Ah, Life. What Can You Do?

Rinse, lather, repeat. 😡😡

Song Project Day 85

PROJECT: every day, until I run out of songs, I will take a Replacements song and swap a word out for the word "fart". Wish me luck!

DAY 85: Shut Up (Sorry Ma, Forgot to Take Out the Trash)

Well Tommy's too young
Bobby's too drunk
I only can fart one note
Chris needs a watch to keep time
We'll never find the time to vote
And I can for a change
Go for a job
Tell me about your girlfriend
Tell me about your job
Shut up
Shut up

Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list: 

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios, the Starbucks mobile ordering app, any toaster with more than two slots, bears, watching car tail lights crossing a bridge at night, refrigerator ice machines that work, nodding & saying "fellas" whenever I walk by two dogs together, rye bread, That Thing You Do!, Martin Short,Square Books in Oxford Mississippi, Hayday

A Play, in Two Acts

Pretty Great du Jour

Life and Me at a Baseball Game

Last night while waiting for Watty & Marley outside of the Nats Park, a woman came walking by with who looked to be her 14 year-old - I'll just say the word here and we'll move on - retarded son. He was dressed to the whatevs in Nats stuff, and seemed pretty pumped to be going to the game. It was great to see. I somehow caught his eye and he lit up, stepped right over to me with right arm held high, and we slapped five. He shouted something incoherent and I said "go get 'em Nats!" even though I couldn't give less of a shit about the Nats.

"LOOK at me," I thought to myself after our great moment, "look at me connecting with someone less fortunate than myself, just LOOK at me! Aren't I just such a nice -" and at that moment I looked over and saw him smacking a high five with someone else - " - oh you know what fuck that asshole!"

🤷‍♂️

Bumper Sticker du Jour

It’s not that anything can happen. It’s that something can happen.*

 

*Xmastime 2022 (TM)

Kool Thing: A Reflection

First of all, Kim Gordon would go on to become one of my "Rock Ladies" if you know what I mean; maybe behind only Chrissie Hynde and Debbie Harry?

ANYhoo, the line in the caption about the reflection got to me. Of course, I've mused before (yes, ladies, I still muse now):

Capturing shit on film is kinda weird anyway, isn't it? I mean, who knows where you might be in a picture somewhere. Some family from North Dakota get their picture taken on the Boardwalk, you happen to be walking behind them and there you are, on some mantle in a room in a house in a town you'll never even know exists. Maybe in 1983 you took a picture, and beside a tree in the picture happened to be a girl you end up meeting and marrying 20 years later. Same with movies - e.g. the last scene of "Valley Girl," when the camera pulls away, showing the LA freeway packed with cars. What if you were in one of those cars? There you are, on film forever. Kinda creepy. Hell, there's even shots of unknown people that have become "standards", shown anytime there's a show about some subject. Like the girl screaming into the fence while the Beatles played Shea in '65, or the girl running to her father coming home from Vietnam. Anybody in the Zapruder film. We see these shots over and over; whatever happened to these people? They alive, dead? What's their story, what'd they go through in the ensuing decades? Become anybody, have 5 kids, date Tony Basil? The teenagers cracking eggs on the heads of the SNCC protesters in Woolworth's (or Montgomery Ward?) - what become of them? Would they do it again? Somebody needs to find all these people, the people on the periphery caught forever, caught as part of history. Find these people, tell us about them. Now that would be a coffee table book I'd read. 

So now all I can think of is this and other reflections in photos, all around the world right now. Pictures of people in pictures who weren't even supposed to BE in those pictures, and who knows 1) where the photo is right now 2) whatever happened to that person 3) are they dead? I'm guessing the person in the reflection of this Kim Gordon photo may be dead. But who knows...

Thoughts. I Have Them.

Anyone who tells you the reason for something is "because God told me” is like the used car guy who takes your offer and goes back to “speak to the manager”.

Still a Good Idea btw

😬😳 #regrets #dontbelikeSnoopy #DoTheRightThing #notathreat #imjustsaying

DON’T BE LIKE SNOOPY GUYS!!

Song Project Day 84

PROJECT: every day, until I run out of songs, I will take a Replacements song and swap a word out for the word "fart". Wish me luck!

