Monday, March 31, 2025
Computer Shortcut Zen by Theodore, Ultra-Conservative Right-Wing Stuffed Bear
🤔🤯🕺
In America.
Trump is the screeching toddler we brought to the busy restaurant & America is the iPad we're frantically giving him hoping it will shut him the fuck up.
Sunday, March 30, 2025
Questions. I Have Them.
The Beatles Questions. I Have Them (Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!).
Left in the Dark
“Left in the Dark” wasn’t a radio hit or a gold record.Sadly, I remember the excitement at the time about Courtney Love recording the song, meaning a windfall of cash finally for my email buddy Ken Draznik, but at the last moment Love pulled it from the album. Which probably, in the end, seems more right anyway. Somehow. I guess.
Its composer, Ken Draznik, hadn’t earned a penny in royalties from the 1979 song.
And yet, the song seems to have a life of its own, surprising Draznik as it surfaces again and again in versions by other rock musicians.
After Draznik recorded it with his Champaign rock group, the Vertebrats, “Left in the Dark” was played by two of the most influential bands of the ’80s and ’90s, the Replacements and Uncle Tupelo.
“Left in the Dark” was also recorded by Australia’s Screaming Tribesman, as well as DJ & the Shakes and the Swales.
And now, none other than the flamboyant queen of grunge rock, Courtney Love, has recorded “Left in the Dark.” Love, the former lead singer of Hole, plans to release her version soon, said her producer, Jim Barber.
Great to see one of my all-time favorite compilation albums getting some love❤️🎸!!! Also, "DJ & the Shakes" got an LOL 🤣🤣🤣🤣
WHERE IS THE 10-PART DOCUMENTARY SERIES THIS SONG DESERVES?!?!?!!?!? 😡
Just Putting It Here For Now So I Can Reference How Brilliant I Am Later
Fuck this John Fetterman motherfucker. 😡
Performance Art Bullshit du Jour
Wallen can be seen whispering in Oscar winner Mikey Madison’s ear as the show’s credits roll before walking off stage, noticeably ignoring the cast behind him.But other than rolling my eyes at this bullshit I'd also say it's an almost perfect distillation of the Blue State/Red State relationship; Red State's happy to take the money & publicity but then shit-talks Blue State & pretends it doesn’t need/want it.
Wallen added fuel to the feud rumors with a post-show Instagram story post, sharing a photo of his private jet with the words “Get me to God’s country” written in white over the pic.
Questions. I Have Them.
With revenge & owning the libs always at the forefront of any Trump & MAGA thinking, I'm surprised I'm the first person to muse if Artificial Intelligence wiping out white collar jobs is karmic revenge for previous technological revolutions wiping out blue collar jobs, and how are MAGA people so slow to declare this as another reason for Trump to be declared Jesus?
The New Yorker & The Manny
Chuck was never as impressed with the train, probably because by the time we made the platform he was distracted by my gasping, wheezing, near heart attack from carrying him down the stairs in the stroller (I didn’t have the heart to tell him the stairs had the same effect on me when I was by myself.) - WILLIAMSBURG RATS: A MANNY'S TOUR OF DUTY
Showertime with Xmastime
Note to Self
Self:
Find an opportunity to casually drop "hey don’t set the house on fire and then blame the fire department for being late 🤷♂️" into a political discussion.
I remain,
Xmastime
Find an opportunity to casually drop "hey don’t set the house on fire and then blame the fire department for being late 🤷♂️" into a political discussion.
I remain,
Xmastime
Saturday, March 29, 2025
Speaking of the Kiddie Menu at Restaurants
Kid's menu
or
Kids menu
An apostrophe can really make a difference, can't it?
"Major Hooters. Major Bob Hooters, U.S. Air Force, at your service."
Looks like all-time-classic legendary OG breastaurant Hooters may be in trouble:
But let’s be real, have you, alive person in 2025, heard anyone mention Hooters once in conversation? Let alone know someone who’s eaten at one? The restaurant isn’t even a cultural punchline anymore, because it simply doesn’t feel like a part of modern culture. It’s a souvenir from a time when men got all hot in their pants for bikini car washes and Jennifer Love Hewitt. A joke in movies from the era when Katy Perry still sang about various things being “so gay.” It’s where George W. Bush went to get a sad cheeseburger after vainly declaring “Mission Accomplished.” (I don’t think this is true, but it feels true in my heart.) It's a symbol of feminist horror from the 90s, when the most offensive thing a man could do is burp like Homer Simpson and insist on ogling cleavage and NASCAR rallies in equal parts.My second-favorite things about Hooters will always be a coupla years ago when I discovered they have a kid's menu.
