Thursday, August 31, 2023
Listen Up
LET IT ROLL has been one of my favorite podcasts for almost 4 years now and host Nate Wilcox is about my age so it's no surprise that like myself, he's a total acolyte of Ian MacDonald (who I was bummed to find out had died years earlier) and his cherished, genre-defining Revolution in the Head, one of the very first (certainly mine) books that took apart every Beatles song with startling technical detail. Anyhoo, put all that together and you have his latest podcast episode, which may be the best one yet. 🥲
Hi, I'm Me!!!
Introduce yourself with:
One book
One movie
One album
One TV show
Joe the Plumber
Republicans love to throw around accusations all the time that taxes are what stops people from being entrepreneurs, which I call out as being absolute bullshit: if your dream to build your own business can be stopped before it even starts because of taxes you "might" have to pay IF said business is even successful in the first place, then maybe starting a business isn't a dream of yours in the first place?You really gotta hand it to Joe the Plumber. Here's a dude who is coming out saying that he's just not interested in paying taxes, yet was incredibly curious about how much in taxes he would hafta pay if he made $250K, even though he is presently unemployed. I suppose that's like a starving man worrying about how clean the toilets are.
Thoughts. I Have Them.
It's somewhat ironic - or, rather, it makes perfect sense - that these are the days of finally getting rid of Confederate statues since Donald Trump himself is the Lost Cause personified; no matter how many times he loses or how many lives he destroys his supporters are always gonna claim he's some sort of God-chosen winner.
Good Question!
Sad but True, by Xmastme
Not Sure What Happened Here.
Thoughts. I Have Them.
EGG FOO WHAT?! Episode 60
Wednesday, August 30, 2023
The Bronx is Burning
And it's great! What a cast 🤗 (though I shit on the "oh REALLY?" soundtrack when it came out in 2007).
GOODFELLAS Notes. I Have One.
I mean I have eyes that are connected to my medulla oblongota so yes I understand this is an amazing scene but what if just ONE guy now shows up who's even more of a big shot in town than Henry? Then Henry has to get booted off the good table, or another one gets squeezed in to make his own table therein shittier? So now Henry's pissed at you for even setting the thing up; "was getting that primo table for Henry complete with plugged-in lamp really worth it?" is what you're then asking yourself as a bullet goes thru your brains.
Agreed.
Xmastime 10 Years Ago Today
Friday, August 30, 2013
A Die Hard Movie I'd Like to See
(OPENING CREDITS)
1 minute in: Terrorists attack.
2nd minute in: John McClane gets called in to save the world.
3rd minute in: McClane squinting his eyes at the camera and lighting a cigarette says something inspiring/droll etc like "Someone picked a bad day to get John McClane outta bed."
2 seconds later: McClane steps on a bomb planted by the terrorists, explodes to bits.
(END CREDITS)
Britmas Day Beyotches
2007 Extras Christmas Special
2008 Gavin and Stacey 2008 Christmas Special (the surprise 2019 Christmas special was
great too!!)
1996 Father Ted A Christmassy Ted
1988 Blackadder A Christmas Carol
1996 The Vicar of Dibly The Christmas Lunch Incident
2010 Peep Show Season’s Beatings
1999 The Royle Family Christmas with the Royle Family
1975 Porridge No Way Out
1979 The Good Life Silly but It’s Fun
1980 To the Manor Born The First Noel
Tuesday, August 29, 2023
Quip I Just Dropped I'm Pretty Proud Of
🤗🤣🤣🤣🤣
RIP Coolidge Ball
Coolidge Ball: first black athlete ever at Ole Miss, played basketball in the early 1970s and as of August 2008 ranked 11th in career scoring with 1,072 points and 5th in rebounds with 754.Was (is) a super-nice guy, was very quiet whenever he came in. In both the Mississippi Sports Hall of Fame and the Ole Miss Hall of Fame. - XMASTIME
Just found out he died today at age 72. Super nice guy. Read about him breaking the color barrier at Ole Miss HERE.
A Final Note on Sarah Palin
Xmastime & Sniffy
So I, always desperate to please you people, for some fucking reason, will now wow you with some of my quotes from the steaming turd of a "reality show" she dropped on TLC a few years ago. You're welcome.
- My favorite might be when Sniffs busts Piper cheating on her times tables by using a calculator. She barks at her "that's cheating, you can't do that!" Piper just kinda shrugs her shoulders at her, and Sniffy goes back to clicking away at her blackberry, presumably tweeting away to her Prayer Warriors that she's about to buy a new gun and blow away some stupid fucking bears. Mama Grizzly puts her kids first, but not enough to actually give a shit if one of them learns her times tables.
