Parking Lot

Hey Ho Rock & Roll Deliver Us From Nowhere ❤️ MPLS

For Bruce in MPLS Right Now ❤️

57 Years Ago Today

After all the hours we’ve now spent with them, trying the new songs and fretting about the very existence of the band itself, the moment Paul McCartney walks through the door and onto the roof is a moment of triumph that literally made me whoop with joy. - XMASTIME

 

Current Events

Pretty crazy how all those pocket-sized US Constitutions Republicans loved waving around for years have suddenly disappeared.  🤔 🤷‍♂️

Fab Four FriYay

Here's the first official photos of the main actors from The Beatles – A Four-Film Cinematic Event, directed by Sam Mendes coming out in April 2028:

Paul Mescal is Paul McCartney
Barry Keoghan is Ringo Starr
Joseph Quinn is George Harrison
Harris Dickinson is John Lennon

XMASTIME'S GRADES RE: HOW SOLD HE IS ON THEM BASED PURELY ON THESE PHOTOS AND NOTHING ELSE:

John B-
Paul A
George D
Ringo C-

Now Do The 10 Commandments Next.

The Vicar of Canterbury

So this happened yesterday:

Sarah Mullally walked into St. Paul’s Cathedral on Wednesday morning as the bishop of London. When she walked out in the afternoon as bells rang out, she was the spiritual leader of millions of Anglicans around the world. Mullally, 63, became the archbishop of Canterbury, making her the first woman to lead the Church of England.

YES I KNOW YOU'RE THINKING IT TOO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CAN DAWN FRENCH COME BACK AS THE ARCHBISHOP OF CANTERBURY NOW????!!!!! 🤗🤣❤️🇬🇧

Hey Ho Rock & Roll Deliver Us From Nowhere

Xmastime Wannabe Puzzle

On Rt. 360 between Richmond & Tappahannock.

 

USA! USA! USA!

Oh look I found some footage of 2nd Amendment super-warriors who've spent decades fantasizing about using their guns to rise up & defend all of us from government tyranny when some of that government tyranny comes rolling into American cities and killing citizens: 

Baby Turns Around GIFfrom Baby GIFs

Life as a Republican

"Musicians should STFU and sing!"
"What about reality tv stars?
"We should worship them like jesus & insist they be made king of America."

👍

Oh Yeah the Super Bowl

I haven't paid a lick of attention about the game at all but I just noticed the Patriots & Seahawks were playing in it; the last time these teams met in the Super Bowl I was on such fire at the party I was at that the following group email was sent out the next morning:

“Greg had a Klay Thompson type-night for the Super Bowl; A+material, much of it new, observationally on the mark all night; rollicking in the aisles. Hat tipped."

CHALLENGE FOR 2026 ACCEPTED!

15 Years Ago Today on Xmastime

I dropped this truth bomb about corporations & billionaires that's unfortunately even more relevant today:

My problem is their bitching and moaning. For instance, why the fuck does someone like me even know what the corporate tax rate is? The answer is they feel the need to win some sort of public relations game that doesn't actually exist.

They're not happy merely being rich as shit, they want you to feel sorry for them too. Why can't they just take their money, light big cigars on their boats and say "fuck you, we did nothing wrong, it's our money"?

It's as if it's no longer just enough to be right, it's much more important to be wronged.

Current Events

Just putting this right here for right now:

The only delicious irony will be after years & years of these motherfuckers crying & squealing with rage about Obama coming to take their guns, watching them bow down on their knees begging for approval as they hand their beloved guns over to Trump. - Xmastime, September 2025

Housekeeping

You superfans may have a noticed a marked slowdown in my posting output over the last few weeks. I’ve long realized that anytime a melancholy threatens to take hold of me it’s usually because I’m not working on anything creative, which fortunately or unfortunately seems to be the main key to my own happiness, and my not posting as much is usually an early indicator of this for me. But I seem to be at my normal happiness baseline right now, so my relative lack of posting may be because I’ve spent like 75% of the last month visiting people, which is probably not good for pumping out Xmastime blog posts but probably good for my overall health & well-being, whatever that is. Or maybe it’s because I didn’t make it to 40,000 posts before Xmastime hit 20 years, back in November? 🤷‍♂️ I don’t know, but don’t worry I’m sure I’ll be back to my normal unasked-for pace of posting soon enough. 😜🕺

Thoughts That Would Wake Me From a Deep Sleep, I

What if it turns out I'd actually love wearing a vest?

