Friday, October 31, 2025

John Roberts is a Piece of Shit

I've been screaming for a coupla years now (oh ffs do your own goddam search on here for the posts, I'm trying to enjoy a fucking Halloween here for once in my goddam life, people) that John Roberts has been the biggest piece of shit, corrupt Chief Justice in modern history and it looks like the rest of the planet is finally catching up to me:
The Supreme Court easily could have let the lower court ruling against Trump [having presidential immunity] stand, but Roberts orchestrated a ruling that effectively pardoned Trump retrospectively and prospectively. That unprecedented and partisan edict paved the way for Trump’s return to power.

John Roberts chose to be the kingmaker, giving Trump king-like powers last year, and then this year mowing down well-founded and well-grounded temporary restraining orders [that allowed] an array of unilateral and extreme dictates to proceed — even though doing so will cause irreparable harm transgress constitutional provisions, laws passed by Congress and long-standing legal precedents.

Roberts ignored a mountain of congressional findings, thousands of pages of record showing that the Voting Rights Act needed to be reauthorized for another couple of decades, in part because there were continuing attempts to oppress black voters by white dominated state legislatures. But John Roberts disregarded those findings that he was required to defer to.

The Supreme Court is not a fact-finding body — it is supposed to defer to the factual findings of lower courts and Congress. Instead, [he] has arrogantly used his position, with the willing help of other Republican appointees, to decimate key enforcement provisions.
Roberts is not a "sober, serious" judge or person and he never was; he's as culpable for Trump's deconstruction of democracy as the parent who gives their 10 year-old a bottle of vodka at a dinner party & then wants to pretend they have no idea why the kid shit on the ping-pong table in front of everybody.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, II

Like a lot of people - I think? - I'm a big fan of Ohtani but hate the Dodgers, so I want Ohtani to keep doing shit in the World Series we'll all tell our grandchildren about while losing to the Blue Jays.

BUT.

Today is Halloween, and just take a little look with those beady little peepers of yours at this:

...since beating the Cincinnati Reds in the Wild Card Series, the Dodgers are batting .214 with a .666 OPS against the Philadelphia Phillies, Milwaukee Brewers and Blue Jays.

That's right - on today of all days that is a VERY interesting OPS to be going around with in your plastic orange jack-lantern knocking on strangers' doors.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Moi Say Moi back in 2024:

To celebrate October being Halloween month I re-watched Hot Fuzz; while I eagerly awaited the Village Green Preservation Society scene I had forgotten that Village Green (different song, idiots!) is also in it and it struck me to ask that with these two songs being featured as part of Simon Pegg's comedy-horror Three Flavors Cornetto trilogy along with songs such as Wicked Annabella, End of the Season and Lazy Old Sun, are The Kinks the most naturally-springing organic spooky Halloween band out there? 🤔 🤷‍♂️

I vote YES!

Repeat No Repeat

I asked my ChatGPT (hi ChatGPT! 👋) when was the last time a major league baseball team repeated as World Series champs and not only was I surprised to find out the answer was my beloved 2000 New York Yankees (three-peat baby!) but also that we're in the midst of the longest such streak in MLB history:
At 24 seasons & counting, the longest stretch in MLB history without a repeat World Series champion is the one we're in right now: No team has gone back-to-back since the Yankees three-peat (’98–’00).
Okay I guess that pretty much just repeated what I'd already said but goddammit I get paid by the word for my Gentlemen's Platinum Club Members. 

State du Moi

I am so jealous of this joke I wanna throw up. 😡😡😡😡


 

Current Events, MAGA Style

Gee I guess this is some of that hallowed sports meritocracy MAGA loves to scream about 24/7. 


 

Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime

The only problem with constantly telling everybody you’ve just brought in trillions of dollars is that eventually someone will ask where it is.


 

Wednesday, October 29, 2025

I'll Say This

If you knew how much of my packing was based around my big dog slippers you'd probably realize it's exactly as much as you'd guess it would be.