- But isn't it enough with the fucking fish? Christ, another fucking round of pounding and battering on the ol' tuna boat - what the fuck am I watching, The Best of John Holmes?
- My favorite line from tonight's episode of Sniff Your Enthusiasm is when Sniffy, Todd and Bristol are skeet-shooting, which Lil' Sniffs has never done before. So she's shooting without hitting a single one. Miss, miss, miss. All of a sudden Sniffy shouts out "oooh, close!" . . .What?...you really fucking telling me that you can see a fucking bullet that's about an inch long and traveling almost 1500mph? Really? Cause I'll be honest - if that's true, you have my vote. Hell, maybe you fucking CAN see Russia from not only your house, but the fucking White House.
- TLC has basically laid out this tv series to give Sniffy free reign to control how the world sees her and her family, and yet in the editing room she didn't notice that when she made this remark to her son he looked like she had just cut one.
- Sniffy spends a lot of time on her show every week claiming she deserves a medal because as THE Mama Grizzly, she'd rather her kids not get eaten by a bear. And so on this week's episode, what does she do? Takes 10 kids and puts them in a situation that they have to get training on what to do if a bear attacks them. Of course. If you love your kids so much, maybe you don't put them in situations in which they need to 1) learn how to shoot a rifle 2) know that the more noise they make, the less likely bears will swarm in and eat them.
Sitcom Ideas. I Have Them.
Monday, August 28, 2023
Ho Ho Ho!
I watched every episode on this list today except for The Green, Green Grass and Citizen Smith, both amazing John Sullivan shows that I just couldn't find streaming anywhere.
I must say, the Father Ted Christmas episode is funnier than I'd ever given it credit, for some reason. But seriously - is the whole "Mrs. Doyle always falling off the window ledge" the most underrated running gag in Britcom history???!?!? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
(Old) Ideas. i Have Them.
(Originally posted February 2009)
I think I'm gonna adopt The Garfield Diet. I've always noticed that whenever Jon is getting ready to eat he has the same thing on his plate: a single piece of roasted chicken, a small portion of mashed potatoes (with nothing on them) and some peas. I mean, in terms of healthy things to eat you could do worse, right?
Thoughts. I Have Them.
Don't Forget About Me & My Old BFF Joe
For2122 years I've told anyone who would listen about the time I threw my white shirt at Joe Strummer during a show at Irving Plaza.
And now, because the internet is bananas and we find these things, I believe this is that exact moment: at the 1:05 mark in the video, there it is.
The internet is crazy and scary and now there's video from 20 years ago of Joe Strummer reacting to me taking my shirt off (see the 0:39 mark)
I MAY HAVE MADE JOE STRUMMER LAUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS. IS. CRAZY. 🤗🎸🤗🎸
Something You Should Know About Me
When I bring my tuna fish sandwich in to the office I don't put it in the fridge until lunch; I like it to sit in my bag at room temperature for 3-4 hours until it reaches a perfect temperature/texture that is, in a word, delightful.
Also #XOTD2008
"...my grandparents met and got married, then the war came...boy, did my Grandfather not wanna go to that. "It sounded really, really hard!!" he'd tell me, still angry. Fought and bitched to get outta going, but they finally came and got him I guess. Oh sure, the Depression, the War, they talked about those days a lot...how much they hated those days, having to work all the time and stuff..."why did all this happen to us? why not somebody else?" they'd ask me. "Why couldn't that have happened to your generation instead?" they'd say to me..."Always look for the shortcut"... CONTINUE READING
#XOTD2008
15 years ago today I wrote what's been proven even more true since then, the realization that when it comes to electing presidents we don't really give a shit about whether or not they were "war heroes".
Still The Best
TonyHomo.com: Drew Bledsoe's Blog. An excerpt:
Anyway, no practice on Tuesday's so I spent the whole day relaxing with my wife/soulmate and the kids, then I keyed Homo's car. Oh, and this afternoon I crunched the numbers, and I figured out that if I were QB last week, we woulda won 43-3. Not bad for a SECOND STRINGER.
I fully expect to be named the starter this week, especially after listening to Coach Parcells' press conference today. Coach had some pretty choice words for Homo. (For those who don't know Bill Parcells as well as I do, I've provided you with translations to what he really meant.)
What he said:"I thought there were some good things there. He did buy himself some time from time to time and made some pretty good throws, couple of clutch throws that I thought were good."
What he meant: Homo showed some signs of competancy amidst a complete cluster-fuck of horrible decisions. Like a retard flinging his own poop towards a dart board, inevitably some feces will land on bullseye. This can be chalked up to absolute randomness and great receivers.
