Rock Critic Law

There was a time I had Michael Azerrad's brilliant Our Band Could Be Your Life memorized, but it's only now I learn he put out a funny book, Rock Critic Law: 

Michael Azerrad turns his trenchant eye to the art of rock writing itself, hilariously skewering 101 of the genre’s seemingly endless litany of hackneyed phrases and tropes.One of the finest music writers today, Michael Azerrad has catalogued the shortcuts, lazy metaphors and uninspired prose that so many of his beloved colleagues all too regularly rely on to fill column inches.

A few of my faves: 

During the interview, if a musician is sitting down, they are “seated comfortably.”

If multiple good musicians come from the same place, you MUST say “there must be something in the water.”

If the band is from a historically industrial town such as Detroit, Sheffield, or Birmingham, their music MUST be influenced by the sound of machines in a factory.

If the band is from a historically industrial town such as Detroit, Sheffield, or Birmingham, their music MUST be influenced by the sound of machines in a factory.

Whenever citing post-punk, you MUST describe it with at least one of the following: “spiky,” “angular,” or “arty.”