XMASTIME: Slice Slice Baby

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Monday, January 23, 2023

Slice Slice Baby

I'm sure I wasn't the only person lamenting the ghosting of the average-to-great NYC slice (albeit 2 years after I left, I guess), I was only the sexiest:

When I moved there in 1998 the only dollar slice place I knew was The Charleston (before they renovated and took out all the fucking charm.) And you could get an entire pizza (even after 14+ years in Brooklyn I can't pull off saying "pies") for just $7. It wasn't world class pizza, but it was very good and had a unique flavor and texture to it. IE, it had a shit-ton of cheese on it. Right after I moved there the fancy-pizza Anna Maria's moved in and everybody went (still, I think) crazy for their barely stopping from buckling under the weight of its 14 toppings slices, but I always preferred the simplicity of the Charleston dollar slice.

This guy has spent the 9 years since I wrote that to report back on 464 slices he's eaten/logged (heh heh heh), to wit:

How much does a slice have to cost for you to consider it outrageous?
If I go to a random pizza spot in Queens and I’m like, “How much is a plain slice?” and they’re like $3.50 or $3.75, I’m gonna look at it and be like, “Really, bro?” But if it looks good, I’ll still buy it. I don’t know, I don’t know what it’s like to run a business in the city. If I walk in a place now and it’s a plain slice and it’s $4.50—whereas last year, I would kind of be obligated to buy it—I’m definitely walking out the door unless it’s an amazing-looking slice.
What would you say is your ideal slice of pizza?
No more than $3, with a good amount of sauce and really good cheese. And really good crust. A lot of places don’t have enough sauce on their slices. And it has to be fresh. Ideally it came out of the oven like 13½ minutes ago.

Meanwhile this is by far the quote of the year:

Instagram sucks. This has been a dream of mine, to lambaste Instagram in the press.

Yaasssss!!

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “speaking of your favorite pizza parlor The Charleston, didn't your band used to rock the balls off the place back in 2003?"

Sigh. Yes I did, faithful readers, YES I did.

LONG LIVE THE NY SLICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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