I Just Can't
- I will kick a dog for $5
- Pussy
- What the hell happened to Stove Top?
- I don't miss the Army but I do miss showering with other men
- The Office (can be about work, the tv show, or the bathroom)
- Blacks...?
- What makes a great Arnold Palmer?
- LeBron/Stephen A.
- Pussy
- What the hell happened to Stove Top?
- I don't miss the Army but I do miss showering with other men
- The Office (can be about work, the tv show, or the bathroom)
- Blacks...?
- What makes a great Arnold Palmer?
- LeBron/Stephen A.
Sometimes I Scare Myself with My Own Genius
Should-be Hold Steady lyric:
PREVIOUS HOLD STEADY GENIUS FROM XMASTIME HERE
"And she said can you believe there's no tambourine in the middle 8 of No Reply,
I guess Paul really was dead after all."
I guess Paul really was dead after all."
PREVIOUS HOLD STEADY GENIUS FROM XMASTIME HERE
XMASTIME SITCOM EPISODE TITLE FACEOFF!
EPISODE TITLE: The Second Time Around
SITCOMS: Only Fools and Horses 1981, Cheers 1986
CHEERS: Sam sets up Frasier with one of his young bimbos. The day after their first date, Frasier announces that they are getting married--today.
I was pretty jazzed to read that this episode was the first one Lilith appeared in, but she was barely in it and in the end it was a perfectly fine but totally forgettable episode.
ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES: Del Boy tries to rekindle his romance with an old flame, but complications arise as he navigates love, nostalgia, and his brother Rodney's skepticism.
This episode, only the fourth of the entire series, was laugh-out-loud funny. Besides beginning the running joke of Del having been engaged so many times, it’s great to see Rodney & Grandad team up, and them going to the wrong aunt’s house is John Sullivan 101. This episode's also the first instance seeing the sadness of Del Boy wanting to find his soul mate; tho in this (and this case only) he can’t blame it on having to take care of Rodney.
WINNER: Only Fools and Horses
Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime
Picking which Beatles album's the best is like trying to pick which hundred dollar bill's the best.
Thoughts. I Have Them.
Louise only shot the creep who was raping Thelma after he insulted her, telling her to suck his dick. Until then T& L were walking away, Louise perfectly fine with letting a would-be rapist walk away unscathed. But insult her? BLAMMO! Doesn't this derail the entire premise/motif of the movie?
FULL DISCLOSURE: Geena Davis in this is easily on my "Top 5 Xmastime Ladies of a Specific Film" list.
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "didn't you furrow your brow over the absurdity of Thelma & Louise over a decade ago?"
Sigh. Yes I did, faithful readers, YES I did:
The thing I don't get about the ending of Thelma & Louise is that if I'm gonna drive a car off a cliff, I'm gonna want to really...READ MORE
Friday, March 28, 2025
Looking for a Podcast Partner for a (Surprise Surprise) Brilliant Idea of Mine
14-episode podcast in which we pull 14 songs from End of the Century/Pleasant Dreams/Subterranean Jungle to create THE perfect mid-period Ramones album.
Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime
Life. It's Really Happening, Isn't It?
I mean ffs if my comforter smelled like fresh hot popcorn every time I pulled it outta the goddam dryer I'd wash it way more often.
YYYYYYAS PLEEEEEASE du jour!!!!
Netflix is going back to the ‘80s. The streamer confirmed that it has ordered a pilot episode for a sequel series to the hit NBC sitcom A Different World. This pilot will focus on the now-married Dwayne and Whitley’s youngest daughter, Deborah Wayne, as she too begins school at an HBCU, though it is not yet clear if that institution will be Hillman.🤗🕺 🤗🕺
PS. SINBAD BETTER BE IN THIS THING!!!!
Inspiring du Jour
This video had me on an emotional roller coaster like I was getting my period during a Bridgerton binge watch; I've never rooted so hard for another human being in my life so if I find out this guy is fucking with her I will destroy him and everything he has ever believed in.
A Thought on JD Vance's Trip to Greenland
This was the moment Vance guaranteed the odds of Trump firing somebody just to make him look like a fucking idiot somewhere between 99.999% and 100%.
