumn-outer, .region-inner { min-width: 0 !important; max-width: 100% !important; width: auto !important; } .main-inner .columns { padding-left: 0 !important; padding-right: 0 !important; } } .date-header { background: #000 !important; display: block !important; width: 100% !important; padding: 8px 12px !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; } .date-header span { background: transparent !important; } .post-header-line-1 { display: block !important; width: 100% !important; background: #000 !important; padding: 8px 12px !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; } .post-header-line-1 * { background: transparent !important; } /* --- XMastime fixes: titles + date bars + mobile --- */ /* Post titles: stop random centering */ h3.post-title, h2.post-title, .post-title { text-align: left !important; } /* Date header: make the black bar extend full width */ .post-header-line-1 { display: block !important; width: 100% !important; background: #000 !important; padding: 8px 12px !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; } .post-header-line-1 * { background: transparent !important; text-align: left !important; } /* Mobile: stop forcing huge desktop width */ @media screen and (max-width: 800px) { body { min-width: 0 !important; } .content-outer, .content-fauxcolumn-outer, .region-inner { min-width: 0 !important; max-width: 100% !important; width: auto !important; } .main-inner .columns { padding-left: 0 !important; padding-right: 0 !important; } } /* FORCE post titles consistent */ .post-title, .post-title a, h2.post-title, h3.post-title { text-align: left !important; } /* FORCE full-width date bar across common Blogger structures */ .date-header, .date-header span, .post-header, .post-header-line-1, .post-header-line-1 span, .post-outer .post-header-line-1, .post-outer .post-header, .blog-posts .post-header-line-1 { display: block !important; width: 100% !important; background: #000 !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; padding: 8px 12px !important; margin: 0 !important; } /* prevent inner bits from “breaking” the bar */ .date-header *, .post-header *, .post-header-line-1 * { background: transparent !important; text-align: left !important; } /* MOBILE: stop the fixed 1218px width behavior */ @media screen and (max-width: 800px) { body, .content-outer, .content-fauxcolumn-outer, .region-inner { min-width: 0 !important; max-width: 100% !important; width: auto !important; } .main-inner .columns { padding-left: 0 !important; padding-right: 0 !important; } } /* DATE HEADER: make the black bar go full width */ .date-outer, /* FORCE FULL WIDTH DATE BAR NO MATTER WHAT */ .date-outer, .date-posts, .date-posts h2, .date-posts h3, .date-header, h2.date-header, h3.date-header { display: block !important; width: 100% !important; background: #000 !important; padding: 10px 12px !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; margin: 0 0 18px 0 !important; } /* force the TEXT itself orange and remove any weird inner box */ .date-posts span, .date-header span, .date-posts h2 span, .date-posts h3 span { background: transparent !important; color: #ff6600 !important; display: block !important; width: 100% !important; } -->

Friday, January 21, 2011

Congratulations - You're This Generation's Todd Marinovich

I don't have kids, so maybe I just don't get it, but nothing has struck me as more pathetic than the string of friends I have who spend their weekends carting their kids all over the state for baseball/golf/paper football/whatthefuckever competitions. Always, of course, thinking he's gonna be the next Mickey Mantle/Tiger Woods/Xmastime in 11th grade study hall/still Xmastime.

And now meet Nick Heras, age 14. Nick has decided he wants to be a quarterback in the NFL. Of course, he hasn't played a down of high school football yet, but that doesn't matter because daddy is dumb enough to drop over $50k/year to send him to the latest racket of rackets, the "youth athletic academy,"  which is jackass-ese for "hey, got some money? sure, we'll take it!"  Obviously Nick's dipshit father has plenty of money, so he's not necessarily seeing the kid as a winning lottery ticket, but he has apparently fallen for the latest craze in parenting: "I must find a way for my child to seem like the single most important, incredible thing IN THE WOOOOOOOOOOORLD!!!!"

Nick can't just be some kid who likes playing football; as a child, he must have a purpose - he must of course have been placed on the planet to grace us with his what will surely be a Hall of Fame football career.

One of three things will happen with young Nick:

1) we'll simply never hear about this kid once he drifts into high school football and is just one of 8 million kids playing, and he realizes you can't buy speed or talent.

2) he'll do everything right, go to camps all year long, have perfect form, be a coach's dream, shatter passing records, and then be buried on the depth chart by some kid who rolls out of bed his senior year and decides to play football and runs a 4.26 with a cannon for an arm.

3) Nick either discovers drugs or goes on a shooting spree once he realizes all the years he's pissed away thanks to dad letting him play make-believe (why not send him to a dude ranch? or the school of rock?)

It's idiots like this guy's dad that make the Chinese Tiger woman look perfectly reasonable to me.

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