The One Thing I Know for Sure About Women

When I saw this pop up the first thing I thought was gee, I wonder how long we'll hafta sift throughout the comments to see the word "Snackwells"...

...and it turns out the answer is "all the way until the second one".

Me, at a Sink with an Automatic Soap Dispenser

“I'm just a guy, standing in front of an automatic soap dispenser, asking it to please hit my fucking hand more than once every five fucking swipes underneath it.”

Also, Death & Taxes 🤣🤣🤣❤️

Hypocrites & Bullshit

HOW 2ND AMENDMENT EVANGELISTS IMAGINE THEMSELVES SHOULD THEY EVER NEED TO RISE UP AGAINST THE TYRANNY OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT:

2ND AMENDMENT EVANGELISTS WHEN THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT ROLLS INTO THE STREETS OF AMERICAN CITIES AND MURDERS AMERICAN CITIZENS:

State du Moi About 4 Times a Day in the Bathroom at My Office

"I'm just a guy, standing in front of an automatic soap dispenser, asking it to hit my hand with soap more than once every 5 times I wave my have under it."

Brilliant du Jour

I'm not as much of a Back in MY day!" guy as you'd probably expect but "like the NBA draft" hit home in a specific way I can only stand back & applaud. 🤗🤣🤣🤣

Oh Cool, Already Found My Halloween Costume for This Year

HARDCORE 2ND AMENDMENT EVANGELIST

Current Events

Nobody’s ever done more to expose the NRA’s bullshit than Trump, and there’s no close second place.

❤️ MPLS (Again 😡)

Who Are You Gonna Kill When They Come to Kill You?

Xmastime Has Some Advice for the ICE Protesters in Minneapolis

If I was in charge of the ICE protesters in Minneapolis I’d remind them it’s January in Minneapolis and I would just tell everybody to spray water hoses on ICE; the historical reflective symmetry would be both beautiful and hilarious to witness.

Happy Friday

The New Taylor Swift Album's Incredible

Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime

Just about 99% of podcasts are terrible but from what I've noticed so far just about 100% of podcast parodies are fucking hilarious.

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A Few of the Greatest ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES Scenes Throughout the Series, not Counting the Chandelier or Batman & Robin or Bar Fall Scenes

There Is a Rhino Loose in the City Del Boy at his best mix of the hustle & the hilarious, plus everything Uncle Albert says is hysterical too. WAY underrated/overlooked scene in the canon!!

Cassandra’s Had a Miscarriage the single greatest example of John Sullivan’s brilliant mishap of pathos and comedy.

Uncle Albert’s fake surprise you can watch David Jason trying to not lose his shit. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Beam me up Snotty! Of course Del’s bar fall that comes a few moments later is more famous but this one always kills me and is totally overlooked!

"No Rodney, you're nothing like him" Final scene of the final episode when Del Boy tells him the truth about his father I’M NOT CRYING YOU ARE OH WAIT THOSE ARE MY TEARS 😭

Gary! classic, fan favorite

Rodney calls to apply for his own job like a total plonker this is just one of this scenes that only John Sullivan could have even thought of, much less written. 👏👏👏👏

Trigger's cousin whiparound story which is another one of those scenes 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Okay I hafta stop myself now, there's just too many! 

Here's a small scene from Series 5's Video Nasty episode nobody ever mentions, it's not really superfunny or meaningful but it rather succinctly wraps up a lot about Del Boy & Rodney's relationship, and there's something so smooth & impactful about David Jason's performance, with every move & every inflection hitting perfectly.

XMASTIME 20 Years Ago Today

One of my all-time Xmastime favorites of all time, from THINGS ARE GOOD, PART VI:

“That’s right, $10 for me, or $25 for all three of us. No kissing on the mouth.”

In America.

Trump's so horrific I catch myself empathetically smiling at white people.