We Love You KIDS IN PHILLY
Just the other day I mentioned it being 25 years since Marah's legendary Kids in Philly was released; today we see it ranked CRIMINALLY TOO LOW 😡😡😡😡 on this BEST INDIE ROCK ALBUMS OF THE 21ST CENTURY:
Going back to the year I officially started my media career: This was a very hyped record in 2000. Nick Hornby was writing for The New Yorker at the time, and when he wasn’t publishing columns about how Kid A was a tiresome bore, he was praising these Springsteen-worshipping Pennsylvanians. As a Springsteen-loving Wisconsinite, I also adored Kids In Philly, no matter how anachronistic many elements were. (The horn section, the Jackie Wilson references, the lead singer who sounded like he gargled busted-up pieces of vinyl before laying down his vocal, etc.) Marah were a “return of rock” band who peaked one year before the press went crazy for The Strokes, which was just one example of them being ahead of their time. By the back half of the aughts, scores of Springsteen acolytes — The Hold Steady, Titus Andronicus, Arcade Fire, The Gaslight Anthem — would be currying critical and popular favor. But Marah got there first.Kids in Philly can make a claim for being the album of my lifetime. In many, many great ways.
You're Goddam Right, Wegmans...
J'accuse!
Fuck Trump
I'm not a news reporter so I can’t comment on everything piece of shit thing that piece of shit Trump does but it’s disheartening to see him now targeting the National Zoo and Smithsonian. Look it up yourself I'm too depressed to fucking do it myself.
Fuck him, fuck this shit, and fuck all the piece of shit law firms & businessmen, those staunch stalwarts of American bald eaglery who are not only bending over to take it up the ass from Trump, desperate to show themselves as the greatest of all kissers of the Orange Ring, but even doing it before he even bothers ordering them too. Pre-emptive ass-licking made to order from "men" we're trained like seals to worship as no-nonsense paragons of American strength and virtue. Awesome. But don’t worry, I’m sure as soon as you give Trump exactly what he wants he’ll leave you alone and of course there’s no way he’s still gonna fuck you up the ass anyway, he would never do that no not him, of course.
Friday Afternoon No Big Whoop Reminder
Speaking of ROSEANNE....
Maybe this goddam family wouldn't be so broke if they didn't spend 75% of their annual income on Halloween? 🤔 🤷♂️ - XmastimeI've never really given a shit about their Halloween episodes, which is a shame since each season's Halloween episode always seemed to be their big Super Bowl episode of episodes. 😬🤷♂️
Welcome Back!
The final season of The Conners kicked off last night, and while I don't have the skills to walk you people through how crazy it is that we've known these characters since 1988, besides being thrilled it's back and sad it's the end, I also see it as another opportunity to remind us all that Jackie Harris belongs in the all-time sitcom character Top 10 Hall of Fame.
NOTE: not one but TWO classic Jack videos below!!!!!!
NOTE: not one but TWO classic Jack videos below!!!!!!
Thursday, March 27, 2025
Wannabe THE ONION Headline du Jour
DWAYNE FROM 'WHAT'S HAPPENING!!' REVEALS IT'S ACTUALLY "HAY HAY HAY", NOT "HEY HEY HEY"
Garfield du Jour
I've always loved this one so when it popped up today I was happily ready to post it when I noticed how fence is spelled in the final frame; I instantly thought oh, his teeth/mouth must be mangled from the fall but upon further perusal, as opposed to sexually furtive perusal I suppose, that just doesn’t seem to be the case. Sooooooooo….is this a typo????? That’s been around for 43 years???? I mean I know that’s probably not how it is but dafuck Jim Davis???? 
In America
"...and so of course when Americans finally decided they wanted a King to rule over them they insisted on choosing the absolute worst human possible.” - THE XMASTIME BOOK OF UNITED STATES HISTORY, Harper Collins, 2078
No Dignity for This Motherfucker.
Lick It Up
I guess people have a problem with Gene Simmons letting fans pay $12,000 to be his roadie for a day:
And hell, it even looks like Simmons isn’t even being asshole cheap about this one:
"I was always curious, 'What's it like when they're in a hotel? What's it like when the stage is set up? What's it like being onstage when they're performing and seeing the audience from the stage?'" Simmons explained to the New York Post.Nobody thinks less of KISS or Gene Simmons than me, but this is the one decent idea this jackass has had since the makeup. If I have $12K laying around for this I'd do it in a heartbeat, there's a bunch of musicians I'd love to hang out with & get an inside look at how they treat & set up their gear for a show while badgering them about how they recorded certain songs I loved etc.
