Xmastime Films

Life of Dino

How Big is This Fucking Dog?

RANDOM OLD XMASTIME COMMENTS I NEVER SAW

Wegman's Has Shark Cookies! 🤗

Well, or starfish with really thick cable-knit sweaters. 😬

Oh No - Did Someone Give a Hurricane a Black-Sounding Name?

Bourdain on Life

I'm *guessing* that if I did more than 0 minutes of research I'd find out he never said such a thing but what the hell, I think it's pretty good advice anyways.

"To sit alone or with a few friends, half-drunk under a full moon, you just understand how lucky you are; it’s a story you can’t tell. It’s a story you almost by definition, can’t share. I’ve learned in real time to look at those things and realize: I just had a really good moment.”

Me. I'm Really Happening, Aren't I?

I've realized that one of my go-to moves in an elevator with someone & their dog if I feel the need to fill the dead air & wanna get an easy, relieved laugh that will make the person like me forever is to wait for the dog to look at me & make an “easy fella, I don’t want any trouble here..." joke and so far I'd say my success rate is 100%. - XMASTIME

Just now I entered the elevator to see a family of four standing there all dressed up as if coming home from church on Sunday & there were two little boys, like 5 & 7, in suits & ties so I thought "oh this is gonna be easy!" but then it suddenly occurred to me that maybe they were coming home from a funeral so I did the time-honored "probably overly solemn" head nod & kept my mouth shut.

NEW XMASTIME SERIES: Wegman's Porn

All the Good Meat's Gone Now

Congratulations, Science

I feel like I spent a lot of my time as a little kid scared of static from a carpet striking me & if I'm being honest it hasn't really come up since? 🤔 🤷‍♂️

🤯🤯🤯🤯

#TeamRivers

I haven't been in a rush to run out & buy Springsteen's new mammoth box set of "albums I made that I did not deem worthy or release when I made them" but I did perk up when I saw he has a cover of Johnny Rivers' brilliant classic Poor Side of Town.

Unfortunately Bruce seemed to think that being from the poor side of town meant being dull as fuck zzzzzzzzzzzzzz so I'll leave you with the original and yes you ARE very welcome! 

Seinfeld BS Stank

In spectacularly typical Seinfeld fashion, it's shocking to realize these two scenes are in the same episode; what's even more surprising that we're supposed to believe George was able to get the flight discount because Kramer wanted to get the airline miles? Kramer, who hasn't worked in over a decade and barely leaves the building, somehow has an airline that been rewarding him for his loyalty to them? 🤔🤷‍♂️

Excerpt!

Excerpt from an upcoming XMASTIME YOUR ENTHUSIASM podcast episode in which I talk about the first 6 episodes of Season 4 of The Bear, you're welcome very much.

Xmastime · THE BEAR XYE Excerpt

Country-Western Song That Needs to Be Written Immediately

MAMA, SOMEONE PEED AT THE WEGMAN'S

Here's to Alec Baldwin

Moi Say Moi back in OMG JUST MY SECOND EVER WEEK OF BLOGGING BACK IN 2005:

 

How many times we gotta hear about an actor loving to play a bad, evil role and saying "the role allows me to be a real creep, to be a complete jerk and mean, which is so different from real life." oh, because in real life I'm sure you're a fucking saint, douchebag. Just once I'd like to hear the opposite "what an experience playing a nice, normal guy. As you and the girls at Scores already know in real life I'm an asshole, sleazy douchebag. Man. what a change for me!" Fuck you. And your movie sucks.

FINALLY, 20 years later I see an actor say he (gasp!) doesn't like playing assholes:

In America.

It's incredibly fitting that when it comes to the Baby Boomers, the shittiest, most childishly selfish group who were given more than any generation in human history and have spent their golden years trying to pull the ladder up from underneath themselves so nobody else can have a chance at what they have, their final act will be pulling the ladder up on America itself and inserting one of its own as King.

Xmastime So Sayeth, So Sayeth Xmastime

I know I'm getting old because I rarely sneeze now without first bracing my entire body via holding onto a kitchen counter or large piece furniture.