 

CURRENT STATUS: Looking for Plastic Vampire Fangs



This...

...is one Rice Krispie Treat? Do I live amongst giants?!??!?

Oh My

Could it possibly be that this is the mixing bowl that's gonna be used tomorrow to make Wegmans Olive Oil Tuscan Bread, i.e. the bread for which I am desperately trying to stage my own intervention because it's so incredible I can’t stop eating it???!?!?!?

Seeing the bowl lying there for me to see just as easy as I pleased, seeming to be resting because it knew damn well it was about to do something nobody else could do, makes me think of when you were young & you'd go see one of your favorite bands and while you waited for them to come onstage their guitars & amps were already onstage waiting as well & you just couldn’t believe you were actually looking at the very thing that made the magic you’re in love with.

TFW You've Never Been Lucky a Moment in Your Life & Then You Flip Over to Pluto TV and This is the First Thing You See & So You Know What's Coming Up Like It's 9th Grade All Over Again


 

My Most Hallowen Moment of the Year So Far

And His Name Was Benjamin Franklin?



Another Announcement About the First 100 Days of an Xmastime Presidential Administration

I will make the Dancing in the Dark video disappear form the internet forever. We've all suffered enough, none more than Bruce himself.

OTHER XMASTIME PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN PROMISES (so far)

  • All adults will be able to order off the kids menu at restaurants
  • Anybody who brags about how they ONLY will make popcorn the old-fashioned way on their stove top goes directly to jail.
  • Life in prison for anyone who gives Joe Walsh a free pass for associating himself with the shittiest/most boring band of all time The Eagles
  • I promise to make it illegal for Amazon to sell books that have passed into public domain & can be printed out by any shithead with a printer without making it clear on their site
  • I will force McDonalds to get rid of its McRib nonsense
  • No more blowing your nose in front of other people
  • It will only be legal to run a goddam leaf blower on Saturdays between 8:00am-8:59am. No exceptions.
  • Michael Jordan & Charles Barkley have to be best friends again
  • Every tv show has to do a dinner murder mystery bottle episode
  • Serving sizes will make sense to human beings who don't get paid to be food serving size scientists; for instance, one serving of potato wedges would be "one potato wedge" & not some wildly unhelpful "3 oz" bullshit.  

Ideas. I Have Them.

I rarely watch any of my regular podcasts on Youtube – after all, aren’t podcasts for when you’re doing anything other than listening to podcasts? – but I have noticed that anytime the podcast is based on news or politics, the odds of at least one of the podcasters Zooming in from a random hotel room are generally around 100%.

So why haven’t hotels capitalized on this by using these countless onscreen hours for advertising? As in, maybe that person gets their room for free, but there’s a small logo of the hotel in the corner. OR there’s a digital ad in the background as if a poster on the wall behind the person on the call. Has this not happened yet?

Can I get a team of $$$$$ together to make this happen? OR DO YOU NOT WANT TO BACK UP THE MONEY TRUCK PEOPLE, BEEP BEEP BEEP!! 💰 💰 💰 💰

Movie Ideas. I Have Them.

A small group of the world’s first trillionaires are loaded up in their spaceship, launching off to another planet millions of miles away to start a whole new world, which they will rule as Gods. Alongside their own spaceship is large cargo spaceship filled with all the supplies & workers they’ll be using to do all the actual work building this new world – manual laborers, service people, engineers, scientists and plenty of middle management to make it all run, since obviously the trillionaires will mostly be sitting around puffing cigars & patting themselves on the back enjoying the largesse they’ve built for themselves.

BUT.

The second spacecraft never launches. When the trillionaires get to their new planet & find out the second spaceship’s not coming, they realize that they’re gonna hafta do everything the people in the second spaceship were gonna do for them just to survive, so now these fat cats have gone from crowning themselves as Gods of the New World to scurrying around desperately trying to hunt/find food, build shelter etc but with all the expertise for such things still millions of miles away back on Earth.

I’d watch that shit!

