Another thing I love about the Corporate Bathroom is giving other dudes performance anxiety. You can spot them a mile away - small, nerdy indie-rock dude with Buddy Holly glasses. In other words, the guy from Weezer. I’ll rumble in and hit the urinal right next to him, and you can sense dude locking up!!! I guess he’s thinking I’ll lean over, take a look, and then text every girl he’s ever had a crush on “Smallish.” Cracks me up every time!
Oh, and I’ll wait him out, too. I’ll stand there post-piss for about another 20-30 seconds as dude anguishes next to me. Poor fucker. Hey, it’s the only sense of revenge I can get on the guy with the cleanest hands in the world.
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