Dr. Seuss, Whack Motherfucker

For some reason they're publishing another Dr. Seuss book today, because yeah that's really necessary. The Onion nails it as usual re: Dr. Seuss highlights:

• 1948: Whittles down 580-page manuscript on horrors of WWII into If I Ran The Zoo
• 1960: Green Eggs And Ham delights children worldwide with its timeless message about caving in to repeated harassment
• 1982: Feels immense embarrassment after seeing image of actual cat for first time in life
• 2015: Local dad John Reardon powers through his 54th reading of Fox In Socks

And it turns out some people aren't in love with the good "doctor" in the first place:

There’s Jennifer Graham, who once took to The National Review as a frustrated mom.
“I always thought the point of reading to children was to teach them about language,” she writes. “How does Dr. Seuss help? Heck, he knew so few words that he had to make most of his up.”

There’s Amy Mascott, a state-certified reading specialist in Maryland, who wrote a blog post two years ago that began with a confession: “I don’t love Dr. Seuss. I don’t, and I haven’t, and I won’t. So there. I said it.”

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't you call this 7 years ago?"  

OF COURSE I DID!!