Baby Showers

For the second straight week, there was a surprise baby shower in my office, and for the second straight week when the honoree, upon being greeted with SURPRISE!!! shouts, didn’t have the wits to suddenly clutch her belly and yell “oh my god, my water broke!!”

Sigh.  Camon, people.  When Mamalizza was pregnant with Cherry Bomb, she couldn't go 3 minutes without doing that, because it's called COMEDY GOLD!! - XMASTIME

Xmastime buddy The Girl Who lists 7 Things NOT To Do At Your Baby Shower; besides the inane games that exactly nobody has remotely enjoyed in the history of baby showers, I've always found the fucking having to open presents in front of everybody to be agonizing, watching the mother-to-be hafta do an over-the-top "OHMYGODTHISISAWESOME!!" with every box she opens that has whatever someone randomly grabbed at the drugstore on the way to the fucking shower.  And then the person who gave it has to pretend to give a shit about whatever it is.  Brutal.  Unless she makes a point of announcing how each gift is a disappointment one by one, just fucking open them after everyone's guzzled all the booze you can't drink in front of you, for fuck's sake.

JERRY: Explain to me how this baby shower thing works.
ELAINE: What do you wanna know?
JERRY: Well, I mean, does it ever erupt into a drunken orgy of violence?
ELAINE: Rarely.
JERRY: There's no hazing of the fetus, or anything, is there?
ELAINE: No.