Christ, I'm Popular

Look, whether you're for or against women at the Masters or whatever I don't give a shit, but can we stop with this whole "war!" stuff every time Obama gives an opinion? No, Obama's not "at war with cupcakes!" because he doesn't want your kids to get fat, he wasn't "at war with Kentucky!" when he picked Carolina to win the NCAA, and he wasn't "at war with missionary!" the last time he had amorous relations with Michelle from behind. Calm the fuck down already. I know these people are itching to go to war with Iran or Syria or whoever will have them because of their tiny penises, but they need to remember that one thing they've turned out to be very, very bad at is, in fact, war, so maybe they need to quit using the word every time Obama changes the channel, ie "at war with channel 7!" - XMASTIME

John Heileman is hoping to piggyback off me by rolling his eyes at the "wars" the GOP shrieks that Obama is carrying on:

Phony wars are nothing new in presidential politics, to be sure, but rarely have they been this dimwitted, dishonest, debasing, or, when it comes to what the months between now and November hold in store, so utterly depressing.

Look, I'm not saying major, national writers in hugely popular magazines are directly ripping me off to somehow make themselves sexier, that's for my Wikipedia page to point out...WHICH DOESN'T EXIST because you people completely suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.