Why You Need to Stop Worrying and Love Rock of Ages

Alec Baldwin & Russell Brand: I've mentioned before that these two need to get their own spinoff from this movie. They're amazing together. Of course Alec Baldwin is just flat-out funny whatever he does, and every line if his here is LOL-funny. My favorite (Baldwin is club owner Dennis):

Dennis Dupree: [after Dennis has accepted Drew's band as Arsenal's opening act] Okay. Call your band.
Drew Boley: [yells to Bourbon Room employees] Guys! We're opening up for Arsenal!
[Drew's band mates drop what they're doing inside the club, run on stage]
Dennis Dupree: Doesn't anyone just want to work in the bar industry anymore? 

I'm also becoming convinced that Brand should be in every movie that's made, even if only to lurk over peoples' shoulders when on the phone, shouting at them what to say. He could also have a second career introducing bands at shows, as did his character Lonnie:

Lonny: Drew... what's the name of your band, mate?
Drew Boley: Wolfgang Von Colt.
Lonny: ...and you're sticking with that are you?
Drew Boley: Yeah...
Lonny: [to audience] Please welcome to the stage very poorly titled Wolfgang Van Colt!
Drew Boley: ...Von Colt.
Lonny: [to Drew] It's not an improvement.
[to audience]
Lonny: Wolfgang VON Colt! 

and

Lonny: [to audience] Performing on this stage later will be none other than Stacee Jaxx!
[crowd cheers]
Lonny: ...but first! Making their debut on the Bourbon stage, the less important, but still somehow worthwhile...
[uncrumbles piece of paper and reads from]
Lonny: ... Z Guyeez... z?
Lonny: [shrugs] Eh, sure, give it a whirl I suppose.

Paul Giamatti: Giamatti's such a great "real" actor you wonder why he's here, but I can't for the life of me imagine a better balding-yet-ponytailed, obnoxiously gum-chewing grease-bag oil salesman as Stacie Jaxx' agent.Just looking at him gets a spittake.

Tom Cruise: of course the only reason the whole movie even remotely works is Cruise. There is no other major star who could've possibly pulled off such a ridiculous character, rock god-meets-zen Buddhist, and sold it like Top Cat. With typical Cruisian earnestness, not once does he play it with a wink, "lookit me I'm Tom Cruise, aren't I being ironic?" and it works to such a degree that by the end you're actually touched when he (SPOILER ALERT!) returns money to Dennis after realizing his scumbag manager had stolen it from his "brother in rock", and you find yourself happy for Stacie Jaxx when you see he's gotten his shit together. Doing such a thing with what surely was drawn up as an over-the-top joke of a character is a minor miracle, thanks to TC. Which, apparently, I knew a year before I saw the movie.