Minneapolis 🤯🤯🤯🤯 du Jour

I've been reading Trouble Boys since it came out 10 years ago (my probably brilliant review HERE), and here’s something about how Slim Dunlap joined Replacements after they'd fired Bob Stinson:

Ironically, the person urging Dunlap to go for the job most was Bob Stinson. As they shined First Avenue's floors each day, Stinson would badger Dunlap to try out for the Replacements, occasionally grabbing a mop to mime the licks Dunlap needed to learn.

I mean can you imagine sitting at the bar at First Avenue putting down your chicken wings & on your way to go take a piss & you see this scene if front of you? 

You Know It (Doesn't) Make Sense, Bruv

Speaking of possible American remakes of Only Fools and Horses, as I just was thank you very munch, I never believed one day I'd be able to watch King of Van Nuys, the 2012 ABC pilot for an American remake starring John Leguizamo and Christopher Lloyd. I've never even watched it myself, to be honest I'm a little scared to - omg what if it's great????

Anyway. Will check back in later with any thoughts if any - in the meantime, there's a ton of info about the remake in the description under the YouTube vid! Enjoy! 

🤯🤯🤯 du Jour

I asked my new bff ChatGPT about any American attempts at making Only Fools and Horses (I'd long heard about Steve Carrell trying to develop one but it not happening, and even found footage of what looks like a terrible 2012 CBS pilot with John Leguazamo), but my new bff CatGPT just dropped a bomb on me with this little gem:

That makes a lot of sense & I'm embarrassed I've never thought of it myself but hey.

Questions About EXTRAS. I Have Them.

As you superfans well know thank you very munch I've LOVE LOVE LOVED Extras since I first started blathering away about it back 2007 and yet somehow it's only this very minute it occurs to me....why exactly didn't Andy cast Maggie on When the Whistle Blows? 🤔🤷‍♂️

 

Questions. I Have Them.

Ummmmmmmmm.....dafuck is up with john Mulaney and monkeys?????? 🤔🤷‍♂️ 🤣🤣🤣🤣

(Also, as I've declared before his Bubbles Jackson thing may be my favorite comedy bit in recent memory.)

 

 

XMASTIME, Photography Editor Genius

I call this one, PEEPING THROUGH THE WINDOW DRESSING OF THE NEW BARNES & NOBLE AS WE WAIT & WAIT FOR MONTHS FOR IT TO OPEN AND WHAT DID XMASTIME, PHOTOGRAPHY EDITOR GENIUS DO YOU ASK WELL THANK YOU FOR ASKING I IN FACT EDITED IT TO LOOK HOW I PICTURE BETTY SMITH'S INCREDIBLE CLASSIC, A TREE GROWS IN BROOKLYN

 

Random du Jour

 

THE OFFICE du Jour

I mean this is just prime, elite Dwight Schrute right here. 🤗🤣🤣🤣

TEXT OF THE YEAR

From my forever partner in rock DISH! 🤗🕺❤️🎸🎸

Ladies and gentlemen: TO DISH!! 🤗🕺 

Incredible PEEP SHOW Line du Jour

SERIES 1 (that's right I said "series" and not season" it's British that's what the hell they call it maybe you should think about getting the fuck over it) EPISODE 4: Mark Makes a Friend

Mark testing himself to see if he's gay & looking on the bright side if it's affirmative:

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I ❤️ MPLS

A coupla weeks ago HERE I blathered about FINALLY getting my greasily paws on the beyond-legendary Big Hits of Mid-America Volume III, and now as I'm playing it for the first time & finally getting a look at the inside artwork I see a little something you may not know about me: 

Oops after all these years I'm busted!!!!!!! 😜🤣🤣🤣 🥁

I'll Say This.

We know Trump’s thing he keeps saying over & over about protesters always being “paid actors” is complete bullshit because if there are anywhere near as many as he likes to say there are they’d have their own 4-hour awards show on primetime tv.

Current Events.

The Taylor Swift album about Trump's tender hurt feelings over this shit is gonna be incredible.

 

Another Country Western Song Title in Search of a Song

The only time it’s good to be fat is watching people look for any other seat on the bus.

