Friday, January 21, 2011
Congratulations - You're This Generation's Todd Marinovich
I don't have kids, so maybe I just don't get it, but nothing has struck me as more pathetic than the string of friends I have who spend their weekends carting their kids all over the state for baseball/golf/paper football/whatthefuckever competitions. Always, of course, thinking he's gonna be the next Mickey Mantle/Tiger Woods/Xmastime in 11th grade study hall/still Xmastime.
And now meet Nick Heras, age 14. Nick has decided he wants to be a quarterback in the NFL. Of course, he hasn't played a down of high school football yet, but that doesn't matter because daddy is dumb enough to drop over $50k/year to send him to the latest racket of rackets, the "youth athletic academy," which is jackass-ese for "hey, got some money? sure, we'll take it!" Obviously Nick's dipshit father has plenty of money, so he's not necessarily seeing the kid as a winning lottery ticket, but he has apparently fallen for the latest craze in parenting: "I must find a way for my child to seem like the single most important, incredible thing IN THE WOOOOOOOOOOORLD!!!!"
Nick can't just be some kid who likes playing football; as a child, he must have a purpose - he must of course have been placed on the planet to grace us with his what will surely be a Hall of Fame football career.
One of three things will happen with young Nick:
1) we'll simply never hear about this kid once he drifts into high school football and is just one of 8 million kids playing, and he realizes you can't buy speed or talent.
2) he'll do everything right, go to camps all year long, have perfect form, be a coach's dream, shatter passing records, and then be buried on the depth chart by some kid who rolls out of bed his senior year and decides to play football and runs a 4.26 with a cannon for an arm.
3) Nick either discovers drugs or goes on a shooting spree once he realizes all the years he's pissed away thanks to dad letting him play make-believe (why not send him to a dude ranch? or the school of rock?)
It's idiots like this guy's dad that make the Chinese Tiger woman look perfectly reasonable to me.
And now meet Nick Heras, age 14. Nick has decided he wants to be a quarterback in the NFL. Of course, he hasn't played a down of high school football yet, but that doesn't matter because daddy is dumb enough to drop over $50k/year to send him to the latest racket of rackets, the "youth athletic academy," which is jackass-ese for "hey, got some money? sure, we'll take it!" Obviously Nick's dipshit father has plenty of money, so he's not necessarily seeing the kid as a winning lottery ticket, but he has apparently fallen for the latest craze in parenting: "I must find a way for my child to seem like the single most important, incredible thing IN THE WOOOOOOOOOOORLD!!!!"
Nick can't just be some kid who likes playing football; as a child, he must have a purpose - he must of course have been placed on the planet to grace us with his what will surely be a Hall of Fame football career.
One of three things will happen with young Nick:
1) we'll simply never hear about this kid once he drifts into high school football and is just one of 8 million kids playing, and he realizes you can't buy speed or talent.
2) he'll do everything right, go to camps all year long, have perfect form, be a coach's dream, shatter passing records, and then be buried on the depth chart by some kid who rolls out of bed his senior year and decides to play football and runs a 4.26 with a cannon for an arm.
3) Nick either discovers drugs or goes on a shooting spree once he realizes all the years he's pissed away thanks to dad letting him play make-believe (why not send him to a dude ranch? or the school of rock?)
It's idiots like this guy's dad that make the Chinese Tiger woman look perfectly reasonable to me.
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