Help, I'm Stepping Into The Twilight Zone: Episode 5

I've been looking for something to thrill me a little for this Halloween October month and it occurred to me that an item on a list of things I wanna do a deep dive on is The Twilight Zone; I think I've somehow managed to make it to 51 years old without actually sitting down and watching an entire episode. So I will now spend the rest of the month watching one per day one whenever I remember to think about it, just for you people - you're welcome!

SEASON 1 EPISODE 5
Walking Distance
10/30/1959

XMASTIME REVIEW: another zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I mean none of this thing made any goddam sense but not in a good way

MOST INTERESTING THING ABOUT IT: I wanna say Ron Howard being in it but let's be honest the main actor pulled a murder/suicide with his wife so that's pretty tough to beat 🤷‍♂️

WEIRDEST THING IN HISTORY THAT HAPPENED ON THE DAY THIS EPISODE AIRED: the crash of Piedmont Airlines Flight 349 yikes okay that's a grim finish to this whole series. On a side note I'm bummed I didn't watch this last night so it'd sync up to exactly 64 years later to the day oh well 🤷‍♂️

I guess that's it for The Twilight Zone for me for now; other than the cool black & white film and spotting actors who would go on to greatness, it was a big snooze. But it's such a huge part of popular culture for some reason that after even such an admittedly small sample I wonder if there's a reason that whenever anyone talks about the show they pretty much talk about the same few episodes over & over? Which would be remarkable since it would make it the exact same situation as one of my previous October series, Edgar Allan Poe short stories... 🤔🤷‍♂️

It's Already October 20fucking5th WTF

I'm already feeling bummed about not really doing anything this October spooky season for Halloween other than watch a coupla disappointing Twilight Zone episodes and right now it's fucking 80 degrees so I just fucking give up 😡 😡 😡 😡

Last year I read In Cold Blood along with AP Mike for EGG FOO WHAT?!

READ ABOUT MY 2021 OCTOBER BOOKS HERE

READ MY 2020 EDGAR ALLAN POE WRAP-UP HERE

Well I guess I did watch The Wicker Man, which I admired here for a particular reason. But still: 😡

Helloween

I just realized it's already October 4 and I haven't thought for a moment of anything to do for Halloween month yet. Suggestions welcome!

Last year I read In Cold Blood along with AP Mike for EGG FOO WHAT?!

READ ABOUT MY 2021 OCTOBER BOOKS HERE

READ MY 2020 EDGAR ALLAN POE WRAP-UP HERE

In Cold Blood

Thanks to longtime buddy AP Mike, I'll be reading In Cold Blood for this year's spooooooooooooky Halloween read! Wish me luck!!! 

READ ABOUT LAST YEAR'S BOOKS HERE

READ MY 2020 EDGAR ALLAN POE WRAP-UP HERE

EAP Halloween Wrap-Up

I hope everyone enjoyed my Edgar Allan Poe October Reading Series. While I was hard on him scoring-wise (deservedly so, I must say), I thoroughly enjoyed taking time every day to read one of his short stories. Doing so did make it annoyingly easier to pick up on some of his habits (see my bitching about aquatic vortexes/dead women obsessions/terrible mysteries), but allowing yourself to ride his mind a little bit every day is indeed a privilege. On one hand you wish he'd had more of a lifetime to write more than one (terribly average, I must say) novel; on the other, the short story is the perfectly delivery system for his panicked, manic dread that can only be sustained for so long. Looking at my scores below, you'll realize there's a reason they teach the Poe stories they do teach in schools everywhere; while his hit singles are fantastic, a lot of his album cuts are abysmal.