SEE PREVIOUS SONGS HERE

Garfield du Jour

The Replacements on SNL

I posted yesterday about last night being the 40th anniversary & while I’ve posted the Bastards of Young clip a million times because it's both incredible and monumental, I've never really bothered posting the Kiss Me on the Bus performance, which was great but mostly remembered because everybody but Bob switched clothes after the first song.

ESPN Headline du Jour 🤣🤣🤣🤣

In America.

It's good thing we didn't elect a woman president. They can be so emotional.

 

Rocoo, Lasagna & Williamsburg, Oh My! 😜

This just popped up in my Timehop & gee it really HAS been more than 6 months since I last re-re-re-re-re-re-re-watched Rocco DiSpirito's brilliantly terrible & terribly brilliant The Restaurant, sooooooooooo.....

 

 

#fuckICE

This is the only Jonathan Ross for me, thanks.

Current Events

Here's what we find out Trump told Norway’s Prime Minister Jonas Gahr Støre because the Norwegian Nobel Committee did not award him the Nobel Peace Prize:

“Considering your Country decided not to give me the Nobel Peace Prize, I no longer feel an obligation to think purely of Peace, although it will always be predominant, but can now think about what is good and proper for the United States of America.”

So I guess his “grab ‘em by the pussy if they don’t like you at first” policy isn’t just for women anymore. Good to know. 

Quel Surprise du Jour

I'm not naive enough to be surprised or embarrassed that it took 32 years for a black actress to win an Emmy in the Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series category but I am embarrassed there wasn't another one for 46 years.

In America

If you're gonna tell me Trump's the greatest deal-maker of all time then he's gonna hafta do a little better right now than "while I'm trying to convince Greenland to become the 51st state I'm also gonna be invading American cities with the US Military" to get me to believe you.

In America.

The MAGA individual is interesting in that the two biggest tentpoles they most vociferously wrap themselves around are a commitment to being Christian and a commitment to the 2nd Amendment and yet they're terrible at both.

YOU GOT THAT RIGHT YOUTUBE!!!

Goddaughter Memory Lane 🤗🥲❤️

40 (40!) Years Ago Tonight!!!

The greatest music moment ever on Saturday Night Live.

Me: 1-4, 7, 10

🤣🏈🕺  

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Xmastime Calls Out FV

FILMVETTER needs to make an official announcement once and for all re: which 2002 ESPN original movie was better.

hey ho rock & roll deliver me fom nowhere

The Boss tells ICE to get the fuck out of Minneapolis.

Bruce Springsteen in concert: ICE should get the f**k out of Minneapolis!
byu/Maximum_Expert92 inFauxmoi

Rock & Roll Memory Lane

These Fucking People Ruin Everything

I won't deign to actually read this article but if I find out they’ve tainted the legacy of all-time National Treasure Elaine Benes by mentioning her in it then there's truly nothing thing left these assholes won't ruin for everybody else. 😡😡😡😡 

Xmastime on THE OFFICE

People like to complain about James Spader and Catherine Tate being in Season 8 of The Office & I say not only are they wrong but they're literally as wrong as they can be since I believe that the mistake the show made was not having ENOUGH Robert California and Nellie Bertram in the show; Robert's creepy weirdo weirdness is one of the few highlights of the worst season of the show & they should've pushed his weirdness waaaaaaaaay further than they did, and the two episodes they gave Nellie a ton of screen time - Welcome Party and Angry Andy - she absolutely crushed it (I'm commenting on her performance only, not the absurdity of the content) & after that they absolutely should've leaned into showcasing her much more, which of course they absolutely did not do. 

Xmastime on SEINFELD

While famous for having George's "it's not a lie if you believe it" in it, The Beard is somehow still an overlooked/underrated episode of Seinfeld - how is it never mentioned in the same breath as The Contest, or The Soup Nazi? The Marine Biologist? It's 22 minutes of wall-to-wall hilarious & iconic moments, including the aforementioned one, and yet it never seems to come up in any "Best of" conversations and I guess I'm wondering why?

True Love Waze: A Short Story

Yesterday I was standing on the corner waiting for the WALK sign when my nose got hit with what could easily have won any nearby regional Fart Competition; just as this was registering in my brain a beautiful woman a few feet in front of me must've been hit with it too because her head suddenly jerked up & she couldn’t stop herself from wildly looking around & I just KNEW that if I caught her eye I'd point at her & silently mouth "was that you?" and that's the story we'd be telling our grandchildren one day about how we met, but she never looked at me. 

