The Impossible Has Occured: The Eagles are Even Shittier Than I Thought

One time Op mentioned to me that Tequila Sunrise is a better song than Paradise by the Dashboard Light. Of course I rolled my eyes at the very notion of such a thing, to which he insisted "No, I mean it, th-" which I cut off with a "BUP-bup-bup bup!", waving an index finger in his face like a metronome needle. He kept talking: "I'm telling-" "AAAAAAH, bup-bup-bup-bup...(now slowing down, along with my finger so as to wind his idiocy down, along with lowering my eyebrows which had started at the top of my head and were now nearing their normal position)...bup......bup.................bup...............................................bup." And with that Op knew to shut up, that he's an idiot and I was right, so he curled up with a sleeve of Snackwells and cried like a baby. - XMASTIME

No one hates The Eagles more than me, and yet Marley brought it home with shocking clarity tonight that the Henley/Frye solo careers were somehow, inexplicably, EVEN FUCKING WORSE. Here's a rundown of their songs that were HUGE hits in 1980s, each more horrific than the one before:

Down at the Sunset Grill
Heart of the Matter
The Heat is On
You Belong to the City
Boys of Summer
Smugglers Blue
Dirty Laundry
Not Enough Love in the World
All She Wants to do is Dance
The End of the Innocence

Wow. These fucking turds make Boys of Summer sound like A Day in the Life times Bastards of Young. Jesus.In a bet I never would have won, these idiots' fucking output during that time (all of which were HUGE hits) is even worse than I remembered. It's like realizing the Holocaust, which already fucking sucked, was even worse that you'd thought. Wow. Steaming turds, your table is now ready.

Here's Marley playing guess the lyrics, trying to keep a straight face as I did years ago with Pour Some Sugar on Me which is, incredibly, better than any song on the above list!!!