I'm bummed I only read 26 stories, as I didn't start until the 6th, but it is what it is. Read them for yourselves and share your own scores, and I will patiently explain why you are wrong on each account. You're welcome! :)

The Tell-Tale Heart 10
The Fall of the House of Usher 9
Hop-Frog 9
The Murders in the Rue Morgue 9
The Cask of Amontillado 8
The Pit and the Pendulum 8
The Masque of the Red Death 8
The Imp of the Perverse 7
William Wilson 6
The Black Cat 5
The Purloined Letter 5
A Tale of the Ragged Mountains 5
Metzengerstein 5
The Oblong Box 4
Eleonora 4
Berenice 4
A Descent into the Maelström 4
MS Found in a Bottle 4
The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar 3
The Premature Burial 3
The Gold-Bug 2
Ligeia 2
The Man in the Crowd 0
The Oval Portrait 0
Morella 0
The Assignaton 0

AVERAGE SCORE: 5.04

Your Daily Poe (Or Edgar Allan If You're Nasty)

As it's officially October (BOO!), I will on every day be reading one short story written by the Master of the Macabre himself, and briefly commenting on it. Enjoy!

Day 22: The Purloined Letter

Thoughts: A disappointing ending to my October Halloween Edgar Allan Poe reading series; as soon as I saw the name "Dupin" I knew that oh for fuck's sake, here we go again. For being the godfather of the modern mystery novel, almost every one I read this month was exceedingly dull in both its execution and delivery. I don't see the point in his repeated literary device of just filling up a bunch of pages with whatever and then at the very end saying "okay, here's everything that happened without you even remotely knowing any of it so that I may now call this a mystery of sorts." Whatever score this story gets will be purely based on my own generosity as well as the quasi-interesting motif of placing the evidence in plain sight based on a game of Odds & Evens; however, the thing could've been told in a much more interesting, narrative way instead of this 19th century Encyclopedia Brown nonsense.

Memorable Line: None.

Score from 1-10: 5. You're welcome, Poe. Happy Halloween!

Your Daily Poe (Or Edgar Allan If You're Nasty)

As it's officially October (BOO!), I will on every day be reading one short story written by the Master of the Macabre himself, and briefly commenting on it. Enjoy!

Day 21, Part 2: A Tale of the Ragged Mountains

Thoughts: This was of immediate interest since it's the only story I've read so far that takes place in Virginia - Charlottesville, precisely, where Poe famously flunked out or got kicked out of the University of Virginia. The pace of the story is pleasant, kind of a revved-down version of Poe's earlier manic "THE WALLS ARE COMING IN ALL AROUND ME!" style. But in the end, there's just not a lot there - the character is reincarnated? And the narrator figures it out because of a typo in the obituary? There's a feeling upon finishing that Poe left out something that could've made this a little more compelling, at least to me, anyway. If we must use reincarnation, and the idea that Dr. Templeton already knew the story (don't get me started re: the coincidence that he just happened to be there in 1780, a detail I'll let go thanks to my A Tale of Two Cities concession a few weeks ago.)

Memorable Line: None, really.

Score from 1-10: 5. Meh. Feeling generous today.

Your Daily Poe (Or Edgar Allan If You're Nasty)

As it's officially October (BOO!), I will on every day be reading one short story written by the Master of the Macabre himself, and briefly commenting on it. Enjoy!

Day 21: The Oblong Box

Thoughts: I was really enjoying this story for a while. The whole thing about the narrator being shocked at how ugly his friend's wife was provided some rare Poe comedy, and about halfway through I assumed the wife was a vampire, which was cool to me as I'm finishing up reading Dracula today. Though on the other hand I was annoyed that Poe described what obviously was a coffin while pretending it never occurred to the narrator that it indeed was a coffin, which was rather insulting. I even made it through the shipwreck part fully confident he wouldn't return to his whole "and then a giant vortex appeared and we descended into the abyss of the sea" nonsense. My enjoying the story only made it worse when on the very last page HE DID THE SAME BULLSHIT AS PREVIOUS TALES by suddenly spilling what had happened as if reading out a diner breakfast order. I don't understand the appeal of instead of simply rolling out the story and showing us what happened as a narration, he insists on just filling up a bunch of pages with whatever and then at the very end saying "okay, here's everything that happened without you even remotely knowing any of it so that I may now call this a mystery of sorts."

Memorable Line: "The truth is, I could not help regarding Mrs. Wyatt as a decidedly plain-looking woman. If not positively ugly, she was not, I think, very far from it."

