Life & How to Live It

I'm having one of those "I'm fucking grouchy not because of anything big/meaningful but from a thousand fucking little things nipping at me" days, so I thought I'd cheer myself up with a WHAT WAS ON XMASTIME 15 YEARS AGO TODAY? moment...apparently I was sick & hungry, gee what a surprise. (to say nothing of the fact that also on that day I presented an incredibly early, forward-thinking solution for the whole trans thing!!!!) Enjoy!

Sick Pizza

I'm fucking sick and feverish and 400 degrees and I've spent a week trying to eat well and here I am so fuck everybody I'm ordering a pizza. AAARGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!

But I love the process of ordering a pizza. I haven't ordered pizza in a while, but I do recall a scenario similar to the following happening every time:

I called Papa John's, and a young fellow cheerily answered. He seemed ready to help me; eager even. I told him I'd like to place an order for delvery and he immediately barked "please hold!", put me on hold and presumably put out a small fire that had exploded on his work hat. What the fuck? Why even answer? So I'm sitting on hold, and to rationalize it I tell myself well, maybe this is just some flunkie, he's going to get the big daddy of delivery orders to talk me through the thing. BAM I'm off hold, and it's...the same guy. Oh, NOW he's ready to take my order. Did I just catch him off guard earlier, was he surprised when he picked up the phone and there was somebody on the other end looking to order pizza? Thus sending him into a furious pacing throughout the store, head in his hands "you can DO this Max, you can fucking DO this!!!" before taking a deep breath and picking up again? Wtf? After giving my order I half expected him, now that the pressure was off and he had handled things, to say something like "you know what, when you first called I was hoping it was somebody with a question about state capitals. You really got me with the ordering thing. It'll be about 45 minutes, enjoy your pizza."

This happen to everybody else every time they order pizza? EVERY time. Cracks me up.