Today's Walk (Yes I'm a Fitness Freak, DEAL With It!)

Williamsburg is alive with tittays today, my friends. They're everywhere, they're a-blazing, and it's impossible to not look. Which leads to these problems:

1) Chicks who wear t-shirts with "clever" sayings over their tits and then get pissed when they catch me trying to read them. “Ogling pervert”, they glare. Yes, wearing a shirt that says “Meet the Twins” or “Got Milk” makes you the funniest person in the world, just don’t get pissed when it’s me and not Brad Pitt reading it. You want me to not notice your chest, how bout not having something that screams “please read me!!” I don’t have a video iPod carved into my dick for attention; if I did I might expect looks and not get bent out of shape when it happened. So calm down. Unlike you, I’m actually trying to read something.

2) Dudes out with their girlfriends who take issue with you even glancing at their girls. Hey guess what, I wasn’t the one who let her out of the house looking like a New York walking poodle slut. Did you not see her when you were leaving the house? Did you not think to yourself "you know, if I saw some chick walking down the street with her thong up to her ribs and cut-off shirt barely covering her fake titties, I might look for maybe 1/32th of a second?" Either get used to dudes looking at her, or date ugly woman.

Obviously ogling is not okay, but a trained master like myself has already peeped your girl's titties five times before you've noticed once.

Hey, you gotta be the best at something, right?

Crif Dog fucking sucks - if I pay $3.50 for a plain hot dog it better be 1) incredible 2) two hot dogs. The one I got duped into buying a few months ago was neither. However, these Ali/Liston posters they have up everywhere are pretty great:

I dedicate so much of my hatred towards the Mets and Jets that I sometimes forget that the Red Sox can kiss my ass too; yesterday's wrecking of Fenway's 100th birthday by the Yankees was made even sweeter by the occasion's including A-Rod passing Ken Griffey, Jr for 5th place in career home runs, and Jeter passing his boyhood idol Dave Winfield in base hits.

“It means I’m getting older, that’s for sure,” Rodriguez said. 

Suck it Beantown bitches! Maybe during today's game Jeter can piss on Ted Williams' popsicle head while A-Rod burns down every Dunkin' Donuts in town. Wicked awesome, indeed.

I also came upon this box.

I stood there looking at it for a while, wondering if it was some social experiment. Then I couldn't figure out what would be better to find under there if I looked, $100,000 in cash or a King Cobra, so I decided to move the fuck on with my life already.

Does my refusing to take off my headphones while cranking Highway to Hell during a transaction with the bank teller make me more of a fucking bad-ass than you? That's for my future biographers to say, not me, but I'd definitely say that leans me a little bit further towards "yes" than before.