LOOKING FOR INVESTORS PEOPLE!!! 💰💰💰💰

Tuesday, October 28, 2025

Speaking of France...

...you know it makes sense, bruv! 🤗🤣🕺🇬🇧

Il y a 10 Ans Aujourd'hui

Ten years ago today I landed in France, my first time ever on European soil!! 🇫🇷🤗🕺

See:
I have no idea who that terrified person was.

Follow along with my trip via my post highlighting the delightful Instagrams I posted throughout my travels!

Here's one to wet your beak:


 

 

 

Me. I'm Really Happening, Aren't I?

I mean I know I sound like a 4th-grade boy here but I just can't believe this line got through what must be a quite rigorously prohibitive Oreo Cookie approvals gauntlet. 


 

Whoa Whoa Fellas, Easy!

Dial it down a notch gentlemen, I'm just trying to start my pasta bolognese for the week over here!!!

I Like the Effort Wegmans...

...but are these candy corn cookies or tree cookies dressed like candy corn? 🤷‍♂️


 

9th UPDATE: You Are Freaking Me Out Now, Apple

Nine Eighteen Twenty-seven Thirty-six Forty-five Fifty-four Sixty-three Seventy-six Eighty-five Ninety-four One hundred & four days ago, I mentioned how strangely fresh an apple in my fruit bowl was looking:

Ever since Super Size Me first came out everybody wants to push some crazy story about how fake the Big Mac is based on it supposedly never rotting away - "OMG Ben Franklin put a Big Mac on his counter and now just two weeks ago the fucking thing learned how to drive a stick shift!!!" - but meanwhile I bought this apple so many weeks ago I can’t remember when and it looks the exact same as when I bought it. 🤔🤷‍♂️

Here's that apple 104 days ago:

Here's that apple 95 days ago:

Here's that apple 86 days ago:
 
Here's that apple 77 days ago:


Here's that apple 64 days ago:


Here's that apple 55 days ago:


Here's that apple 46 days ago:

 
Here's that apple 37 days ago:

 
Here's that apple 28 days ago:

 
Here's that apple 19 days ago:


Here's that apple 10 days ago:


Aaaaaaaaand here's that apple today:

An Open Letter to Podcasters

Dear Podcasters:

If you are incredibly lucky enough to have Stax legend David Porter on your podcast THEN DON'T GIVE ME 18 MINUTES OF YOU FUCKING YAPPING!! Nobody cares - we're here for David Porter! I understand if it's a regular episode & you wanna yammer on about your own bullshit & I know it's not a big deal for me to just skip ahead but for fuck's sake if you have David Porter of your goddam podcast THEN LET US HEAR DAVID PORTER ON YOUR GODDAM PODCAST!!! 😡 😡 😡 😡 

I remain,
Xmastime


New Off-Putting Broadway Play Idea

If I Could Jizz Twice for You Right Now Daddy Trump I Would!

Starring: MAGA Dudes!

LOOKING FOR INVESTORS PEOPLE, LET'S FINALLY BACK UP THAT GODDAM MONEY TRUCK ONCE & FOR ALL!!!! 💰💰💰💰

Want du Jour

The Crown
by Sarah Lundblad, 2025

Mukluks: paintingsoflondon


 

Opening Sentence of My Next Novel

            Every time __________ threw his closet door open to snatch his jacket off its hanger he imagined
he was rushing out for an emergency that would end with him being declared a goddam hero.

Questions. I Have Them.

Did I just walk by what looks like a first date happening at Panera? 🤔🤷‍♂️

I'll Say This.

I don't think I've ever once eaten anything introduced by someone I know as being their "Famous ____________" and walked away thinking it in any way deserved its moniker.

RIP Sybil

The legendary Prunella Scales has died at 93:
In “Fawlty Towers,” which aired on BBC Two in 1975 and 1979 and later on PBS, Ms. Scales elevated the character of exasperated spouse to a new level.