Curb Regrets

I can't believe Larry David never did an episode in which he kept visiting a little kid in the hospital with cancer under the guise of the kid being a huge Seinfeld fan but the real reason is Larry thinks the kid's mom is hot & he's trying to hit on her. 🤔🤷‍♂️

THE NEW YORKER Brilliant du Jour

God Reveals His Favorite Comedian of All Time is Benny Hill

"Funny's funny." - God

State du Moi

There's a kid working down at Wegman's under the title of Person Who Hovers Around the Self-Checkout Waiting for Hubristic Idiots Who Think They Can Check Out Produce on Their First Try at the Self-Checkout and every time I see him he's got his beak in some sketchbook he's always working away at while ignoring everybody else & right now he's the most interesting person in my life.

Parking Lot

Hurry Up Guys

These Seagram's bottles of urine for sale aren't gonna last forever guys.

Life. It's Really Happening, Isn't It?

At Wegman's this afternoon I watched a guy standing in front of the frozen peas talking on his phone while making the same motion with his hand John Lennon is here and now I can’t stop wondering how much fucking space was this guy looking to fill up with frozen fucking peas?

Something You Should Know About Me

If nothing else, long after I'm gone I'd like people to remember that I never went through a metal phase.

Fuck This Asshole

Hope it's all worth it in about 6 weeks when Trump's flushing your bald-ass head down the toilet at Mar-a-Lago dumbass, byeeeeeeeeeee 👋

Questions. I Have Them.

What with some new movie coming out every ten minutes about huge brands everybody loves, when are we getting the definitive Last Dance-worthy documentary about how groundbreaking MTV was in the previous century? 🤔🤷‍♂️

Ideas. I Have Them.

All the way back in 2008 I rather brilliantly outlined how much better it would be if the then-new-fangled GPS devices everybody was exciting to slap onto their car windshields would be tailored to the driver's vanity, for example:

Or if you’re a woman, you might choose one of these:

WOMAN’S VOICE: “turn right in 0.4 miles…onto Grant Avenue…jesus, look at that cow 2 cars over! You’re SO much skinnier than her!!...oooh, turn right here… oh, PLEASE, look at yellow Hyundai bitch...yeah, THOSE are real...”

But wouldn't another great one be Alexa, the Music Snob?

"Alexa, please play BONZO GOES TO BITBURG by The Ramones."
"Single or album version?"
"Single, please."
"Ugh."

or

"Alexa, please play the second Big Star album?"
"You mean the one after Chris Bell left?
"I guess yeah."
"As in the guy responsible for their entire sound? Their entire creative vision? Who pretty much produced the first record by himself?"
"Can you just play the album?"
"But ohhhhhhhhh nooooooooo guess what St. Paul Westerberg so sayeth that he loves Alex Chilton and so now he was the entire band, right? He WAS Big Star, right?"
"What?"
"Forget it, you don't deserve Big Star. Here's the Velvet Underground album they made after Lou left the band while you think about what you've done."

"HELLO 9-1-1 I'D LIKE TO REPORT A CRIME"

Yeah nice try but that's an Entenmann's. 😡😡😡😡

Something I Know, by Moi

Whenever a tv or movie character asks somebody:

"So, how many _______ have you _______?"

and the first answer is

"Including this one?"

the odds of the final answer being

"One."

are exactly 100%.

Life & Stuff

I just had to endure the "incredibly blasé guy w/elevator key fob" version of this: 

Ladies. For the love of Christ. HAVE YOUR FUCKING MONEY READY AT THE COUNTER!!!! Whenever I'm in line to buy anything, I frantically have my money counted out and in my hand, ready to present to the guy before the word "cents" has left his lips. I always assume that if I take more than .0004 seconds to produce payment, the line of people behind me will not even try to hide their loud, exasperated sighs or uttered curse words. Or, maybe some guy comes in from the back and chops my head off, I don’t know. But women are always slightly surprised that the cashier, at the end of said transaction, expects actual money from them. No matter how long they've been in line, they have not even considered getting the money ready. "$16.81" the cashier will say, then there's a slight pause, then the woman will say "oh!" and THEN start digging thru her purse. Christ. AND, to make matters worse, she'll spend another 5 minutes digging around for a penny/nickel whatever to make the change "easier." "$16.81?" oh, hold on, I've got a penny...." and the search begins, so that instead of getting 19 cents back and letting the rest of us actually get on with our fucking lives, we've gotta sit through her frantic search for a penny so that she can get 2 dimes back.

