Coaching Nonsense

Watching the Last Dance documentary, with all its last-minute gamr finishes featuring coaches frantically drawing up plays to drop the winning shot made me think of this from 2006:

1) As this is the season to think about these things, and my life is about to be taken over by college basketball (don’t worry ladies, my foot-long fuck pump doesn’t need to see the tv, only my eyes), I tell you what I’ve noticed through the years about tournament basketball. It’s the end of a tight game, maybe it’s tied with 3 seconds left and the coach calls a timeout and frantically waves his guys into a huddle, and then you see him whip out an eraserboard and frantically diagram a play. What the hell is this? You’ve spent the last six months of your life taking 4 hours a day to drill plays into these players brains, you’ve practiced every possible play for every conceivable situation, and now here it is, the single most crucial 3 seconds of the season and maybe your whole career, and you throw everything out the window and come up with something brand new in 20 seconds. “Fuck it! Reggie, you stand here, Luke is gonna throw you the ball here…” etc etc etc. Shouldn't you be prepared here, shouldn't your team already know what to do? Do I pay $75 to see Bruce scramble round at the last second and change the chords to “Badlands”? n-y-e-t. It’s like my grandfather always said to me – “kiss me the same way we’ve always practiced, Sugarlips.”

"NO YOU'RE NOT GETTING IT - YOU ONLY GET THE HALF PRICE DEAL IF THE PIZZAS EACH HAVE TWO TOPPINGS!!"