Dear America: We're Fucked. Signed, Xmastime

Other than the wars, years before Trump even showed up Michael Scott absolutely nailed what it's like living under the Trump regime in 2026.

Xmastime Films

XMASTIME BURRITO

Brilliant du Jour

You people know I've loved love loved Greg Davies for over a decade now & I don't even really know if he's even trying to be funny here in this scene from Cuckoo, but there’s something about the way he says "the jewel of the Midlands" here that's been killing me for a week now. 🤣 🇬🇧🤣🤣

An Xmastime Haiku

thought I was walking up to
the KKK clan
but turns out it was just cheese

 

Dafuck du Jour

When did designating someone as being the best in their field the "GOAT" become a thing? Why do we use "greatest" when the fact is that every time anyone's ever described what a "GOAT" even is they’ve always used the word "best", so....why don't we use "BOAT"? That way we're not curiously ignoring the synonym we use when describing the designation, and wouldn’t you agree that waaaaaay more people like boats than goats anyway? Dafuck, sports fans?

Pigs!

After noticing my copy of Animal Farm being next to A Day No Pigs Would Die... 

...I asked my bff ChatGPT the rather brilliant question: is there an irony to Animal Farm being next to A Day No Pigs Would Die?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand ta-DA! Hears its response! You're welcome!

ChatGPT said:
Oh yeah — that’s absolutely an irony, and a pretty delicious one.
On the shelf you’ve got:
* Animal Farm — a political fable where the entire revolution is driven by pigs, and where pigs end up becoming the most corrupt, privileged, and lethal force of all
* Right next to A Day No Pigs Would Die — a tender, pastoral coming-of-age story centered on farming, mortality, and the inevitability (and dignity) of a pig’s death
Why the juxtaposition works (and stings)
* In Animal Farm, pigs refuse to die — they rewrite rules, seize power, and outlive every ideal
* In A Day No Pigs Would Die, the pig’s death is honest, necessary, and sacred — no slogans, no propaganda, no pretending
So shelf-wise:
* One book says: “All animals are equal, but some pigs are more equal than others.”
* The other quietly replies: “Nope. Today, the pig dies like everything else.”
It’s a perfect accidental thesis:
Totalitarian pigs vs. mortal pigs. Power vs. acceptance. Lies vs. ritual.
Honestly, that pairing feels less like coincidence and more like something a very specific English teacher would do on purpose.
And the fact that Animal Farm looks more battered?
 Chef’s kiss. 🐖📚

It likes me!! It REALLY likes me!!!

Announcement

If I ever make a rap album, I promise this line will be on it somewhere:

And you know I walked millions of miles of Wegmans aisles.

In America.

It's kind of funny that Trump seems to think that crime in cities is so serious it warrants sending in the military and yet he also seems to think that the people perpetrating these crimes are so incredibly stupid that they won't know to just stay away from downtown where all the military people are standing around with guns.

Missed Opportunities. They Add Up, People.

With his jittery bounce, short frame and devilish obsession with earning money, Alex P. Keaton woulda been a great Del Boy if they'd have done an American version of Only Fools and Horses.

 

Questions. I Have Them.

If I'm "single" then why is a "couple" not a "double"? 🤔🤷‍♂️

When It Comes to Ladies...

...I seem to have a type. Unfortunately.

 

BREAKING NEWS: There is Some Information on the Internet in the Year 2026 That May Actually Be Somewhat Useful

 

Questions. I Have Them.

Is it strange that out of all the millions of miles of Wegmans aisles I've journeyed through over the last few years, the only time I ever seem to catch a whiff of a scent of food is walking by the prepackaged tortillas section? ? 🤔🤷‍♂️

 

Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime.

I think if we all focused our efforts on answering the question "what the hell ever happened to The Rizzler?" we'd be much more united as a country.

Today in XMASTIME NEWS

Oh Wow What?

I thought MAGA absolutely HATED elites? 🤔🤷‍♂️

In the News.

