On Writing

Some of you may know that I am finishing up my first book, a romance novel set in present-day Brooklyn.  Thought I'd focus-group an excerpt with you guys:

Their lips slowly pulled apart as they regained their breath, her eyes finally opening as she came to.
"I...I've never felt like this before - I want to love you forever," she said.
He slowly nodded, looking into her eyes and sliding a hand through her long hair before finally answering.
"I can't wait to hit it, I bet your snapper is tight as fucking shit."

Any feedback will be greatly appreciated.