/* MOBILE FIX: stop forcing desktop min-width */ @media screen and (max-width: 800px) { body { min-width: 0 !important; } .content-outer, .content-fauxcolumn-outer, .region-inner { min-width: 0 !important; max-width: 100% !important; width: auto !important; } .main-inner .columns { padding-left: 0 !important; padding-right: 0 !important; } } .date-header { background: #000 !important; display: block !important; width: 100% !important; padding: 8px 12px !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; } .date-header span { background: transparent !important; } .post-header-line-1 { display: block !important; width: 100% !important; background: #000 !important; padding: 8px 12px !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; } .post-header-line-1 * { background: transparent !important; } /* --- XMastime fixes: titles + date bars + mobile --- */ /* Post titles: stop random centering */ h3.post-title, h2.post-title, .post-title { text-align: left !important; } /* Date header: make the black bar extend full width */ .post-header-line-1 { display: block !important; width: 100% !important; background: #000 !important; padding: 8px 12px !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; } .post-header-line-1 * { background: transparent !important; text-align: left !important; } /* Mobile: stop forcing huge desktop width */ @media screen and (max-width: 800px) { body { min-width: 0 !important; } .content-outer, .content-fauxcolumn-outer, .region-inner { min-width: 0 !important; max-width: 100% !important; width: auto !important; } .main-inner .columns { padding-left: 0 !important; padding-right: 0 !important; } } /* FORCE post titles consistent */ .post-title, .post-title a, h2.post-title, h3.post-title { text-align: left !important; } /* FORCE full-width date bar across common Blogger structures */ .date-header, .date-header span, .post-header, .post-header-line-1, .post-header-line-1 span, .post-outer .post-header-line-1, .post-outer .post-header, .blog-posts .post-header-line-1 { display: block !important; width: 100% !important; background: #000 !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; padding: 8px 12px !important; margin: 0 !important; } /* prevent inner bits from “breaking” the bar */ .date-header *, .post-header *, .post-header-line-1 * { background: transparent !important; text-align: left !important; } /* MOBILE: stop the fixed 1218px width behavior */ @media screen and (max-width: 800px) { body, .content-outer, .content-fauxcolumn-outer, .region-inner { min-width: 0 !important; max-width: 100% !important; width: auto !important; } .main-inner .columns { padding-left: 0 !important; padding-right: 0 !important; } } /* DATE HEADER: make the black bar go full width */ .date-outer, /* FORCE FULL WIDTH DATE BAR NO MATTER WHAT */ .date-outer, .date-posts, .date-posts h2, .date-posts h3, .date-header, h2.date-header, h3.date-header { display: block !important; width: 100% !important; background: #000 !important; padding: 10px 12px !important; box-sizing: border-box !important; margin: 0 0 18px 0 !important; } /* force the TEXT itself orange and remove any weird inner box */ .date-posts span, .date-header span, .date-posts h2 span, .date-posts h3 span { background: transparent !important; color: #ff6600 !important; display: block !important; width: 100% !important; } -->

Friday, September 30, 2011

Baby Showers

For the second straight week, there was a surprise baby shower in my office, and for the second straight week when the honoree, upon being greeted with SURPRISE!!! shouts, didn’t have the wits to suddenly clutch her belly and yell “oh my god, my water broke!!”

Sigh.  Camon, people.  When Mamalizza was pregnant with Cherry Bomb, she couldn't go 3 minutes without doing that, because it's called COMEDY GOLD!! - XMASTIME
Xmastime buddy The Girl Who lists 7 Things NOT To Do At Your Baby Shower; besides the inane games that exactly nobody has remotely enjoyed in the history of baby showers, I've always found the fucking having to open presents in front of everybody to be agonizing, watching the mother-to-be hafta do an over-the-top "OHMYGODTHISISAWESOME!!" with every box she opens that has whatever someone randomly grabbed at the drugstore on the way to the fucking shower.  And then the person who gave it has to pretend to give a shit about whatever it is.  Brutal.  Unless she makes a point of announcing how each gift is a disappointment one by one, just fucking open them after everyone's guzzled all the booze you can't drink in front of you, for fuck's sake.

JERRY: Explain to me how this baby shower thing works.
ELAINE: What do you wanna know?
JERRY: Well, I mean, does it ever erupt into a drunken orgy of violence?
ELAINE: Rarely.
JERRY: There's no hazing of the fetus, or anything, is there?
ELAINE: No.
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