Happy School Pizza Day!

(originally posted in 2011)

OVER AT SLICE they're asking if we remember school cafeteria pizza.  Ummm...what?  OF COURSE I FUCKING DO!  I'm "guessing" I remember more about the cafeteria pizza from high school than I do about any class I took in high school.  I guarantee I could do 20 pages (single-spaced, not that double-spaced faggot shit) on the pizza, and exactly zero on As I Lay Dying, or the four years of mathematics I allegedly took.

Actually it looked pretty much like the one in their picture but with a bucket of grease - if you were lucky, you got one burned to within an inch of it's life so as to add "flavor."  It was filled with those tiny, diced chunks of pepperoni, making that strange mix of cardboard and processed  glue  cheese that for some reason made kids line up out the door to get a slice.  Lunch bags would be left home for the day (or tossed), friends would be offered free slices to show up early and hold spots in line, therein making 3rd period Study Hall the place to be (luckily, I broke the record for Study Hall, so I was the fucking Man.)  All for something that, looking back now, probably shaved years off our lives.  It was like camping out all night for Beatles tickets, and then two decades later and realizing you'd seen The Backstreet Boys.

Also, "Pizza Day" was every Wednesday, which coincided with the other big event in our lives at the time, half-price pizza night at Roma's.  You'd think in such a tiny town they woulda worked something out so we weren't doubling up with pizza on Wednesday; then again, I'm sure there was an unwritten rule with all us kids "any of you motherfuckers blow the whistle on Magical Pizza High Day, I'll fucking cut you."  Funny, we kept a lid on our pizza day, but kids today can't keep their mouths shut when it comes to shutting the fuck up re: hot teachers fucking students.  Christ, this generation is a buncha fucking pussies.