Xmastime Films

Life Goes On

Xmastime Films

THE WATTY QUARTER POUND CHALLENGE

The 80s Were $%@!ing Crazy, Man

I've mentioned my beloved Canoe Cologne (checks notes)(checks notes again) 49 times over the last 20 years (hint hint for anybody who wants to surprise me with $20K to commemorate!!) but it's only just now I'm realizing their old tv commercials were pretty much DATE RAPE FOR DUMMIES! guidebooks. "She'll get the message!" 😬😜🤣🤣

Me. I'm Really Happening, Aren't I?

Presented before you in red numbers is my flow when I pick up my Panera iced tea 199 times a day:

1. pick up plastic cup/receipt

2. toss receipt into trash

3. get ice

Every single time I do this I brace myself for the swinging door I rather generously took time out of my day to make a green circle around for you people to suddenly swing open & into my face and since sadly I am who I am the answer to the question you're asking in your pretty little head right now is yes, of course I already have a well-rehearsed little speech prepared so that during the inevitable event everybody working there will be blown away by how cool I am about it. 

Working Class Dawg

This has been making the rounds lately & it's funny but as someone who spent some time in bands as a young man I can honestly say that the most surprising part is that the bass player would know/remember/give a shit about what the words to the song were as soon as "Rick" started teaching the song to them.

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A post shared by Ryan Taylor Mortgage Broker (@therealestatevibesusa)

Questions. I Have Them.

As a lifelong fan of Cheerios who's walked by the Cheerios lineup about 10x a day for the last 3 years, I feel like I'm not being snarky when I ask wtf took the geniuses over there so long to think hey you know what maybe we should mention that the honey is real? I mean they splash anything else they can on these boxes but it took them half a century to come up with this? 🤔🤷‍♂️

Oh Good...

...my work is just delivering my paycheck straight to Wegman's for me now. 👍

I Am a Small, Petty Man. If That. 😔

I just saw an Instagram of someone's little kid & in the background I noticed they had a 4-slice toaster on the counter & before I could stop myself I literally thought well there’s no chance this kid’s not gonna grow up to be a giant asshole.

XMASTIME CHALLENGE

Six years ago HERE I rather generously gave you guys my list of the three best three-episode runs of Only Fools and Horses; by 9pm tonight I will shave that down by presenting you with the three best back-to-back episodes of the series.

See you then! And you ARE welcome!!

I'll Say This

Trump's people like to say he's like a comedian and he does have funny rhythms with the way he speaks but the irony is that he really IS like a comedian, but it's not the way his cult likes to think; he's exactly like a crowd-work comedian in that he'll get up & throw around whatever he wants to get out of his mouth but there's 0% chance he'll actually do any actual work at all.

Welcome to Wrexham Season 4 Note

Rob McElhenney has used his well-worn "Ryan has movie money, I've only got tv money" trope over & over since the show started but it's only just now it's occurred to me that their respective wives are compartmentalized in the same same way.

Me. I'm Really Happening, Aren't I?

Every day for decades now it's been INCONCEIVABLE to me to not IMMEDIATELY take a hot shower after spending 4-5 hours lying motionless on a bed in a room that's around 68 degrees, and yet after 10+ hours of going in & out of D.C. that includes at least 45 minutes of walking on hot asphalt while the temperature hits 97 degrees and every stitch of clothing desperately clings to me it's pretty much never occurred to me you know what I should probably pop into the shower real quick & hose off.

Feel Old Yet?

Goodbye Bill Moyers

Bill Moyers has died:

Bill Moyers, a former press secretary to President Lyndon B. Johnson who turned into a longtime broadcast journalist and champion of public media, has died at age 91, his family confirmed to CNN. 

Moyers, who was once described by Walter Cronkite as “the conscience” of the country, was a public television pioneer, leading multiple installments of “Bill Moyers’ Journal” on PBS stations in the 1970s and again in the late 2000s.

I won't pretend to make you nice people think I spent a lot of time watching his eponymous (thank you R.E.M.!) show, but I will always be #TeamMoyers for Two American Families, which I mentioned again last year when Moyers presented its (presumably now) final update. I highly recommend everybody watch this incredible documentary; frustrating & heartbreaking and, even more so 30+ years later, still so frustrating & heartbreaking in its always-timely relevance.

