6) “He/she’s going to a better place”Sully agrees.
This one always cracks me up. The one thing we will never, ever know as humans is what it’s like after we die, but people sprain an ankle racing to be the first dipshit to say “Well, he’s in a better place.” I don’t know about that. First of all, right here we got blowjobs, cheeseburgers and baseball. We can go to the beach, tell Yo Mama jokes, we can pay an “escort” to put on blackface and pretend she’s Nell Carter from “Gimme a Break.” Seems to me like that’s tough to beat. I don’t know what’s on the other side and I never will, but I’ll take my chances with a world that has potato chips and “Alf” dvds. Secondly, if death means going to a place that’s better than here, and you’re sure enough of it to say it out loud, why wouldn’t you kill yourself?
Of course, every person who's ever lived has found himself living in the most modern day in history up to that moment - nobody in the 15th Century stood around saying "dammit we are behind the times here; when will someone finally invent the iPad?" They were thinking "holy shit - they just invented hoisting gear? HOISTING GEAR??!!?! I say, that's it man, we've done ity. No way we're topping that."