What he said: "His game management could use a little work but for the first time out in that kind of situation, I'd say I was generally satisfied with that."
What he meant: Homo blows.
What he said: "That ability is innate in the player. He has it."
What he meant: LOL to whoever keyed Homo's car in the shape of a stick figure peeing onto the door handle.
Coach loves a good prank. I'm still 40% certain this is an elaborate late April Fools' joke to convince Homo that he's better at quarterback than me.
Grayson from West Highlands, WVA writes:Say goodbye to the rest of your afternoon, and you're verywelcome.
Drew, we love you! What is your typical day like? How does *probably* a future hall-of-famer spend his waking hours?
My Response: Haha. *probably?* What's that about Grayson? You say you guys love me but not enough to know that I have 3,839 completions. 251 career TD's? Anyway, my typical day is waking up, making Homo look like a high functional autistic adult at practice, then in the afternoon just relax. This weekend I'm probably going to grill up some Burgers with some new pals. Go to Best Buy to buy some high end electronics. That kinda stuff. Thanks for writing Grayson, next time get your facts straight though.
ATTENTION EFW?! PEOPLE
Am I Better Than Phil Spector? Probably, Yes.
Sigh. The piano part was the hook, my beautiful babies, the piano dammit!!
Hits baby, I'm all about making some HITS goddammit!
Hoosier Hysteria, Part 63,220
In September 1984 Milan High enrolled the first black pupil in its history. There are no blacks on the Milan basketball team.
What? 1984? I know this is a state famous for the KKK but 1984...just one year before Hoosiers came out to preach its triumphant story?
I mean I don't really have another other to say other than that's amazing, and it's also amazing how much the real Milan game was so much crazier than the one in the movie - I mean, Coach Marvin Wood wrote the perfect script by having Bobby Plump hold the ball on his hip while an entire state melted down but hey that's Hollywood for you. Grrrrr.
EGG FOO WHAT?! Brilliant du Jour
Just some random old #eggfoowhat genius content to cheer you up on a Monday morning, everybody. Enjoy! 😜🤣🥡🥡https://t.co/6qyTQc1F1r @APMike @XMASTIMEblog
— Egg Foo What?! (@EggFooWhat) August 28, 2023
Christmas in August
Porridge No Way Out A planned escape causes all kinds of trouble just before Christmas, and Fletch attempts to spend some valuable time in the infirmary.
Peep Show Season’s Beatings Mark seeks to assert himself before his sister Sarah and parents by hosting Christmas dinner with Jez at their flat. Dobby and Super Hans join them. Mark initially pretends that Dobby is his friend, which she is annoyed by. When she speaks badly of her boyfriend, Mark admits that she is talking about him. Her speaking frankly angers Mark and his father; Dobby leaves early when Mark does not stand up for her after his father tells him to muzzle her. Sarah unsuccessfully tries to seduce Jez.
Blackadder A Christmas Carol A parody of Charles Dickens' book A Christmas Carol. As Christmas approaches, Ebenezer Blackadder gets a surprising meeting with the Ghost of Christmas Present.
Vicar of Dibley The Lunchtime Incident When Geraldine is invited to four separate Christmas dinners, she hasn't the heart to say "no" so goes to all four. On Christmas evening, BBC producer Tristan Campbell (played by Peter Capaldi) comes round and asks the vicar to marry him.
Extras 2007 Christmas Special Andy is unhappy with the fame he has achieved. When a new agent approaches him, Andy fires Darren and quits 'When The Whistle Blows'. Meanwhile, Maggie has hit rock bottom, having given up working as an extra and living in a tiny, dismal flat. Andy however is too self obsessed to notice Maggie's plight.
Gavin and Stacey 2008 Christmas Special (the surprise 2019 Christmas special was great too!!) It's Christmas and the Welsh contingent have been invited to celebrate the festive season with the Shipmans. In Essex, Mick's preoccupied with the new love of his life – a handsome Norfolk turkey – and Smithy can't wait to spend his first Christmas with his baby Neil. Gavin makes a startling announcement that he is moving to Wales, and all hell breaks loose!
To the Manor Born The First Noel With the fforbes-Hamiltons always providing the church's crib, Audrey, Marjory and Old Ned, who is acting as Audrey's butler while Brabinger is visiting his granddaughter, make a crib. However, when they go to place it in the church, Richard, having been asked by the Rector, has installed a brand new crib. After an initial argument, both favour the other's crib, but the Rector decides upon Richard's. On Christmas Day, Audrey and Marjory are both bored at the Lodge, having declined invitations to the Manor.