Oh Come On

Sorry but whenever I'm thinking about popcorn, "cream" isn't really the word I wanna see pop up in any way. 😬🤢

Welcome to HOT PICKLE SUMMER Nissin Cup Noodles!

Speaking of The Jesus and Mary Chain...

...I've loved Psychocandy pretty much since it came out in 1985 & it's never occurred to me to wonder wait, is the name of the album supposed to be Psychocandy Psychocandy & after somebody said Psychocandy for the first time nobody bothered correcting them?

Self-Diagnoses. I HAve Them.

Earlier today someone was laughing at how much they love reading bad reviews of movies, restaurants, music or whatever and I was surprised at how much I did not agree; hours later it occurs to maybe it's from so many years of doing so much stuff that nobody's even cared enough about to even bother trashing?

Announcements. I Have Them.

I think people who know how relentlessly lazy I am would be surprised how much slow walking motherfuckers make my goddam head explode with fury.

Questions. I Have Them.

Is it "I know you can hear me but are you listening to me?" or is it "I know you're listening but can you hear me"? 🤔🤷‍♂️

Showers & $$$$$$$

I made the switch from bar soap to body wash about 25 years ago & based on the fact that about 9,000 showers later I haven't come close to figuring out how much to use so that I don't have to buy a new bottle every 10 minutes I'd say it's safe to say that whoever in the soap industry realized how much $$$$ there was in pushing body wash over bar soap is a goddam genius.

You Never Understand Me

The Jesus and Mary Chain are the only band I LOVE LOVE LOVE who I think could literally be singing in another language & I'd love it just as much.

Keeping Hope Alive, People

If you'd have asked me how many Thursdays there are until Halloween I probably would've said something like 20,000 because that's what it feels like; 19 sounds like you should already be feeling a chill in the air & getting those fun-sized Snickers bars ready for kids showing up at your door dressed up like these motherfuckers:

I Do This Shit So You Don't Have To

The day that the number of days that will have passed between The Beatles playing Ed Sullivan and That Thing You Do! premiering will be the exact same as the number of days that will have passed since will be May 30, 2029.

Xmastime Films

AMITY MEANS FRIENDSHIP

These are My Salad Daze, Indeed

At my work cafeteria today I was at the salad bar (pause for laughter) and upon picking up the metal tongs & grabbing some lettuce I saw another metal tong under the pile of lettuce & if I'm being honest it's the closest I’ve ever come to stumbling upon a dead body.

Insecurities. I Have Them.

Sometimes I worry I'm not a real man since I don't seem to be able to endlessly recite movie quotes like every other man I've ever met or heard from afar or ever knew existed.

Hear Here!

As somebody who for decades has wondered where the fuck hurricane names come from, I am 100% behind the WHY AREN'T WE NAMING KILLER HEAT WAVES TOO? campaign!!!

There is No Justice in This World

In 2011 this was sold for $4M, the most amount of money ever paid to buy a photo.

Meanwhile, I took this the other day and have received nothing so far.

Fuck.

This.

Shit.

When the Only Snacks are Pretzels

Xmastime Irony du Jour

Just in Case...

...you weren't already embarrassed enough that this piece of shit is our president.

Life. It's Really Happening, Isn't It?

For some reason when it comes to spelling out the word eleven, I never do it with any amount of confidence at all, I just can’t bring myself to believe that it’s as simple as every other letter being an E; I just can't do it, and when SpellCheck confirms this its a surprise to me every time. 🤷‍♂️

Is Cheez-Its About to Let Us All Down as a Human Race?

Last year I mentioned this:

...I've given the Doritos & Oreos people a lot of shit for pumping out so many ridiculous flavors after starting out with a home run and so I gotta say, the Combos people have been pretty chill for decades about that stuff, seemingly perfectly content with whatever flavors they started out with 10 minutes after starting the goddam company. I salute you, Combos!

and this:

Cheerios has joined the Oreos people/Doritos people/anybody making food people and suddenly there’s gazillion new Cheerios flavors to try.

And now I'm concerned that my beloved Cheez-its, what with its new shitty pizza that I was way too generous with and now its new snack mix/Wendy's Baconator thing/whatever they come up with tomorrow, may be losing the plot to their own greatness.