DAY 84: Waitress in the Sky (Tim)

She don't wear no pants and she don't wear no tie
Always on the ball, she's always on strike
Fartin' up the aisle, big deal, you get to fly
You ain't nothin' but a waitress in the sky

Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list: 

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios, the Starbucks mobile ordering app, any toaster with more than two slots, bears, watching car tail lights crossing a bridge at night, refrigerator ice machines that work, nodding & saying "fellas" whenever I walk by two dogs together, rye bread, That Thing You Do!, Martin Short,

Now THIS Was a Happy Find 🤗🤗🕺🕺🐶🐶🐶🤣🤣

Ah Yes….

… TFW you realize your hero is also one of your biggest fans. #blessed 

Song Project Day 83

PROJECT: every day, until I run out of songs, I will take a Replacements song and swap a word out for the word "fart". Wish me luck!

DAY 83: Rock 'n Roll Ghost (Don't Tell a Soul)

Well, you said,
He's better off dead
You think that I might have heard a word
But I was much too young
And much too cool for farts
Look at me now

Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list: 

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios, the Starbucks mobile ordering app, any toaster with more than two slots, bears, watching car tail lights crossing a bridge at night, refrigerator ice machines that work, nodding & saying "fellas" whenever I walk by two dogs together, rye bread, That Thing You Do!,

That’s Heavy Bruv

Capitalism, I Love It!

Welcome to Moving Units Monday! ("MUM!") 🤗🕺😜

to buy WILLIAMSBURG RATS: https://amzn.to/3bwEDoi

to buy THE WEDDING PARTIES: https://amzn.to/3u7wzkm

 

Fuck Yeah du Jour

Mukluks: longtime Xmastime pal Cookieface

Song Project Day 82

PROJECT: every day, until I run out of songs, I will take a Replacements song and swap a word out for the word "fart". Wish me luck!

DAY 82: Run It (Hootenanny)

Lyndale
Garfield
Back up now 'cept
Engine stopped fartin'

There ain't nobody watchin' -- run it
There ain't nobody watchin' -- run it

Ugly

At least Republicans can finally stop pretending to be the party of "small government" and can revel in being our national Gladys Kravitz. Way to go, guys.

Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list: 

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios, the Starbucks mobile ordering app, any toaster with more than two slots, bears, watching car tail lights crossing a bridge at night, refrigerator ice machines that work, nodding & saying "fellas" whenever I walk by two dogs together, rye bread, 

The Corn Was Salty That Night, My Friends

Early Birfday Jubilee Celebration Officially Launched!

Thanks Kdawggy, Watty & Marley🕺👻🤗🤗🧁🧁🧁🧁

I Mean, Just Sayin'

Ugh

Why are evangelicals such piece of shit hypocrites, you ask? You're in luck!

In the last 40 years, America has provided enough political ammunition for these evangelicals to swing almost every election, dating back to Ronald Reagan in 1980. In that decade, AIDS was seen as God's judgment on the gay lifestyle, while cultural phenomena from Madonna to Howard Stern to hip-hop and increasingly open discussion of sexuality all became symbols of America's fatal decadence. In the '90s, evangelicals became obsessed with Bill Clinton's various scandals, TV shows that depicted gay characters or women who had abortions, and still more rap music (and video games).

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't you point tell everybody what a sorry piece of shit Ronald Reagan was just a few months ago?"

Sigh. Yes I did, faithful readers, YES I did. You're welcome!

😡

Unlike classrooms thanks to her party’s gun fetish, at least with an abortion you can only kill one at a time.

Me at the Movies

The movie really is a tragic reminder that Elvis was the real mockingbird you shouldn’t kill because all they wanna do is sing and make you happy.

Is this movie weird in that you have the most famous actor ever and then I literally don’t even recognize the next nine actors names?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hungry, ladies? Go ahead & help yourself heh heh heh OH GROW UP jokes on you idiots, I was at the theater all by myself like always. Bam! In your FACES!

Simpler Times

Song Project Day 81

PROJECT: every day, until I run out of songs, I will take a Replacements song and swap a word out for the word "fart". Wish me luck!

DAY 81: You Lose (Hootenanny)

Yeah
You fart
You fart
Yeah
You fart
You fart

Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list: 

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios, the Starbucks mobile ordering app, any toaster with more than two slots, bears, watching car tail lights crossing a bridge at night, refrigerator ice machines that work, nodding & saying "fellas" whenever I walk by two dogs together,

Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list: 

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios, the Starbucks mobile ordering app, any toaster with more than two slots, bears, watching car tail lights crossing a bridge at night,

Song Project Day 80

PROJECT: every day, until I run out of songs, I will take a Replacements song and swap a word out for the word "fart". Wish me luck!