The Royle Family The Golden Egg Cup To celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary, Jim and Barbara go to Prestatyn, Denbighshire, Wales to stay in a holiday caravan, along with Dave and Denise. With no television or chip pan, the holiday is a disaster and they decide to return home early.
Father Ted A Christmassy Ted Ted's quick thinking whilst lost in a department store's lingerie department earns him the coveted Golden Cleric award. So why doesn't he feel happy? Mrs Doyle's attempts to hang up the Christmas decorations become undone around her. She's also none too pleased at her Christmas present. Meanwhile, an "old friend" of Ted decides the time is ripe for a visit.
The Good Life Silly but It’s Fun Tom and Barbara are making home-made decorations and crackers in readiness for Christmas Day; after a standoff with a delivery driver, Margo has sent back her whole order because the Christmas tree was six and a quarter inches too short. But when the shop does not deliver her order the following day, she and Jerry are left with no decorations, food or drink. So Tom and Barbara invite them round for a self-sufficiency Christmas of home-made paper hats and improvised party games.
Citizen Smith A Story for Christmas It's Christmas time and Wolfie, Ken and Tucker are struggling for money to buy presents, so Ken suggests that he tries praying to God. It seems to work and they have a lot of luck with stamps – well at least they think they do!
The Green Green Grass From Here to Paternity When Llewellyn arrives accusing the Boyce's dog, Earl, of seducing his pedigree collie, Blodwyn, trouble starts to brew in the village. Things get a whole lot worse, when Mrs Cakeworthy overhears the Boyces talking about it and she assumes they're talking about Tyler getting Beth pregnant. Then when Tyler overhears something being said he thinks that Mrs Cakeworthy is pregnant. Spiraling out of control, the rumors get more and more wild.
Reason #14,221
Did you know that Pam & Mick's house in #GavinAndStacey wasn't actually in Billericay?! As Alison Steadman & @larrylamb47 near the end of their road trip, they pass by the Shipman's residence... #AlisonAndLarry concludes tonight at 8pm or you can watch all episodes On Demand. pic.twitter.com/aejMkjH7xl
— GOLD (@goldchannel) August 28, 2023
I Mean FFS Aleady
Sunday, August 27, 2023
15 Years Ago Today on Xmastime
Last week I was talking to Brothatime! about the airlines – he was marveling that the airlines are a huge industry that has been around forever yet has never made any money, and I was marveling that while we’re all supposed to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and tuff shit if we don’t, the government sure doesn’t seem to mind bailing out the airlines over and over. In short, we were doing a lot of marveling I guess.
The government refuses to even dream of paying our health insurance. But it loves to bail out the airlines. Why not combine the two? Why not have flying insurance – say you pay $50/month or whatever, and you can fly all you want. Within the US, of course. That way the government can keep the big corporate airlines afloat, which it loves to do, and we can fly around all we want without having to worry about paying $7 for a pillow the size of my liver. Hey, it's either that or pay all the money to New Orleans like we promised, it's up to you.
Don't Forget Idle
Over the past few weeks I've mentioned Williamsburg bands of my time I loved like The Vacant Lot and Tandy; of course the one that got me to Brooklyn in the first place was Idle, longtime Xmastime buddy Will Croxton's very-much worthy followup to his classic college rock band DT & the Shakes.
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't Idle back you up on your music-shifting ep TAKE MY TEENAGE HEAD?
Sigh. Yes they did, faithful readers, YES they did.
Anyway, I found Idle's first two FUCKING AMAZING albums on YouTube, enjoy!!
DOWNERS PHARMACY
GRAVITY ROCKS
TV Notes. I Have Them.
There's a lot of great stuff out there as always but I just can't say enough about what specifically great seasons The Wonder Years, What We Do in the Shadows and Killing It are having right now. Just fantastic.
A Note on the Amazing Curb Your Enthusiasm
I'm So Cheeky
Where’s a good guy with no arms when you need one 😡😡😡 https://t.co/tmId4OsuHP
— XMASTIME (@XMASTIMEblog) August 26, 2023
Saturday, August 26, 2023
Friday, August 25, 2023
A Note from Arnold's Owner Arnold to Joanie Cunnigham
"Calm the fuck down sweetheart, we're just tryna sling a few burgers here."🤣🤣🤣🤣
Bon Jovi Looking Back
Xmastime Rock Notes
If I had a short list of "songs that have meant a lot to me for most of my life so far" this would 100,000% be on that list.🤗🎸
No Big Whoop...
#XOTD2008
Watching this stupid episode of Beverly Hills 90210, I realized what a great suicide line worker I’d be. I mean, who the hell else would you rather talk to when you wanna feel good about yourself?