And hell, it even looks like Simmons isn’t even being asshole cheap about this one:
The five-figure fee includes breakfast at the hotel, helping assemble the stage, accompanying Simmons on his various promotional meetings for the day, get introduced to the crowd during the concert and take home an autographed bass.
Wednesday, March 26, 2025
Gonna Put in My Tinder Profile...
The Incredible Ada Limón Rolls On, Part CCVII
Last year I posted former Softball Sunday friend and Mrs. Xmastime! oh yeah and current 2-time national poet laureate Ada Limón being a surprise guest reader on Jeopardy!; last night not only was she the answer to a question but it was about Brooklyn! Where I knew her!!!! 😜🕺🤗🥎
The Dream of a Very Doable Future
As someone who very much loved living & working in a walkable city for 15 years, I stand with the first neighborhood purposely built to be car free:
Modeled on towns in Italy and Greece built long before the advent of cars, Culdesac Tempe is what its developers call the country’s first neighborhood purposely built to be car free.
Culdesac residents are expected to get around by the nearby light rail system, as well as on buses, scooters, electric bikes and by using ride shares. There are 22 retail shops, several of them live-work spaces, and a small Korean market. So far, 288 apartment units have been built on eight of the site’s 17 acres with another 450 units planned.
Culdesac’s two- and three-story buildings are designed for the desert climate, painted bright white to reflect heat. Not having to factor in residential parking allowed its architects to configure buildings to maximize shade and to design narrow pathways that encouraged breezes and social engagement.
“The pedestrian is really the primary person, the figure that you’re developing for,” said Alexandra Vondeling, the lead architect on the project. Big expanses of glass were eschewed, awnings added over sun-facing windows, and native plants and trees put in for cooling shade. There’s a wide walkway that can accommodate emergency vehicles, but no asphalt, reducing the urban heat island effect and improving conditions for the dogs that live there, too.
Culdesac residents are expected to get around by the nearby light rail system, as well as on buses, scooters, electric bikes and by using ride shares. There are 22 retail shops, several of them live-work spaces, and a small Korean market. So far, 288 apartment units have been built on eight of the site’s 17 acres with another 450 units planned.
Culdesac’s two- and three-story buildings are designed for the desert climate, painted bright white to reflect heat. Not having to factor in residential parking allowed its architects to configure buildings to maximize shade and to design narrow pathways that encouraged breezes and social engagement.
“The pedestrian is really the primary person, the figure that you’re developing for,” said Alexandra Vondeling, the lead architect on the project. Big expanses of glass were eschewed, awnings added over sun-facing windows, and native plants and trees put in for cooling shade. There’s a wide walkway that can accommodate emergency vehicles, but no asphalt, reducing the urban heat island effect and improving conditions for the dogs that live there, too.
LET'S DO THIS 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 !!!!!!!!
Life. It's Really Happening, Isn't It
I went on a riff that totally destroyed my office when I was walking out earlier this evening, I floated on air to the elevators as the peals of laughter eventually started dying down, and I continued floating until I realized I'd forgotten my jacket and the lightning fast Calculus in my head told me I couldn't push on & just leave it, so I had to go back amongst the throng to my desk, now feeling like a totally anticlimactic turd in my own punch bowl.
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "didn't a very similar thing happen to comedy genius Albert Brooks, meaning you're probably as much of a comedy genius as comedy genius Albert Brooks?"
Sigh. Yes it did, faithful readers, YES it did! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "didn't a very similar thing happen to comedy genius Albert Brooks, meaning you're probably as much of a comedy genius as comedy genius Albert Brooks?"
Sigh. Yes it did, faithful reader
Regrets. I Have Them.
One of the few reasons I'd ever wanna have kids of my own is so I can scream "hey at least my kid's not a fucking loser like your shitty kid!" at a Little League game.
I'll Say This.
The only thing I'm truly prideful about is how quickly I can make my tuna fish for the week, 4 Bumblebee cans worth; I think I'm only a coupla weeks away from crossing the hallowed 5-minute mark. 🤞🐝🎣
Oh My 😬
Footage of Trump's Dream Team of Dipshits after yesterday's massive security breach has been found, and it's even worse than you think.
Tuesday, March 25, 2025
Something You People Should Know About Me.
That’s interesting – I’m generally right-handed but whenever I shoot pool and on the few occasions in which I’ve shot a gun I’ve always done both with my left eye; I also learned over the years when playing with a band that I could hear everything more clearly if I tilted my left ear up & out towards the stage monitors. True story!! Hand to god!!