It's remarkable that from what I can tell so far it hasn't occurred to the "well, it would never happen to ME!" crowd that the woman killed in Minneapolis not only was white but they've thrown her under the bus in record time surprising even for them.

I'll Say This.

Gloria is the best song that explicitly calls out a woman’s height.

In the News.

Of course Trump seems to be under the impression that at no point over the last quarter-century did it ever occur to Putin to take over Greenland in the same way Trump is chomping at the bit to do himself when anyone with half a brain would assume that Putin has thought every possible scenario through and of course would have done it if it didn't involve having to face retaliation from the full force of NATO, which would in normal times include the US, and even an idiot like me is 100% sure that the one scenario even Putin couldn't have planned on was Trump walking in and handing it over to him on a platter, so here we are.

Kudos du Jour

The only thing I really knew about Kevin Bishop is I thought he did a pretty good job in the Porridge reboot while facing the IMPOSSIBLE task of following British comedy legend and national treasure Ronnie Barker, and this impression of Steve Coogan he does has to be the most spot-on celebrity impression I can remember in recent years, made even better by the fact that:

1) in a world of a million Walken/DeNiro etc impressions, I don't think I've ever seen anyone do Coogan
2) Coogan himself of course is one of the best celebrity impersonators going around.

Big Xmastime "hats off!" to Kevin Bishop here, really killer. 🤗

In America.

“What was heartbreaking was to discover that people you loved - friends, relatives, neighbors - whom you assumed were civilized, harbored the most vicious feelings.” - Harper Lee on people in the Deep South

SNL is So Weird

It's kind of strange to that we all agree it's a Universal truth that:

1. Saturday Night Live has never gotten better; it's been in a permanent stasis in quality for 50 years
2. Lorne Michaels treats his cast with a form of perversely unnecessary cruelty the exact same today as he did the day the show started

And yet nobody ever seems to think the two are somehow connected enough to do something about it. 🤔🤷‍♂️

HEY YOU CAN'T SAY I HAVEN'T DONE MY HOMEWORK, PEOPLE!

Anyway, here's my favorite Monty Python sketch, you’re welcome very much.

You Know What Buddy Maybe Give Me a Fucking Minute Right Now, Okay? Okay?

I ❤️ NY

I don't think I'm over-romanticizing New York City at all when I say this photo pretty much sums up everything that's so incredible about the greatest city in the world, including the fact that it was taken by Stanley Kubrick.

81st Street & Central Park West Subway Station, Upper West Side Manhattan. 1946.
Photo: Stanley Kubrick

Dafuck du Jour

Last week I said "happy new Year" to the lobby guy & he said "thank you!" and I was like "is this motherfucker tryna take credit for a good fucking year???" but instead of saying that out loud to him what actually ended up happening is that I pretty much haven't been able to think of anything else since.

New (not really) Xmastime Series!

I call this one, "Shitty Comments I Make in My Head That I Don't Actually Post Because I Don't Wanna Put Such a Thing Out into the World". Enjoy, everybody!

 

Questions. I Have Them.

....what else could possibly have been the point of an article like this? 🤔🤷‍♂️

FINALLY.

I've been bummed out by how much standup comedy over the last few years has turned into endless spirals of comedians reacting to online reactions to their recent actions that they're now gonna be super-defensive about while also bitching about being "canceled" despite it being their third Netflix special of the year, all wrapped up in a fucking therapy session, so it was with happy & open arms I read this Vulture article today about a Laurie Kilmartin Conan set from 2017: 

Her writing, honed in the 50-jokes-a-day grind of late-night television, is about as lean, punchy, and concise as comedy writing can be. But her delivery is also key. She’s friendly, confident, and relaxed, with a healthy amount of smiles and exaggerated faces to clarify emotions as well as a twinkle in her eye throughout, which both puts her audience at ease and signals that these are all jokes and are to be taken as such.

That sounded exactly what I've been yearning for, and having just watched it I agree 100%. Her joke rate is phenomenal, the opening joke is the best one I can remember off the top of my head, and she's "edgy" without it becoming a "thing" that she's obsessed with.

Brava Laurie Kilmartin! And THANK YOU!!! 

I Mean I Don't Know What Happened with Douglas but Hey We Move On in This Thing Called "Life" 🤷‍♂️