XMASTIME: Hotline, what’s your name?
CALLER: Hi, I'm…Brian.
XMASTIME: Hi Brian. How we doing?
CALLER: Not so good…not good at all…everything’s bad…
XMASTIME: Talk to me.
CALLER: Well. I haven’t hooked up with a girl in like 2 months.
XMASTIME: Really.
CALLER: Yeah…hey, this is anonymous, right? You know my name’s not really Brian, right? Cause I’m embarrassed.
XMASTIME: Brian, I haven’t gotten laid in three years.
CALLER: What the…what?
XMASTIME: That’s right. And she was a drunk Chinese slut, so lord knows what’ll happen to me.
CALLER: Oh my god. Three years?
XMASTIME: I lied, Brian. Five years.
CALLER: Jesus Christ. I’d freakin die.
XMASTIME: Well, not on the phone I hope.
CALLER: And it’s just that…my girlfriend, I dunno, Sometimes she bugs me. Wants to be with me all the time.
XMASTIME: Really. Hmm. Sounds tough.
CALLER: Right? Sometimes I just wanna hang out with the guys!
XMASTIME: How old are you Brian?
CALLER: 23.
XMASTIME: Okay. The last time I had a girlfriend, you were 10.
CALLER: What the…really?
XMASTIME: That’s right. Know what I’ve done every day and night since?
CALLER: What?
XMASTIME:“Hung out with the guys.” Know what I’d like?
CALLER: What?
XMASTIME: Some chick who wants me to be with her all the time.
CALLER: Jesus. That’s right. You’re so right.
XMASTIME: How’s the job front going Bri?
CALLER: Oh, it’s okay. Boring; I’m in line for a promotion and raise, but sometimes I wonder if selling out for some big corporation is what I really wanna be doing.
XMASTIME: Hmm. Sounds rough.
CALLER: Dude. You don’t wanna know.
XMASTIME: Actually I would Bri. I don’t have a job. Matter of fact, as I’m on the phone with you I’m trying to see if I can string this suicide line job out to 8 lines on my resume.
CALLER: Really? Jesus.
XMASTIME: That’s right. What’s this, Wednesday?
CALLER: Uh huh.
XMASTIME: Cool. Wednesdays are the nights I extend my Prell shampoo with water.
CALLER: Oh my god.
XMASTIME: If I’m feeling randy enough, knock out broken glass/urine cleanup in my room.
CALLER: I…uh…
XMASTIME: That way I can spend tomorrow night wondering if I’m gonna drop dead from a heart attack.
CALLER: Ummm….
XMASTIME: Anyways, you were saying something about being despressed?
CALLER: Well, yeah, but…
XMASTIME: I’m listening.
CALLER: Hey, look…I gotta go, I’m gonna pop in and surprise my girl
XMASTIME: You sure? I got time to talk, Brian. Murder She Wrote isn’t on for another hour.
CALLER: oh, jesus. I’m…I’m gonna go. Thanks for your help…
XMASTIME:You got it Bri!
CALLER: Actually…thanks a LOT…
XMASTIME: Good luck, Brian.
CALLER: Thanks man,
XMASTIME: Keep me in mind if anything opens up at your office!
Ideas for a Super-Short Cartoon Series. I Have Them.
TV Ideas. I Have Them.
Can't Hardly Wait (Again)
Making Things Happen, by Me!
VERY Curioius....INTeresting, Even...
Thursday, August 24, 2023
I'll Say This du Jour
I don’t know his music but there’s just something so damn likeable about Pitbull whenever he pops up on tv. 🤷♂️
Mug Shots in Georgia Day
Bonus EGG FOO WHAT?! Content for You People
In the morning they rose in a house pungent with breakfast cookery, and they sat at a smoking table loaded with brains and eggs, ham, hot biscuits, fried apples seething in their gummed syrups, honey, golden butter, fried steak, scalding coffee. Or there were stacked battercakes, rum-colored molasses, fragrant ground sausages, a bowl of wet cherries, plums, fat juicy bacon, jam. At the midday meal, they ate heavily: a huge hot roast of beef, fat buttered Lima beans, tender corn smoking on the cob, thick red slabs of sliced tomatoes, rough savory spinach, hot yellow corn bread, flaky biscuits, a deep-dish peach-and-apple cobbler spiced with cinnamon, tender cabbage, deep glass dishes piled with preserved fruits-cherries, pears, peaches. At night they might eat fried steak, hot squares of grits fried in egg and butter, pork chops, fish, young fried chicken.















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