Starring opposite John Cleese, who played the high-strung manager of a dysfunctional seaside hotel, Ms. Scales was his elaborately coiffed and impeccably dressed wife who stood as a picture of eye-rolling calm as farce unfolded around her.
Not only did I go on a small Fawlty Towers run this weekend, but in the midst of watching it occurred to me she was the best onscreen phone talker ever on a sitcom.

It sounds like a long, wonderful life. And her son has been great in the reboot of All Creatures Great and Small!



Wait So THAT's What Doggy-Style Means?

Monday, October 27, 2025

Questions. I Have Them.

How much grateful black pussy do you think Abe Lincoln missed out on? 🤔🤷‍♂️

Down at the Wegmans

I just watched a mother with an overstuffed grocery cart & 4 kids send one of them sprinting down the line of checkout counters to see which line would be the quickest for them to join and the kid came running back with the answer like a dog with a bird in his mouth & it's one of maybe 3 times in my entire life I've ever wished I had kids.

A Statement on America

Whether they’ve realized it yet or not, Republicans have now made it so that Trump will HAVE to replace democracy with his own dictatorship; unlike the previous tacit arrangement we had of

Republicans come in & act like assholes for a coupla years & then when there’s no more money to scrape up anymore …

Democrats hafta come in & be the adults and clean up the mess

While publicly stating that instead of holding the people who ran rampant with their own ideas of what laws should be accountable for their actions and the destruction they’ve done or tried to do to the American people …

We’re “moving forward”, and that “Americans don’t have the stomach for putting the country through such a tumultuous time” …

And if we can get ONE good thing out of each Democratic administration – Obamacare, Biden’s infrastructure bill – then we could live with knowing that it's only a matter of time before the next Republican shithead rolls back into power

Rinse, lather, repeat.

But thanks to Trump’s Personal Revenge & Retribution Tour, Democrats can no longer do the whole “oh let’s just move forward…” thing since unlawfully jailing your political foes without even hiding that it's 100% fueled by personal vengeance is a bit removed from generic political bullshit; Democrats need to be very clear right now that unless Republicans take steps to reign Trump in then should there ever be another Democratic president, which there may not be, no mercy will be shown to those who most nefariously helped Trump become Our American Hitler.

We know Trump’s gonna be just fine with his tootsies up on a beach somewhere, and we know he’s not gonna lift a finger to return any loyalty to those people anyway, so if this shit keeps going then it needs to be made very clear that should the time come, it will be their Nuremberg moment and their Dear Leader won't be saving them.

Of course I'm not gonna hold me breath for any of this, but I think it still holds as being true.

Satan Thrilled to Bring His Jersey Number Out of Retirement for Trump


 

Out in the Street

If as a nation we could capture the energy of my acting like I was actually hustling across the street after some dude waved me through in front of his truck then we could convert that energy into solving all out country's problems pretty much overnight.

RONNIE BARKER FOREVER!

Ricky Gervais gets all the flowers for his dance in The Office that one time but Ronnie Barker in just a few seconds of flailing during Porridge is funnier.

RONNIE BARKER FOREVER!

Sunday, October 26, 2025

😡😡😡😡


Vinyl Shoutout + Some Superslice of All Superslices Marah Love

I've mentioned my newfound joy in both replenishing my vinyl & SAYING I'm replenishing my vinyl and this is just one example of how amazing the average product packaging has gotten, along with 180-gram vinyl that could stop a bird in mid-flight if you hold it up in the air. Incredible.

Current Events, with Xmastime!

I'm not quite smart enough to put my finger on it, but whenever I see someone screech about the horrors of socialism while extolling the singular virtue of 2025 capitalism I can’t help but think about this excerpt from a CERtain someone’s debut best non-selling novel:

I handed him his apple juice and turned to the stovetop to finish his plate off with some rice and beans.

“How ‘bout some of these rice n' beans, buddy?”

“No! NO rice n beans!”

The bottom of his sippy cup came slamming down on the island in utter defiance.

“Really?  I dunno buddy, they look really, really good.”

