Thanks Geniuses

Article HERE about what to do if you fall on the NYC subway tracks includes this gem:

Climb back onto the platform if possible. The best way to safety is to climb back onto the platform, which sits roughly 5 feet off the track bed, said veteran track workers who spoke with the Daily News anonymously out of fear of punishment.

Really? Wow! Reminds me of my brilliant riff on beating the heat back in 2006:

3) With warm weather coming up I’m bracing myself for the inevitable advice we’ll get during the first heat wave: “Stay inside with the air conditioning on.” Really? Wow, thanks! Cause I was gonna cover myself in maple syrup, put on my heaviest wool sweater and spin in circles on the baking asphalt for a while. Thanks! Jesus fucking christ. “Stay inside with the ac on.” If I could do that, Professor, then I wouldn’t give 2 shits about the fucking heat, now would I? That’s like if I wanna be a millionaire, “Have a million dollars in the bank!” thanks, assface.

"Assface"! Ha! 

Signed,

Comedy Genius