Oh, Fuck Me, I Give Up, I'm Gonna Hang Myself in the Goddam Toilet

Dutch: You gonna stay here? Watch the football game on TV? Make a turkey sandwich and hang yourself in the toilet? - Dutch

As you already know, I've spent the last 30+ years searching for a croissant that can even remotely compare to the first one I ever had so you can imagine how thrilled I was today when I discovered a row of croissants on the bottom shelf of my usual little store at the George Washington Bridge.  I've been going there twice a week for three years and had never noticed them before; on a whim I said "fuck it" and asked for one, bracing myself for the usual disappointment.

Of course, it was fucking incredible.

Of course, it was warm, buttery, and flaky.

Of course, it's easily the closest I've ever come to that first croissant.

And of course, the store is closing up forever in a few days.

Sigh. Of fucking course.