DAY 80: Takin' a Ride (Sorry Ma, Forgot to Take Out the Trash)

Going real fast, hanging out the window
Drinking in the back seat, half the bottle/at full throttle
The light was green, so was I
The farts are blasting, turn that shit off

Just Sayin' du Jour

I shouldn't be surprised but Ebon Moss-Bachrach is fantastic in The Bear.

Hmmm....

June 25 is also the 24th anniversary of me & Dish rocking together for the first time...coincidence? Well yes obviously but still, get over to The Happy Scene Take My Teenage Head at 25 box set NOW and decide if you like us or McCartney more! Well yes obviously but still....

DA Baby

I've stumbled into a random episode of Downton Abbey via terrestrial cable tv on my hotel room (YES people I know I owe you a live-bloging of the recent movie but how about gettting off my goddam ass for two seconds?) that I just happened to recap back in 2014, so I will now greatly please you with my five favorite lives from it. You're welcome, Earth!

- Edith, to the new pig guy: “Where did you learn about pigs?” Gee I dunno, dingbat, maybe he knows pigs because 1) he's a farmer and 2) it's 1922? I wish he’d answered “Pig school, graduated Magna Cum Pork.”

- I like Bates’ various canes hanging on the wall like a trophy case. “This one helped me walk in here for the first time, back in 1912. This one was in my hand when I was married to Anna. The rest I just use to beat the shit out of people ‘cause I’m a fucking loose cannon jackoff.”

- Mary: “We must rise to life’s challenges.” Yes, like being born into the reigning family of an entire village with vast wealth. You don’t want her problems; reminds me of a certain somebody.

- How many fucking times is Gillingham gonna “drop by” Downton? He’s been there almost as many weekends as Matthew during the Battle of the Somme, for fuck’s sake.

- Poor Ethan Napier. The 4th wheel. That should be a category in porn, “The Napier”: The sad sack that comes wandering into group sex scenes and never gets laid. Smiles the entire time and brings the sodas. “Hey guys!”

- Mrs. Hughes: “(something something) for the village people.” Surely Fellowes inserted this as a goof, right? How great would it be if the camera panned the bazaar stalls and in one of them was an Indian, a police chief, a construction worker, Prancer, Donner & Blitzen?

Wow Carson, thank YOU!

Song Project Day 79

PROJECT: every day, until I run out of songs, I will take a Replacements song and swap a word out for the word "fart". Wish me luck!

DAY 79: We'll Inherit the Earth (Don't Tell a Soul)

We'll inherit the earth but we don't want it
Layin' farts at birth, what'cha doin' on it?"

I Mean FFS People, I Am Not Made of Stone

Today's "Republicans are Repulsive but Let's Just Get This Shit Out of the Way So I Can Have a Goddam Friday" Post

Ugh I really hate this.

If Republicans discovered they could perform abortions with guns I have a feeling today would feel a lot different for a lot of people.

Guns 1, Women 0. MAGA, indeed.

 

If Republicans could have every dollar Trump's ever used to pay for abortions just think of all the AR-15s they could buy.

Farewell, separation of church and state. Disgusting. And I have a *feeling* that Republicans suddenly won't love this the minute a non-Christian/non-white group wants to do the same thing.

5 people chosen by presidents who lost the popular election - 3 of them by one who lost it TWICE - just told 40 million women they have no rights re: their own bodies. American democracy really is something. MAGA, indeed.

 

Yeah but hey Hillary did something or other with some email servers whatever they are so I guess it all evens out in the end.  

 

At least this was a nice burn:

Oh FFS KFC

I've been bitching for years INCLUDING MOST RECENTLY IN 2020!!!! about the absuridyt of fast food "special celebrity meals!" for being nothing special at all (and in my case at my age I'm not even certain about the "celebrity" part).

So now some young hot shot rapper is doing it for KFC and the writer of this post can't seem to wrap her head around how KFC is struggling with such promotions, so as a favor I'd like to point out one simple fact, that just like the others before them this meal is duller than fuck.

A spicy chicken sandwich? WOW! Oh wait - with ranch!!

With...fries!!??! Oh but not just fries but "secret recipe" fries!! Oh my! I kneel before you, Kentucky Fried Genius Professor in the Lab!

Aaaaaand some macaroni and cheese.

That's it? That's fucking it, that's what this hipster 20-something came up with to excite people about KFC?

GTFO, boring mofos. Ugh.

Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list: 

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios, the Starbucks mobile ordering app, any toaster with more than two slots, bears,

Well. This IS Quite the Shibboleth...

I'll Be Honest - This Was a Sick Burn.

These are Exciting Times We're Living In!

I'm thinking about selling the chapter interstitials from my first book as NFTs, offering them to you folks first. Bidding starts at $5,000, please be nice to each other thaaaaaaaaanks. Here’s the first one!!

TV Thoughts. I Have Them.

Didn't Jackie have a kid during Roseanne? Is this ever mentioned throughout The Conners? 🤔🤷‍♂️

All-Time Classic 🤗 #goddaughter

EGG FOO WHAT?!

New Egg Foo What?! ep is up! Mike reads his favorite Williamsburg Rats passage (an accident in the boudoir oooooooooohhh!) with a bit TOO much glee, and I reveal I've been lying about being allergic to terrible foods. Enjoy it HERE!

Fuck the Stones

I've bitched for 20 years about Mick & Keef taking all the credit & money for The Verve's great Bittersweet Symphony. I have nothing to add that's better than this fabulous, concise wrap-up of the bullshit:

Officially, the Verve got screwed primarily by infamous rock ’n’ roll supermanager Allen Klein, who worked with and/or battled in court with both the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. It’s Allen Klein who controlled much of the Rolling Stones’ catalog at this time, and as this song was already becoming a runaway hit, it’s Allen Klein who refused to clear the “Bitter Sweet Symphony” sample unless Mick and Keith got all the credit, and the money. Or, more likely, the guy who handled the money for Mick and Keith, who got all the money. In private, reportedly, Mick and Keith both liked “Bitter Sweet Symphony,” but they declined to get involved in this fracas, or advocate on Richard’s behalf. Rock ’n’ roll. 

😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡 😡

50 Years Ago Today on Peanuts

Yeah thanks but it turns out I'm not ready to see Peppermint Patty crying like a normal young girl. She's a heckuva gal who plays baseball because softball is too girly so jesus no thanks on her being this "real". And never mind me getting started with Linus, History's Greatest Monster, reacting in a nice (albeit creepy) way (with what, a fucking dog bowl on his head?) instead of his usual "oh hey, just sit tight while I do something incredibly weird here with my blanket and recite another Bible verse for you dirtbags..."

Do better, Charles M. Schulz dammit!

Oh HELL No!

Every day I look online and then of course get worked up about guns, and nobody having health insurance, or Republicans are awful blah blah fucking blah but I have never gotten so instantly incensed as when I saw this motherfucker:

I'm not from Liverpool. I don't live in Liverpool. I've never been to Liverpool. But the lengths I had to go to stop my SEETHING self from ripping this idiot to shreds, if I put that energy towards anything then I could probably...well, do things that other people normally do normally , but you know what I'm saying. Thankfully all the comments from other people are showing the same, and I assume we're minutes away from this jackass admitting he was just "having a laugh, mate!" but still anyway, fuck this guy 😡😡😡😡

Mind. Blown. 😬

 

The Office du Jour

It's very weird how Patrice O'Neal eats his pizza here, and I notice it every single time I see the episode. Yeesh.

Uncle Albert

The other day I had some fun, as I'm want to do, supposing if it was actually Buster Merryfield, aka Uncle Albert from Only Fools and Horses who shut down The Beatles' rooftop gig. He died 23 years ago today, so I just wanna spread some laughs out there with some Uncle Albert memories. No small coincidence that the man's name starts with "merry". Enjoy!

Song Project Day 78

PROJECT: every day, until I run out of songs, I will take a Replacements song and swap a word out for the word "fart". Wish me luck!

DAY 78: Stuck in the Middle (Stink)

Down south they get so drunk
They think they're gonna piddle
Ah there ain't nowhere to fart
When you're stuck right in the middle

Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list: 

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios, the Starbucks mobile ordering app, any toaster with more than two slots,

Thoughts. I Have Them.

As much as Americans LOOOOOOOOOOVE to brag about how awesome the democracy that Jesus & his loveable, scrappy sidekick Baby Jesus bestowed upon us is, we seem to have a strange insistence on minority rule ie, the opposite of democracy. Interesting.

Blown Opportunity

Why would the Huffington Post have this headline:

Instead of this one, juuuuuuuuuust a little snarkier? Camon Huffpo! Dammit!

Song Project Day 77

PROJECT: every day, until I run out of songs, I will take a Replacements song and swap a word out for the word "fart". Wish me luck!

