Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Jennifer Love Xmastime is a Goddam Genius

J-Lox is making it easier on her suitor (me):
The pressure is off Jennifer Love Hewitt's future husband. She has already picked out her wedding ring – actually, three.

"I feel like I'm doing the guy a favor," the actress, 31, tells Ellen DeGeneres in an interview airing Tuesday on her talk show. "I don't want to be upset if he picks a bad ring, so I feel like having three picked out and saying, 'Look! Look at this plethora of things you can choose from!' "

The Ghost Whisperer star, who found the rings at Tiffany's, plans to explain to her beau: "If you chose one of these three, I'm going to be really excited. And if you go off on your own, we can have an awful, awkward moment. So, why would you want to do that?"

I can't think of anything more stupid and terrifying than picking out a goddam engagement ring. You gotta blow a ton of dough, then you hafta hope she's thrilled out of her mind about it, that it's the "perfect!!!" ring for her. All for something I cannot imagine giving two shits about. I'd rather buy the cheapest, piece of crap ring in the world, then make up some story about my grandmother gave it to me as she was dying, and she got the ring while saving orphans from a fire or some shit like that. Really test how much my fianceƩ loves me, knowwhatImean? I mean, I'm not gonna tell a dog ate it and then shit it out, so calm the fuck down.

But kudos for Jennifer for offering to remove this whole charade, and not making some dude hafta pretend he gives a shit about the fucking ring. Maybe after we get hitched, she can go a little further, and not make me pretend I give a shit about her friends or family.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Where did you attend school? The Darth Vader School of Romance?

Kiko Jones said...

Yeah, that engagement is gonna last: it's bad enough she referred to him as "the guy" on national television, but this is a woman who broke up w/someone by returning the engagement ring via FedEx. And no, the fact that the dude was Carson Daly doesn't make it any less crass.