OTHER XMASTIME PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN PROMISES (so far)
- All adults will be able to order off the kids menu at restaurants
- Anybody who brags about how they ONLY will make popcorn the old-fashioned way on their stove top goes directly to jail.
- Life in prison for anyone who gives Joe Walsh a free pass for associating himself with the shittiest/most boring band of all time The Eagles
- I promise to make it illegal for Amazon to sell books that have passed into public domain & can be printed out by any shithead with a printer without making it clear on their site
- I will force McDonalds to get rid of its McRib nonsense
- No more blowing your nose in front of other people
- It will only be legal to run a goddam leaf blower on Saturdays between 8:00am-8:59am. No exceptions.
- Michael Jordan & Charles Barkley have to be best friends again
- Every tv show has to do a dinner murder mystery bottle episode
- Serving sizes will make sense to human beings who don't get paid to be food serving size scientists; for instance, one serving of potato wedges would be "one potato wedge" & not some wildly unhelpful "3 oz" bullshit.
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