From one of the very first
Things Are Good editions:
1) As this is the season to think about these things, and my life is
about to be taken over by college basketball (don’t worry ladies, my
foot-long fuck pump doesn’t need to see the tv, only my eyes), I tell
you what I’ve noticed through the years about tournament basketball.
It’s the end of a tight game, maybe it’s tied with 3 seconds left and
the coach calls a timeout and frantically waves his guys into a huddle,
and then you see him whip out an eraserboard and frantically diagram a
play. What the hell is this? You’ve spent the last six months of your
life taking 4 hours a day to drill plays into these players brains,
you’ve practiced every possible play for every conceivable situation,
and now here it is, the single most crucial 3 seconds of the season and
maybe your whole career, and you throw everything out the window and
come up with something brand new in 20 seconds. “Fuck it! Reggie, you
stand here, Luke is gonna throw you the ball here…” etc etc etc.
Shouldn't you be prepared here, shouldn't your team already know what to
do? Do I pay $75 to see Bruce scramble round at the last second and
change the chords to “Badlands”? n-y-e-t. It’s like my grandfather
always said to me – “kiss me the same way we’ve always practiced,
Sugarlips.”
"You couldn't have thought about this before right now, genius?"
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