This Fucking Heat

Today was the hottest day since the evening in the summer of 1999 when I was naked on my bed laying ice cubes on my chest. Then the cable went out. Then, looking through my door into the kitchen, all of a sudden the toaster, which wasn't even on, burst into flames. I didn't even get up. "Seems about right," was all I could think. - XMASTIME

Sitting in my almost-freezing apartment after being in my almost-freezing office all day makes me shake my head with wonder re: how the fuck I survived those blazing fucking Brooklyn summers without a/c. And today NYC apparently set a new power usage record, breaking the record from June 22, 2011.

Going back through my archives, I see I posted about the goddam heat 6 times that day. Ugh. My favorite post of the day, however, was this one. Well, and this one.

Of course, there's always this:

3) With warm weather coming up I’m bracing myself for the inevitable advice we’ll get during the first heat wave: “Stay inside with the air conditoning on.” Really? Wow, thanks! Cause I was gonna cover myself in maple syrup, put on my heaviest wool sweater and spin in circles on the baking asphalt for a while. Jesus fucking christ. “Stay inside with the ac on.” If I could do that, Professor, then I wouldn’t give 2 shits about the fucking heat, now would I? That’s like if I wanna be a millionaire, “Have a million dollars in the bank!” thanks, assface.