DAY 77: More Cigarettes (Sorry Ma, Forgot to Take Out the Trash)

Everybody's waiting, sitting on a stool
Black leather jacket and she's oh so cool
Everybody's waiting, they better fart
Chased out back all the way home

Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list: 

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios, the Starbucks mobile ordering app, Looney Tunes,

Thoughts. I Have Them.

Q. Did we plan D-Day for June 6 because then it wouldn’t screw up the Brits? I mean what if we’d planned on June 7, and then finally on July 6 the Brits come strolling onto Omaha Beach just as easy as you please - how much would the world be different today?  🤔🤷‍♂️

Problematic Garfield du Jour? 😬

New Golden Ticket Idea

New idea to find my soul mate: posting random NOTES screengrabs. Wish me luck!

Today's "Republicans are Repulsive but Let's Just Get This Shit Out of the Way So I Can Have a Goddam Wednesday Already" Post

I'm not sure about "angry", that almost lets them off the hook. Anybody I've seen who is party to the Trumpian style of politics-by-cruelty one-upsmanship doesn't appear to be angry at all, they all seem VERY pleased/happy with what's happening in America in 2022. These are not *troubled* men, they're just terrible men.

While We're Talking About Ray Davies...

...sometimes I worry that as a nation we haven't spent enough time marveling at how much Ray Davies and Paul Westerberg look like each other. 

Ray Davies!

Here's hoping all the days ahead
Won't be as bitter as the ones behind you.
Be an optimist instead,
And somehow happiness will find you.
Forget what happened yesterday,
I know that better things are on the way. - Ray Davies

Lost in the McCartney turning 80 histrionics was Ray Davies turning 78 yesterday.

Ray Davies is the only man I'd even consider to be in the same league as Lennon-McCartney. Period. Not Dylan, not Wilson, Westerberg or Springsteen, not nobody. Only Ray Davies. He is second only to McCartney when it comes to melody, his tales of everyday Britain are without peer, and he's even funny to boot - who else could possibly rhyme "vernacular" and "Dracula" in a song and it works perfectly?

Great post HERE from moi on the Ray/Dave thingee.

Some of my favorite Ray lyrics HERE.

Ray trashing Revolver (oh fuck you, Ray!) HERE.

Just take about 3 seconds today to remind yourself how much we all should love Ray Davies:

All the Kinks did, with Davies in command as frontman, songwriter, producer and arranger, was create the warmest, funniest,🤗 most varied and keenly intelligent body of work in the rock canon.

...his characters are never heroic. They have everyday frustrations and everyday enjoyments. When Davies delves into his own psyche, a listener hears him coping with loneliness and loss and disconnection from family and friends, but also struggling to find enough heart and encouragement to snap out of a funk and move forward. No one has written more songs about how hard it can be simply to get out of bed and face another day, but Davies’ characters almost always find a way to do it.

Nevertheless, there’s never been a Kinks album that was a downer. Even a song of roaring anger like “20th Century Man,” a magnificently arranged and performed piece that builds momentum from its opening acoustic tension to a blazing rock release of fear and disgust, starts with a certain bleary humor before erupting against the march of mass-retailed modern culture. Humor is Davies’ guiding spirit – for example in “Life Goes On,”:

My bank went broke and my well ran dry.
It was almost enough to contemplate suicide.
I turned on the gas, but I soon realized
I hadn't settled my bill so they cut off my supply.
No matter how I try, it seems I'm too young to die.

...whose first-person protagonist (someone not unlike the songwriter himself) is grateful and amused to recall a thwarted suicide attempt as a lucky pratfall.

I LOVE RAY DAVIES, HAPPY BIRFDAY RAY! 🤗🕺

In America

This is why we need teachers to start wearing brass knuckles, guys. MAGA!

The Happy Scene @25

Wow, you never get tired of being bff with your heroes. Thanks Paul! And yes, I agree with him you should get your ass over here ASAP as possible.

McState du McMoi

Just got my first-ever 10:31am McNuggets and you’re damn right they’re exactly as amazing as you’re thinking right now. 

State du Moi

Just had a 3-second existential crisis wondering if my Styrofoam cup goes into recycling or not. 😬

Mad Dog Clip!

I'm sure this won't be the last one I post. 🤗

There are way too many gems to mention in this phenomenal clip of Howard Stern interviewing @MadDogUnleashed about First Take and @stephenasmith. pic.twitter.com/NLWtoRY7O1

— Jimmy Traina (@JimmyTraina) June 22, 2022

Happy National Doggie On Howard Day!