Score from 1-10: 4. Disappointing Poe literary device for an ending, but entertaining beforehand.

Your Daily Poe (Or Edgar Allan If You're Nasty)

As it's officially October (BOO!), I will on every day be reading one short story written by the Master of the Macabre himself, and briefly commenting on it. Enjoy!

Day 20: The Gold-Bug

Thoughts: This is just a much, much inferior version of The Murders in the Rue Morgue. Once again, Poe gives the reader no details or evidence so they can put together the mystery themselves; upon offering the solution at the end there is no chance for an "aha, I remember that!" moment for the reader. It's merely a guy at the very ending winding us through what happened, which was all "offscreen" for the readers and to me seems pointless. It reads more like a corporation doing a case study than it does a mystery story. Yes he did the same thing for The Murders of the Rue Morgue, but at least that story was 1) interesting in the first place 2) interesting in what is revealed to be the perpetrator of the crime. I'm shocked to learn that this was the most popular Poe story during his lifetime, and has remained as one of the most popular ever since. Blech.

Memorable Line: "Why, to be frank, I felt somewhat annoyed by your evident suspicions touching my sanity, and so resolved to punish you quietly, in my own way, by a little bit of sober mystification."

Score from 1-10: 2

Your Daily Poe (Or Edgar Allan If You're Nasty)

As it's officially October (BOO!), I will on every day be reading one short story written by the Master of the Macabre himself, and briefly commenting on it. Enjoy!

Day 19: The Murders in the Rue Morgue

Thoughts: This started out in a slower, more restrained pace full of a seeming smugness that alerts the reader into thinking the narrator is an unreliable one. But once Dupin is introduced into the story the narrator becomes not much more than a willing spectator like the rest of us. On one hand the story is fascinating in its unraveling of the murders done so brilliantly so as to lead to it rightful solution; on the other hand, it's kind of unfair that the answer is [SPOILER ALERT! WARNING, SPOILER ALERT!!] an orangutan, as it's not reasonable for a reader - always trying to solve the mystery himself as he reads, obviously - to even imagine such a scenario. This may be considered to be in bad faith on the author's part - why not suddenly point to aliens? Ghosts? But once the readers' eye-rolling miffness (is that a word?) has ebbed, one can only admire the thorough tapestry Poe has woven. A BIT of a reach in reality for what's considered to be the first modern detective story, but extremely well done, and Dupin's seemingly endless monologues do a great job in holding the reader's attention and wonder.

Memorable Line: "Truth is not always in a well. In fact, as regards the more important knowledge, I do believe that she is invariably superficial. The depth lies in the valleys where we seek her, and not upon the mountain-tops where she is found."

Score from 1-10: 9

Your Daily Poe (Or Edgar Allan If You're Nasty)

As it's officially October (BOO!), I will on every day be reading one short story written by the Master of the Macabre himself, and briefly commenting on it. Enjoy!

Day 18: The Man in the Crowd

Thoughts: This was a waste of my time. I guess the upshot is the old guy freaked the narrator out because he fit no category, unlike the rest of the crowd? So he...follows him around for a while? Blah.

Memorable Line: "I was now utterly amazed at his behaviour, and firmly resolved that we should not part until I had satisfied myself in some measure respecting him."

Score from 1-10: 0

Your Daily Poe (Or Edgar Allan If You're Nasty)

As it's officially October (BOO!), I will on every day be reading one short story written by the Master of the Macabre himself, and briefly commenting on it. Enjoy!

Day 17, Part 3: Hop-Frog

Thoughts: Even Poe's best stories rarely - if ever - leave you with a taste of joy, which makes Hop-Frog unique in his canon. Unlike The Cask of Amontillado, this tale of revenge is a pure delight in that not only do you know why the revenge is taken, but you find yourself openly rooting for the hero to enact it on the "bad guys". Even as you you know what's coming you allow yourself to thrill in it, openly thinking "hell yeah!" when the closest thing Poe ever comes to to a "mic drop" moment occurs. As with The Cask of Amontillado we assume the guilty party is never punished for his deed; unlike that tale, Hop-Frog is the closest story so far to a classic fairy tale: white knight saves young princess and they're off to live happily ever after. Here's to that whack dwarf Hop-Frog, dammit!