Monday, March 24, 2025
Speaking of Anniversaries...
..20 years ago today The Office made its debut!
I've blathered on here a million many times over the years - we debuted in the same year! - about the show, just do a search, sit back and enjoy yourself while we all thank god for The Office.
Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime
Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime 😔
25 Years Ago Today
Grocery Store Packaging du Jour
Gee.
Questions. I Have Them.
If they ever do take social security away then wouldn't everybody immediately sue the government to get back all the money they've earned for decades that was taken away under the auspices of social security? How have I not heard anyone else bring this up?
Sunday, March 23, 2025
Speakling of the Incredible I'M WAITING FOR THE MAN...
Incredible Moments in Rock, by Xmastime
I'M WAITING FOR THE MAN
The Velvet Underground & Nico - The Velvet Underground, 1967
The rhythm guitar with about a minute to go starts sounding like someone snapping yards of sheet metal in the air. Incredible.
Saturday, March 22, 2025
Life. It's Really hapening, Isn't It?
I like when people use the phrase "I gotta be honest" because in only four words they convey the message that telling the truth is literally their last resort.
Fuck This Asshole.
The Office Questions. I Have Them.
Jim putting Dwight's desk in the bathroom has always been my favorite Jim prank, partly for the premise itself but even more so for Jim not only calling Dwight but having a specific question and Dwight earnestly answering it; somehow I've watch it about 100000000 times & somehow I'm only now just noticing ummmm why the fuck would Kevin bring his sportcoat into the stall when he's taking a dump????
Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime
Normal Regrets
One of the worst things about your parents dying when you're 18 is that for every one of those 18 years they're the 2 exact people in the world you're the least interested in learning anything about; years later you wonder if you even really knew them at all.
Friday, March 21, 2025
Quote du Jour
I Know How to Make the World a Better Place Real Quick
LET’S GET 100 MILLION COMMENTS FOR THIS SO PETER BUCK WILL RECORD A COVER OF IT!!
Thursday, March 20, 2025
(Don't) Curb Your Enthusiasm for Fawlty Towers
Was this scene from Curb Your Enthusiasm below inspired by the famous Fawlty Towers scene I've paired it with? I've heard Jerry Seinfeld talk about how much he loved Monty Python many times, but I don't think I've ever heard Larry David mention them.
XMASTIME JUDGEMENT: Cleese's is much funnier, his physical performance (as usual) is just next level. And because he's John Cleese of course he can walk you through WHY the particular branch he ended up using was funnier than other branches. 🤗🤣
XMASTIME JUDGEMENT: Cleese's is much funnier, his physical performance (as usual) is just next level. And because he's John Cleese of course he can walk you through WHY the particular branch he ended up using was funnier than other branches. 🤗🤣
HOT TAKE, by Xmastime
Not only is The Boys of Summer the best song written by a member of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, to me it's probably not even really close.
But you people already know what I think of these people & their shenanigans:
Brooklyn @25 (belated)
[XMASTIME NOTE] I moved to Brooklyn 25 26 27 years ago this past January; throughout the year I'll be noting things, no matter how small they are in reality, that I remember & associate with those first few days/weeks/months of living in the greatest city in the world.
One of the first (only, actually) cds I got when I moved to Brooklyn was NYC legend Vinny Scelsa ("Vin Scelsa's on the radio Ramones are hangin' out in Kokomo...") live songwriters series, The Bottom Line ("... A Bunch Of Songwriters Sitting Around Singing"). I bought it because I saw it had a solo Joey Ramone performance of I Wanna Be Sedated (incredible, almost acapella and with a great story), 27 years later now the one that still sticks to my ribs is Richard Thompson's incredible I Feel So Good (which was my gateway to one of my all-time favorite guitar performances), which I listened to over & over on a loop while I lay in the darkness every night in my upstairs bedroom at 232 Ainslie Street. This is one of my first memories at 232 Ainslie Street with Rrthur and Mrs. Rrthur, fresh from moving to Brooklyn USA with everything & nothing in front of me all at once.
SEE PREVIOUS BROOKLYN @25 STUFF HERE
SEE PREVIOUS BROOKLYN @25 STUFF HERE
XMASTIME BONUS: after listening to this for 27 years, right now's the first time I've ever watched it. Crazy. 🤗 🥲
The Key to Moi, by Xmastime
In my building we don't have keys for any of the doors, it's all on a phone app funk you people very much, which obviously is yet another thing that makes me better than you, and only once a week do I truck downstairs with the one key I have left in my life to check my mailbox.