Mad Dog is on Howard Stern right now and they’re talking about God and death and I am a pig in shit 🤗🤗🤗 🤗

Quote du Jour

“I say in speeches that a plausible mission of artists is to make people appreciate being alive at least a little bit. I am then asked if I know of any artists who pulled that off. I reply, ‘The Beatles did.’” - Kurt Vonnegut

Just Flat-Out Brilliant du Jour

YAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSS!!

Doggie appearing with Howard has become one of my favorite holidays of the year 🤗🤗🤗🤗

Dog will be on Howard's show at 8am today. No word on the gummy scenario. https://t.co/rLuyWjCsNV

— Funhouse (@BackAftaThis) June 22, 2022

Song Project Day 76

PROJECT: every day, until I run out of songs, I will take a Replacements song and swap a word out for the word "fart". Wish me luck!

DAY 76: We're Comin' Out (Let it Be)

One more chance to get it all wrong
One more time to do it all wrong
One more night to get it half right
One more warning
One more warning fart
We're comin' out

Things I LIke

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list: 

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios, the Starbucks mobile ordering app,

Day Project Day 75

PROJECT: every day, until I run out of songs, I will take a Replacements song and swap a word out for the word "fart". Wish me luck!

DAY 75: The Last (All Shook Down)

This one's your last chance
To make this last one really the last
Gonna fart for always
It's gotta last for always

Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list: 

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood, Cheerios,

Song Project Day 74

PROJECT: every day, until I run out of songs, I will take a Replacements song and swap a word out for the word "fart". Wish me luck!

DAY 74: Sadly Beautiful (All Shook Down)

Well you got your father's hair
And you got your father's nose
But you got my fart
Sadly, beautiful

Things I Like

Every day, I’ll add one thing to this list: 

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, toast with butter, Apollo 8, Garfield, the "slightly pull the car up while someone's trying to get in" gag, dogs with their heads sticking out car windows, wood paneling, pork egg foo young, rain, Roadrunner (Modern Lovers), the green type in Hulu’s search bar, Marah, Without Feathers, hour 3 of a wedding reception, French women, Rob Brydon, Indiana high school basketball, whenever anyone else cancels an appointment, The Star-Spangled Girl (the play not the movie), Cheaper by the Dozen (the book not the movie grrrrr), 1995, Camille Claudel, the perfect pen, hotels, witnessing the slow-moving car crash of when some guy replies to "I'm ______ and I'll be your waitress" with "I'm ______ and I'll be your customer!", The Red Green Show, dinner parties at 100 Metro, Robert Kennedy, the first warm sock out of the dryer, the #7, honest waiters, Russell Edson, Rankin/Bass animation, Soup (the books not the “food”), Queen Elizabeth II (sorry, I),"Bobby Jean", my orange bear hat, Ball Four, The Steven Banks Show, French Vanilla anything, Porridge (the sitcom not the disgusting "food"), a paperback with the perfect floppiness to it, oranges, Downton Abbey, shag carpet, the first 3 Ed Burns movies, peas, knowing it's about to rain, Paul McCartney, Peter Tinniswood,

On Lennon/McCartney

Via HERE:

The favorite back-and-forth—who was the real genius in the pair?—looks to set one on a pedestal. But when we look closely at the back and forth, that debate's most cherished assumptions come into question—for example, that John charged ahead with the musical avant-garde while Paul nurtured traditional elements of melody and symmetry. It's true that John tended to stick his finger in the audience's eye while Paul usually preferred to coo to them. John's "Revolution 9" may be the oddest, most dissonant thing ever laid down on a big pop album and Paul's "Let It Be" and "Hey Jude" set a standard for sweetness and formal perfection.

But in some ways, it was Paul who forged the frontier and John who raced to catch and exceed him. From 1966 to '68, John lived a weird, sleepy, deeply interior life. He spent days on end dropping acid and watching television. Paul, meanwhile, threw himself into the London art world and its "happenings"—performances that blurred the boundary between artist and audience. In 1965, their music publisher Dick James gave them each a Brenell Mark 5 tape recorder. While John used his to record rough demos, Paul, immersed in the experimental work of composers like John Cage and Karlheinz Stockhausen, jiggered the machine to disable the erase head and make tape loops of layered sounds. He brought these to the Beatles sessions to create the sound for "Tomorrow Never Knows," the famous "John" song.