My back was to him as I plopped the rice and beans into their correct slot on his plate.

“No!  No Rats, no rice n beans!”

“You sure?”

I carried the plate to the island where he defiantly sat, pointing and shouting at me to not even try to feed him that crap.

“No! NO RICE N BEANS!”

“Okay, lil’ buddy, you got it.”

I simply put his plate down in front of him and waited. He looked at the plate, staring at the rice and beans.

“Rats, what’s this?”

“Mexican food.”

Without hesitating he dug in.

A Question About Grant Hart's Fantastic Solo Album INTOLERANCE

Is this the natural successor to his beautiful Flexible Flyer from Husker Du's classic Flip Your Wig

We Love You Grant Hart! 🤗🕺❤️🥁🎸🥲

State du Moi

I just got off the elevator & there was a baby stroller with a baby lying in it with nobody else in sight & for an instant my brain flashed oh shit is my life about to @#$%ing change forever? 😮😳😬😮😳😬😮😳😬

Then an instant later the baby's mother popped out of the trash room and strolled away.

Well. I assume it was the baby's mother.

Questions. I Have Them.

Did someone in the olden days invent the whole -eth ending for words thing ("my cuppeth runneth over" par exampla gratiaeth) to cover up their lisp? 🤔🤷‍♂️

Branding I Love du Jour

Ya'll know I loves my grocery store branding; is this always the design for these cereals? Or just a cool retro Halloween thingee?

XMASTIME LIKES!!


 

Hello Huck!! 🐶🐶🐶🕺❤️🤗 🤣🕺

If you liked Finn then say hello to his huskier brother Huck!!

    
Scooter's thrilled.    

Watch out for the dementors, fellas! 

Conundrums. I Have One.

I don't know if I'd rather quit drinking so I can be Judgy McJudgerson every time I hear someone crack a beer open or start drinking so I can mansplain IPAs to women half my age.

Will keep you posted!

Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime

People like to compare Trump to Marie Antoinette but as far as I know the French didn't repeatedly insist on sending her all of their own cake.

Saturday, October 25, 2025

Well Well Well.

I called this shit back when they started dicking around with more flavors after Cool Ranch. 😡😡😡😡


 

Why Bother.

Imagine giving human beings the ability to look at something that's 3.2 BILLION miles away but having some asshole roll their eyes "finally" at it.


 

So Close! I’ll Try to Catch it Again Tomorrow



Footage Found of Hitler Talking Poignantly About His Older Brother Kenneth, the "Real" Talent of the Family Who Got Lost in Middle Management



Life is Art is Life (is Art?)

Moi Say Moi on seeing Springsteen close out The Rising tour at Shea Stadium in 2003:

I remember 50,000 people going nuts when Dylan came out. Going nuts when they started playing. Then Dylan began to sing, and it went from 50,000 fans going nuts to the sound of 50,000 people collectively looking at each other and asking "what the fuck is he singing?"

And because the internet is insane, I've found crowd footage of that moment. You're welcome, Earf! 🤗🕺🎸 

Life. It's Really Happening, Isn't It?

I just stepped outside my apartment door and watched some guy walk down the hallway & knock on someone else's door so now I'm like wait hold up is everybody else in this building best friends now except me???

Seinfeld du Jour

Someone just "wrote" an article about how shitty the first season of Seinfeld was, and they seem to think "nobody was ever brave enough to admit this" is the way to go:

I rewatched Seinfeld and realized that season 1 is lackluster and disappointing, and it's a stark contrast to the rest of the series. Despite the praise we still give Seinfeld, I think we all have to realize the first season is weaker than we thought.
"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), "didn't you rather bravely rip that season a new asshole all the way back in 2010?"

Sigh. Yes I did, faithful readers, YES I did:

Pilot  (1989)
Good News Bad News (7/5/89)
Terrible. Although George's bit with the notepad and "why not bring in another guy?" line is great. And his "I'm aware of you" when Kramer ("Kessler") asks him about commercial real estate.

