Jesus Is Just Alright

Senior year of high school, I was voted the Class Clown. The year before, my brother was voted “Most Intelligent”, “Most Athletic” and “Most Likely to Succeed”, so obviously I decided that by getting Class Clown the next year I’d complete the coveted “Senior Superlative Grand Slam” for the family. Nice. Jokes on him, tho – he may have grown up to be rich, successful, with a wife and kid but I SERIOUSLY doubt he invented the peanut butter & Dorito* on Jewish rye sandwich or the back fart.

All of this is to say that I'm somewhat familiar with growing up in a brother's shadow. However, I will say that the motherfucker of all overshadowed brothers must have been none other than James, whose brother was....Jesus Christ:

The James ossuary is a 2,000-year old chalk box which was used for containing dead bones. Carved into one side of the box there is an Aramaic inscription that reads, "Ya'akov bar-Yosef akhui diYeshua" (English translation: "James, son of Joseph, brother of Jesus").

Now THAT must have been a bitch. "Your brother just cured a leper, what the hell have you done all day?" "What is this, water? Really? We have a 100 people here, and we're supposed to have WATER? For fuck's sake, go get your brother, he'll fix this. Idiot."


* EDITOR - turns out Xmastime's brother DID invent the Dorito, however.