Paging Shirley Jackson

I’ve been noticing something recently. All my life, it’s always old people from “The Greatest Generation” that have hectored us young kids, pointing their wrinkled, bony fingers at us about no shortcuts!! Nothing is worth doing without hard work! Slow and steady, don’t cut corners!!

Yet every time I’m at a bodega, there’s 5 of these motherfuckers in line buying 10 lottery tickets each. Wtf? - XMASTIME

I got a Mega Millions ticket. At $640M (so far), what choice do I have? I try to avoid this generally, but about once a year I buy a ticket, rolling my eyes at my own stupidity, and yet by the time I've hit the sidewalk again I'm totaled convinced you know what, I honestly think I'm gonna win this. I mean, there's no reason I shouldn't right? By the time I got back to my loft I'd already decided what I'd buy, whom I'd give how much $$$ to, and whom I'd call up and say "fuck off!" to. Because I am the blogger who can no longer be embarrassed I don't mind telling you people that I honestly shook my head and said, out loud, "hey, I really like my numbers."

And I know that after they've announced the winning numbers and I'm staring at my own losing numbers I'll earnestly shake my head slowly, saying "What the...that shit's fucked up, man."

Sigh. I've turned into my old friend Harry:

EEEEEVery day Harry would check his lotto numbers from the night before, trying to match them with his own and see what he did wrong. “Okay, they have a 12, I chose 14...okay...22, I said 28...” I’m like Harry, it doesn’t matter, it’s completely random! But he insisted he was figuring it all out.

I will reiterate that is you do win, it should be the law that you hafta quit your job. Motherscratcher.