Rental Car Nightmare

I don't know who bothers to rent a car in these days of Uber but apparently doing so if a fucking nightmare:

Why is that car-rental employee typing for so long? We’ll never know. Why are the printers so old and loud and broken? Who could say! Will you ever get a straight answer as to how much insurance to buy, or whether to prepay for gas, or why it’s forbidden for you to drive this rental car out of the state of Florida? What does the pandemic have to do with Avis allegedly repossessing a rental car from someone’s driveway in the middle of the night in Teaneck, New Jersey, and then allegedly claiming to know absolutely nothing about it?

The rules are always shifting, too. You can’t pay with a debit card, except that in some cases you can, including, sometimes, when you’re at the airport and can prove that you have a return airline ticket in the coming days. Hertz has been the subject of complaints in the recent past from customers who say they were arrested and detained for stealing rental cars they had clearly not stolen. (Hertz has refuted these stories, and wrote to me in an email, “Situations where vehicles are reported to the authorities are very rare and happen only after exhaustive attempts to reach the customer.”)

Luckily Louis CK, aka History's Greatest Monster, has always had the solution!