Season 1 (1990)
The Stakeout (5/31/90)

Blech. Although noteworthy for it being the first episode w/Elaine, the Loni Anderson bit, and the first time we see George utter the words "Art Vandelay."

The Robbery (6/7/90)
Awful, except for the Odds/Evens battle and George's later agony over losing it.

Male Unbonding (6/14/90)
Absolutely unfunny except for, again, George. Jason Alexander gets a lot of shit (including from himself) for basically doing a Woody Allen impression this early in the series, but so far he's the only thing worth watching.
   
The Stock Tip (6/21/90)
Even George couldn't save this one.

Friday, October 24, 2025

Another Announcement About the First 100 Days of an Xmastime Presidential Administration

Serving sizes will make sense to human beings who don't get paid to be food serving size scientists; for instance, one serving of these potato wedges would be "one potato wedge" & not the wildly unhelpful "3 oz" bullshit.

XMASTIME PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN PROMISES (so far)
  • All adults will be able to order off the kids menu at restaurants
  • Anybody who brags about how they ONLY will make popcorn the old-fashioned way on their stove top goes directly to jail.
  • Life in prison for anyone who gives Joe Walsh a free pass for associating himself with the shittiest/most boring band of all time The Eagles
  • I promise to make it illegal for Amazon to sell books that have passed into public domain & can be printed out by any shithead with a printer without making it clear on their site
  • I will force McDonalds to get rid of its McRib nonsense
  • No more blowing your nose in front of other people
  • It will only be legal to run a goddam leaf blower on Saturdays between 8:00am-8:59am. No exceptions.
  • Michael Jordan & Charles Barkley have to be best friends again
  • Every tv show has to do a dinner murder mystery bottle episode
I look forward to your vote(s)!

I'll Say This.

I could never be British because I don’t like jelly on my toast.

AVAILABLE TODAY

Thursday, October 23, 2025

Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime

Catherine Tate doesn't get enough credit for how funny she was in The Office! 😡🇬🇧

Movie Bookmark du Jour

GOOD Capitol

You people know how much I think David Dexter should have his own section in Hell, but the classic Capitol Record rainbow label is 1) a fantastic design 2) a musical Proustian moment for me since as I Sgt. Pepper was the first non-Romper Room or Disco Duck record I ever remember looking at, having found it leaning up against a record player in the back room of the library my mother worked at. 

Since of course like any real Beatles fan I make sure all my albums are from the original British Parlophone label I don't have a Capitol version of Sgt. Pepper thank you very much, but I Am the Walrus was recorded just a couple months after Sgt. Pepper and the Magical Mystery Tour LP only comes out on Capitol so I had to buy it....listening right now brings me back to finding Sgt. Pepper in that back room & then  hearing it for the first time; while it would still take me a decade or two to grow up & fall in love with their music, I always consider that moment in the back room of the library to be the first step I took to get there. 

Why...

...do I feel like I just caught someone in the act?


 

Gretchen, Stop Trying to Make Fetch Happen.



Goldfish Review

 FIRST OF ALL: you people know how much I love love love my Cheddar Goldfish!

But you people also know how much I love my Snoopy & the Peanuts gang 
so of course I lit up when I saw these:

Ummmmmm...is this rabbit food? Or rabbit turds? 😬

As I told my goddaughter, a fellow Peanuts fan, it turns out they’re COOKIES, not crackers, which makes more sense. A bit of a letdown, but only because the expectations were too high - I mean they’re supposed to be Goldfish!! 😜🤣🤣🕺 I probably won’t get them again but hey like I said I love the packaging so 🤷‍♂️. 😜🕺 🕺🤗🐶

Questions. I Have Them.

Have I just taken the single greatest Halloween photo of its generation? 🤔🤷‍♂️


What a Total Fuckwad

JD Vance's 100-car motorcade over at the Winter Olympics is causing a stir: The VP’s enormous motorcade features dozens of Chevy Suburb...