"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "wasn't that bear one of Xmastime's first (and funniest!) characters ever?"
Sigh. Yes he was, faithful reader
INTRODUCING THEODORE
THEODORE'S PIGSKIN PICKS!
THEODORE VS. PADDY MAC ON MARAH'S 2002 ALBUM "FLOAT AWAY WITH THE FRIDAY NIGHT GODS"
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND of course Theodore's lost Yankees broadcasting audition reel, which was so brilliant I’m re-posting the whole thing below YOU'RE WELCOME, EARF!!!
Some of you Xmas fans from the beginning may remember Theodore, the ultra-conservative right-wing stuffed bear. We haven't heard from him in quite a while; but now something from his past has created quite a stir over at The Smoking Gun. For years now some of us close to Theodore have had to hear him rant and rage against the New York Yankees for not hiring him to be a broadcaster, despite an "amazing" audition tape he sent in years and years ago. The legend of this tape had grown over the years; by now we had been led to believe (by, of course, Theodore himself) that this tape was the single greatest recorded moment ever, it was Cosell times Michaels, and the only reason the Yankees didn't hire him was that they were intimidated by 1) such amazing work 2) such amazing work having been done by, of all things, an ultra-conservative right-wing stuffed bear.
Of course, nobody else had actually seen this tape...until now. Found in an attic in Larchmont, CT, it has been passed around online now and, much to Theodore's embarrassment, it's beyond obvious why he wasn't hired:
He was terrible.
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