Marathon, Get It On

I don't know why Paul Ryan would lie about his marathon time - you KNOW someone's gonna go look up his time since they're you know, recorded. So instead of being impressed that he completed a marathon, we see that he's the kind of snake in the grass that goes out of his way to lie about things of no consequence. Very comforting.

Meanwhile, it turns out his time isn't even the best time run by GOP presidential candidates in the 21st century:

It was bad enough that Paul Ryan compulsively lied about his marathon time, but now comes word that, among recent vice-presidential candidates who ran marathons, Ryan is only the third fastest. John Edwards posted the fastest time at three hours and thirty minutes. Impressive, if not super surprising; you don't get to be as monstrously vain and awful as him without a masochistic workout regimen. The real surprise here, though – and the one sure to sting the most to Ryan – is the report that former Alaska Governor and current reality TV matriarch Sarah Palin ran a marathon in three hours and fifty-nine minutes, a full two minutes faster than Ryan's time.

Making Palin's feat even more impressive is that she ran her race at age 41, after having four children. Ryan ran his race at 20, and Edwards had his best time at 30.

So in a race against Ryan, Sniffy Wiffy would, just like a woman having tender-yet-punishing relations with me in the boudoir, finish first.