Memorable Line: "As for myself, I am simply Hop-Frog, the jester -- and this is my last jest."

Score from 1-10: 9

Your Daily Poe (Or Edgar Allan If You're Nasty)

As it's officially October (BOO!), I will on every day be reading one short story written by the Master of the Macabre himself, and briefly commenting on it. Enjoy!

Day 17, Part 2: The Cask of Amontillado

Thoughts: I remember reading this high school and learning it was perhaps the greatest example in all of literature of a crime - or deserved retribution, in the narrator's eyes - in which the victim has no idea they are being punished or why, as opposed to, say, The Scarlet Letter, for which the entire purpose was to make sure the victim knew they'd done wrong and were being punished for all to see. Despite the story's succinctness, Poe does a great job of taking the time, over and over again, to play the "oh please, let me take you back" line with Fortunato, both building up a little suspense while cleverly seeming to assuage himself of any guilty intention of wrongdoing, until it's of course too late. On a side note, this is a rare Poe story (so far) with almost an entire page's worth of dialogue, which was interesting got see (albeit not to read, as most of it was a drunken Fortunato repeating himself.)

Memorable Line: "A wrong is unredressed when retribution overtakes its redresser. It is equally unredressed when the avenger fails to make himself felt as such to him who has done the wrong."

Score from 1-10: 8

Your Daily Poe (Or Edgar Allan If You're Nasty)

As it's officially October (BOO!), I will on every day be reading one short story written by the Master of the Macabre himself, and briefly commenting on it. Enjoy!

Day 17, Part 1: The Imp of the Perverse

Thoughts: Strangely arranged in that is seems to start out sort of as a lecture before the final part being the "story". Also somewhat reminiscent of my super-slice Crime and Punishment in wondering if one can get away with the crime of murder. Poe uses a bad economy of words here, as the whole thing could've been brought in under a page; however, as slight as it feels upon a first reading it does stick to the ribs a little bit, both in the question of what one can get away with and the duality of bad and good within all of us. Also definitely breaks whatever the world record is for using the word "phrenology" in a story.

Memorable Line: "No one who trustingly consults and thoroughly questions his own soul, will be disposed to deny the entire radicalness of the propensity in question.

Score from 1-10: 7. Not one of his best "horror/suspense" stories but as I said sticks with you a little bit.

Your Daily Poe (Or Edgar Allan If You're Nasty)

As it's officially October (BOO!), I will on every day be reading one short story written by the Master of the Macabre himself, and briefly commenting on it. Enjoy!

Day 16: The Black Cat

Thoughts: A disappointing re-tread of The Tell-Tale Heart: guy kills someone, cleverly hides the body, only to have it revealed after a way-too-smug meeting with the cops. Though I give props for the cat being buried as well and the one to fuck it up for the narrator. Also, particularly in the beginning, the tone and rhythm of this story is by far the most laid-back of the Poe works I've read so far. Maybe because the narrator is an unreliable one, a bit bull-shitty from the start?

Memorable Line: "But to-morrow I die, and to-day I would unburthen my soul." ALSO NOMINATED: I have never seen or heard anybody refer to the prospect of spousal abuse thusly: "I suffered myself to use intemperate language to my wife; at length, I even offered her personal violence." Wow! "say, baby, would you like some violence? I have a roundhouse kick to the head going for free right now, how 'bout it?"

Score from 1-10: 5

Your Daily Poe (Or Edgar Allan If You're Nasty)

As it's officially October (BOO!), I will on every day be reading one short story written by the Master of the Macabre himself, and briefly commenting on it. Enjoy!