Walking back up to my doorway after returning from my mailbox just now I felt myself absentmindedly, instinctively reaching for my key, which I thought to be very interesting, so now you tell me does that make me:
?
Walking back up to my doorway after returning from my mailbox just now I felt myself absentmindedly, instinctively reaching for my key, which I thought to be very interesting, so now you tell me does that make me:
1) old af
2) old af but very interesting
3) locked out of my apartment
2) old af but very interesting
3) locked out of my apartment
?
Insta du Jour
Incredible Moments in Rock, by Xmastime
DAVID WATTS
Something Else - The Kinks, 1967
The drums kicking back in at exactly 2:13, it sounds like cannons thumping out rubber cannonballs against the wall. Incredible.
Global Butter Influencer. I Am One.
Just a few short months ago I posted the brilliant video below, and now OH GEE ALL OF A SUDDEN WHADDYA KNOW butter is what's hot for the kids these days:
There’s been some serious competition from butter yellow, that cheerful color that resembles the shade of a stick of Kerrygold, and seems, far more than Mocha Mousse, to be taking over fashion week runways, red carpets, and home decor and cookware. Timothée Chalamet recently made waves when he sported an unconventional butter-yellow leather suit on the red carpet of the Oscars. Last month, KitchenAid unveiled Butter as its new 2025 colorway, deeming it “Color of the Year” (Pantone be damned) and explaining that 52 percent of consumers “connect a buttery yellow color with comforting homemade meals.”(Curtsy)
I look forward to the next time I brilliantly (and butterly!) influence you nice people this greatly. 😔
Questions. I Have Them.
If old horses from the days before cars came back would all the horses today make fun of them for carrying humans around all the time like suckers? 🤔🤷♂️
Wednesday, March 19, 2025
Depressing du Jour
The more things change the more they stay the same, based on something your ol' pal Xmastime wrote back in 2008:
Ironically, the last 7 years or so of relentless fear-mongering by the administration have made me LESS scared than I could have possibly been before. You can only be told so many times about entire races of people desperately looking to SWARM over the country and destroy everyone in sight before thinking “well, where are they? if they so desperately wanted me dead because I have an iPod, well then they prolly woulda done it by now.” While I’m waiting for our inevitable slaughter, I wouldn’t mind having some health care/being able to buy gas/send my kid to college without selling my sperm etc (a conundrum...if I'm selling my sperm, where's the kid come from???!!! Next week on Nova!!!) Let the military that we love to cry over how brave and heroic they are do their jobs, and in the meantime let’s make sure we’re a country worth blowing up in the first place.
🤔🤷♂️
Inspiring du Jour
One man's struggle to record his own audiobook:
But when Hanley leaned into the microphone to read from “Spellbound,” his candid account of growing up dyslexic, he sounded more like an anxious student than the seasoned comedian he is.Of course I'm buying it; I've never listened to an audio book and probably won't start now but for god's sake I am not made out of stone, people.
He eked out 13 words, then stumbled, exhaling sharply in triplicate, Lamaze style. He tried again, the same sentence with slightly different intonation. Puff, puff, puff. And again, making it through three more words. Puff, puff, puff. On his fourth attempt, Hanley choked up.
It was his 60th hour in the booth at his publisher’s office, not counting practice sessions at home. Most authors are at the studio for a fraction of this time; the average recording length for a 7.5 hour audiobook is 15 hours. But because Hanley has severe dyslexia, the process was protracted. And complicated. And emotional.
“I was told that I was dumb and lazy my whole life,” Hanley said. Then he started to cry.
TV Ideas. I Have Them.
Reality show wherein people who work in large corporate office buildings take you inside the world of far-off, hidden bathrooms deep inside the building that nobody else has ever seemed to find.
TITLE: WELCOME TO THE BOWELS
Looking for investors, everybody!! 💰💰💰💰
TITLE: WELCOME TO THE BOWELS
Looking for investors, everybody!! 💰💰💰💰
State du Moi
I got the “WAITING FOR MIDNIGHT TO HIT SO YOU CAN HAVE THAT SLEEVE OF OREO COOKIES SINCE THE CALORIES WON’T COUNT UNTIL TOMORROW WHEN YOU’LL FORGET ABOUT THEM ANYWAY” blues.
Tuesday, March 18, 2025
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