Gunz & Poses

Scathing satire from the Onion re: our not even pretending to have learned anything or done anything after the Gabby Giffords' shooting:

So let's just say that we handled the tragedy with the sophistication it deserved. Let's say that we heeded the call for national unity and are as united today as we were five months ago; that the unspeakable violence left an indelible impression on all of us; that Congress came together and is currently working diligently on landmark gun control legislation; and that we are now living in a new era of mutual understanding. Can we do that?
If so, that would be great. Because after all, if we had just brushed aside the life-altering assassination attempt of a congresswoman, as well as the death of a federal judge and a 9-year-old girl without seizing the opportunity to address our nation's glaring problems, then all the shooting victims would have died in vain, and all 300 million of us would be irresponsible, superficial hypocrites with the attention spans of newborns.

This is a similar vein to what I've said over the years re: why do we even bother pretending to give a shit whenever these shootings happen?  We'll go through out "oh look, the cameras pointed at us!" faux-mournings, and then get right back to selling flamethrowers:

...to even sit here and think we’re gonna have serious change re: the gun laws is silly. So let’s stop with the “national grieving”, let’s stop with the utter shock. Let’s go about our day, shrug our shoulders and say “well, that’s the price someone else pays so that I can stock my house with a ton of guns.” You know, to “protect my family.” I don’t want one goddam politician or NRA dude onscreen crying, using some air time to squeeze out some tears about this “tragedy.” I want Charlton Heston on the screen with an AK-47 shouting “from my cold, dead hands!!” Cause that’s what we’ve chosen...Don't like it? Move to Canada, you fucking pussy; I'm buying a gun store.

Mine, however, at least had  a great line about domestic violence as well:

There's a better chance of Rihanna deciding to wake Chris Brown up out of a deep sleep with an airhorn.

Ha!