Day 15: The Tell-Tale Heart

Thoughts: Certainly the best story so far, and the one that could be used as a textbook whenever teaching how to write Poe's desperate, pounding, paranoid rhythm. Story would've still been great had it ended with the sound of the heart driving him crazy even while alone; adding in the cops, smiling away obliviously brilliantly, only added the wonderful cherry on top. I suppose there's a reason this is one of his most famous stories and one of those taught in schools around the country - I for one remember seeing a production of it in 9th grade during a field trip to Richmond in Mrs. Moore's English class. This is pure excellence, and a joy to read and re-read.

Memorable Line: Tough to top one of the all-time great openers: "TRUE! -- nervous -- very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why will you say that I am mad? The disease had sharpened my senses -- not destroyed -- not dulled them. Above all was the sense of hearing acute. I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell. How, then, am I mad? Hearken! and observe how healthily -- how calmly I can tell you the whole story."

Score from 1-10: 10

Your Daily Poe (Or Edgar Allan If You're Nasty)

As it's officially October (BOO!), I will on every day be reading one short story written by the Master of the Macabre himself, and briefly commenting on it. Enjoy!

Day 14: William Wilson

Thoughts: A rare misstep for Poe in that you easily sniff out the final twist one page into its nine pages; of COURSE the opposition was internal and imagined, and of course in the end WW could only hurt himself. But still an enjoyable read, with Poe's typical heart-pounding, breathless pose, unlike a few other of his stories that leave you angry you wasted the time reading it all for another sudden/eye-rolling ending.

Memorable Line: "It may seem strange that in spite of the continual anxiety occasioned me by the rivalry of Wilson, and his intolerable spirit of contradiction, I could not bring myself to hate him altogether."

Score from 1-10: 6

Your Daily Poe (Or Edgar Allan If You're Nasty)

As it's officially October (BOO!), I will on every day be reading one short story written by the Master of the Macabre himself, and briefly commenting on it. Enjoy!

Day 13: Metzengerstein

Thoughts: I like the setup of two neighboring families who have hated each other so long nobody remembers why; mostly, I like the rare (so far) combination of Poe using his impressive gift for bringing us the horror of the tale from within a character and not succumbing to superfluous blood/violence along with an ending that could actually kinda sorta happen. A rare break from some waif waiting patiently for death to overtake her is also welcomed. It'd not a great story with a shocking twist or anything, but was enough to hold my interest throughout, and probably re-readable.

Memorable Line: "But a new, and fearful object soon riveted the attention of the multitude, and proved the vast superiority of excitement which the sight of human agony exercises in the feelings of a crowd, above the most appalling spectacles of inanimate matter."

Score from 1-10: 5

Your Daily Poe (Or Edgar Allan If You're Nasty) DOUBLE-SHOT TODAY, PEOPLE!

As it's officially October (BOO!), I will on every day be reading one short story written by the Master of the Macabre himself, and briefly commenting on it. Enjoy!

Day 12, part 2: The Oval Portrait

Thoughts: A story entirely created to set up yet another "then she was dead!" final sentence. Maybe this shit worked when it was spread over several periodicals over the years, but it's eye-rolling when read all together.

Memorable Line: None.
 

Score from 1 - 10: 0. But finally out of this goddam "Bereavements" section.

NOTE: no photo in post. Doesn't deserve one.

Your Daily Poe (Or Edgar Allan If You're Nasty)

As it's officially October (BOO!), I will on every day be reading one short story written by the Master of the Macabre himself, and briefly commenting on it. Enjoy!

Day 12, part 1: Eleonora

Thoughts: Mam loves woman. Woman loves man. Woman dies (of course). Man promises woman never to love again. Man does. Woman appears in death to say she's cool with it. Whomp whomp.

I'm itching like hell to get out of this boring af "Bereavements" section - only one more story to go! - but I give Poe a little credit for the ending to be a simple love story and not his usual THEN SHE DISSIPATED INTO THIN AIR! AND THE (BUILDING/VORTEX/SNO-CONE) CRUMBLED ALL AROUND HIM!!! nonsense. Within this order of short stories, his restraint here is refreshing.

Memorable Line: "They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night." Ah, young Xmastime himself used to dream in open daylight....

Score from 1 - 10: 4, all for the reason listed above.