My Life in Haircuts: What the Hell Have I Been Thinking?

...it occurred to me over Christmas, while I was getting a haircut from a woman - what the FUCK have I been thinking re: my policy of only getting my hair cut by grizzled old dudes? When it comes to sex I somehow let go of this policy, why can't I do the same with my precious coif? For fuck's sake...this chick wasn't even hot, but for only $12 she was running her fingers through my absurdly beautiful locks while rubbing her tits up against me, making my foot-long electric razor almost shoot shaving cream. Anybody getting these shaving innuendos? What the fuck have I been thinking? What the fuck, am I gunning for a Congressional Medal awarding me for being the last man on Earth to get a haircut for $8? Enough's enough.

Is there a place that gives haircuts by Hooters girls? Or topless, even? How much would you pay for that - you gotta get your hair cut anyways, why not by some smoking hot big-tittied chick who's tonguing your ear? Camon. Like Kurt Cobain, a no-brainer.- XMASTIME

Surely I'm not the first person who's come up with the Hooters barber shop idea, am I?

"You say you just want a little trim?"