My biggest dream would be to have a cooking show wherein a little kid is my sidekick, and I horrify the audience with how impatient I get with him. JUST AS I WROTE HERE LAST YEAR:
Wouldn't a more realistic show be more entertaining?
"I heard you in the other room, what were you doing?"
"Playing!"
"(rolling eyes) You can't hit the books like your smarter, more talented brother? No wonder you're an idiot!"
And nothing the kid does would be "perfect", right?
"Okay son, cut the potatoes this way...no no, other way...OTHER WAY!!! Jesus f&*&^&ing christ, OTHER WAY IDIOT!!!!"
Kid tries to leave all the time, "oh, what, you wanna go with your mother? You wanna go play with your dolls?!?!?" "Action figures!!" "They're dolls!! Fine, go play with your mother, little girl!!"
"Back away from the oven, it's hot...I said BACK AWAY....alright, you wanna play with the goddam oven? (grabs kid's hand, holds it against the hot oven, kid screaming his head off) gotta learn the hard way, dontcha, dummy? How's that feel? huh? HUH???!!! Feels good, asshole???!!!" Nothing ends up being cooked, just the kid crying at the end, father shaking his head, baffled.
Hahaha. Hey, who wouldn't wanna see that? You know how great I work with kids!!!!
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