15 Years Ago On Xmastime

1995 was, if I may repeat myself, a helluva year.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

1995

February: Broke up with college girlfriend, kicking off my greatest pussy run to date. "Man, it's ALWAYS gonna be like this!!" I remember thinking.
March: Sistatime! came from her high school (she was a senior) to visit. First time I had ever drunk beer with Sistatime! And by "drunk beer with Sistatime!" I mean bought her beer and then sat through a pledge trying to tell me he "liked her."
April: bought first computer (on the very day I met Eric Craft), was one of only two people I knew were online: me and RRTHUR. 2400 bps modem; could upload about 2 paragraphs an hour, which would blow you away like it was landing on the fucking moon.
April: hooked up with a girl who as I was about to "kick things up a notch" told me she had a boyfriend; to which I replied "yeah well, he ain't here, now is he?" NAILed it! And then her!
April: saw the Ramones for the last time, they played at my college and thanks to jennie fennell I got to hang out with them. I'm sure they were as thrilled as I was.
May: last time I ever saw my girlfriend, she was going home to Richmond, we starting making out. I told her she could only stay over if I got laid. She left.
May: Graduation Day!
May: Graduation Day + 1: the great pussy run ended. Going from BMOC to townie was harsh. They should warn people about this shit, there should be a fucking class about this....was I not at a pretend college, godammit??!?!??!.
August: went to Brooklyn to record the greatest ep of all time, changing music - nay, art, NAY - life as a whole. Did it in three hours, including teaching everybody the songs and 2 extra outtakes. AND probably broke for lunch.
August: got the best blowjob of my life cause RRTHUR left me alone, wasted, at the Halloween Bar with a "young lady" pouring beer down my throat with a hose so I'd fuck her. 300 pounds, yes (her, not me - it was 1995!); but still the best blowjob I've ever gotten. I guess she really HAD become great at putting stuff in her mouth.
Next Morning: woke up, had covered both her and her bed with urine. Snuck out to head back to RRTHUR's apartment, thinking hey, this is Brooklyn, she'll never find me, opened her door...it was right across from Rrthur's apartment. Christ.
August: Moved to Oxford, Mississippi. Yikes. First meal was at The Beacon, where the napkins are deep-fried.
October: bought my Telecaster in Memphis. $900. Hmm. That's paid for itself.
October: started a "band" with Rylo, which consisted of him tuning for 20 minutes, then yelling at me for 20 minutes, then him storming out. But we did crush Stagger Lee, 20 Flight Rock, You Can't Do That and Do Anything You Wanna Do. All, for some reason, in my nightshirt a lá Charles Ingalls that my Aunt Pat had sent me.
November: had THIS Thanksgiving. I promise you: this is on tape, and I will find it.
December: got my first real job after college, doing graphic design at Sir Speedy, a career field 1) I didn't really know existed and 2) neither did anybody else. But I called from the British pay phone on the Square, convinced him I had a Mac (a Proforma 475!) and was brilliant. Then I got stuck in a huge snowstorm in Virgina for 2 weeks. I do remember the last song I heard somewhere between Knoxville and Nashville before I stopped late night at a diner and called home on a pay phone to say I had gotten a job: PS I Love You. Slice.