Xmastime 15 Years Ago Today: Genius. Utter, Utter Genius.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Mercy

I almost sprained my neck walking around last night; there are way too many smoking hot chicks in my neighborhood, and with each one I of course spin my head around after she’s passed to get a shot of them flanks a’ quakin. I am only a man, people. But one girl busted me, turning around to catch me leering at her and gave me a none-too-pleased look. Shamed mightily I continued on, but the oncoming rush of hot chicks was too much. Luckily I quickly came up with a brainstorm of genius…now that I have glasses, I can actually see these women from yards away, unlike the old days where I hafta wait til they’re right in front of me and then bionic-squint in their faces, scaring them before quickly spinning around to get my ass-shot in. Very subtle. Now, I can see them from farther away, I can take a minute to soak in their face and body from the front. "MMmmm, very nice" I might say to myself. THEN. When she’s a bit in front of you still, THEN spin your head around, act as if you’re looking at something behind you. Then she walks by, and even if she turns back around and sees you staring, she thinks you’re looking at something else, since you had your head turned when she passed. TA-DA!! Now you’re free to soak in her backdoor delights. You’re welcome!!

Of course, as I’m typing this I don’t know what I really expect to do once I lock in on her rear beef, it’s not like I’m gonna fall to the sidewalk, whip my dick out and start “directing traffic”, know what I mean? And it’s not like I’m gonna commit her to memory, cause they’ll be another one in about 30 seconds anyways. But hey…we can always commit ourselves to learn more and strive for greatness, can’t we?