Making Lemons Out of Lemonade

I'll be honest, I'm pretty surprised this is the first execution for death by baby shaking. And I don't know why The New York Times - or, as I call them, "The Times" - had to choose the creepiest picture of all time either, but here we are.

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn’t you rather magically get a light-hearted moment out of such a dark subject on your first zillion-selling masterpiece?”

Sigh. Yes I did, faithful readers, YES I did:

    “But you know what I think of when I think about that hospital room?”
    “Wha Rats?”
    He was all business, and had wiped away the last pretend tear from his Daddy Amazing’s leaving routine.
    “I don’t know if it’s true, but someone told me there’s a room in the hospital where they show a video of people shaking newborn babies out of frustration. Can you believe that?”
    “Shaking baby Rats?”
    His brow was furrowed. The Doctor was officially concerned.
    “Yeah, I guess whenever anyone has a kid they show them this video, hoping it’s so horrifying to watch that nobody will shake their kid after seeing it.”
    “No! No shake baby, Rats!”
    “That’s right, buddy, you don’t shake babies. But all I could think about was how funny it’d be to sit in the back of that room and, when there’s some poor couple watching it who’ve just had their first baby and are scared senseless as it is, as soon as someone starts shaking the baby onscreen just start busting out laughing, right? Ha!”