Maps, War and Me.

One of the many, many reasons I'd be totally useless in a war is that I couldn't read a map if you...well, I was going to say "if you held a gun to my head", but doesn't that go against my point - I mean, can ANYBODY read a map if someone was holding a gun to their heads? That's some fucking pressure, no?

But hell, I freak the fuck out when I'm riding with someone in a car (as opposed riding in Jules Verne's submarine, I guess) and they ask me to help navigate by using the maps app on my goddam iPhone, I start pretending "I'm not getting service", "goddam phone!" and on and on. That's how fucking bad my map-reading skills are: even when the map says "hey you, do this!" I can't follow. Ugh.

Just like how I could never be in the mob, I reckon. Or Thelma & Louise.

Sigh. Me: I'm really happening, aren't I?