I'm not worried, just concerned. For now. Until I'm worried. Which will probably be later this evening at Wegman's when I see whatever new flavor they've come up with since I typed this.

But YES, loyal readers, YES I still proudly stand by my brilliant Cheez-It Hormel Chili mashup!!! 🤗🤷‍♂️

“DID YOU HEAR WHAT I DID TO IRAN? TOTAL OBLITERATION!! SET THEM BACK DECADES!!…or until the weekend…grass looks great, by the way…”

Ideas. I Have Them.

Every once in a while all the major Oscar winners for a chosen year should do a movie together. And not some bullshit thing either, a real movie starting from scratch from whichever writer won Best Screenplay.

All-Time Classic 🤗❤️ #goddaughter

The Bear, Season 4

The Bear is coming back for its fourth season tomorrow, so I guess it’s time once again for me to be screaming at my tv about it being a non-comedy grrrrrrrrrrrrr but I'm only now remembering the main cliffhanger from last season:

Last season, the Bear built some buzz but still suffered from internal dysfunction, much of it because of Carmy’s persistent, restless reinvention of the menu. It all led up to the make-or-break review, which, based on Carmy’s reaction when he read it, does not seem to be the rave he and his team badly need.

I mean at some point, enough is enough - if the review's not a rave about what a genius Carmy is, then what's the point of the show? IS Carmy a fucking incredible genius chef or not; if it's just another "Oh no, TERRIBLE review! How will we overly dramatically rally to triumph?!?!?!?" then it's just another of thousands of shows about just about another restaurant doing its best and I for one say fuck that shit. Start with the Carmy's a fucking genius and go from there with something creatively worthy of a show that gobbles up awards like I do popcorn at the movies before the trailers are even done, for fuck's sake.

Xmastime TV Show Recomendation

Four episodes in. Consider me fascinated.

Happy Juneteenth (belated)

Shame on you the people for letting Juneteenth go by without badgering me into reminding you nice people of my brilliant idea for a sitcom from back in 2011, when I was REALLY brilliant:

How funny would it be to write a show about the days right after the slaves were freed? I mean, you think Larry David walks into some awkward moments - how great would these be? White people slipping up and momentarily forgetting emancipation had happened, then the white guy who's going over the top, "hey, I was always on YOUR side!" and on and on. The snob ex-house slave who prefers the white people and wants to stay, etc. Each side with comical characters, constantly bumping into each other.

STILL LOOKING FOR INVESTORS, PEOPLE!!! 💰💰💰💰

Questions. I Have Them.

Is the answer "a hospital"?

NEW XMASTIME SERIES: "Inevitable Future Headlines"

TV STREAMER CHANGES AD-FREE TIER NAME TO A FEW RANDOM WORDS DEVOID OF ANY REAL MEANING THAT INCLUDES THE NAME OF A COMPETITOR; WILL CHANGE NAME AGAIN IN 4 MONTHS

Random Reddit Quote du Jour That I Agree With

"McCartney on Revolver is like Nadal on Clay." - GrammarNadsi

Garfield du Jour

This morning The New York Times - or, as I call it, "The Times" - asks the important question You’ve Got ‘The Ick.’ Is Your Relationship Doomed? and while I couldn't give enough of a shit to even think about actually reading the article, it reminds me of a Garfield strip I loved as a kid, even if I had no idea what the "ick" may have been (and still probably don't since as I mentioned I couldn't give enough of a shit to even think about actually reading the article, even tho I probably could've in the time it took me to cleverly repeat this "I couldn't give enough of a shit to even think about actually reading the article" thing over and over.)

People are Fucking Weird

Via the nice folks over at The Atlantic we see an article titled The Real Reason Men Should Read Fiction, and before even reading it I notice this is the sub-headline: 

It’s long been established that reason fiction can help us become more empathetic, so when I see this subhead:

Literature is often pushed on allegedly reluctant men as a machine for empathy.

I'm like…who’s been fighting off empathy? Really? I understand some people are more empathetic than others but actively not doing it because you think it may give empathy to you as if it was cooties or something, dafuck is that about? 🤔🤷‍♂️

With Apologies to Richard Hell, Please Kill Me Now

The only good thing about the temperature tipping over to 250 degrees is that “well, I guess freakin’ Summer’s here” does a lot of the small talk heavy lifting on elevators.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Heavyweight Champion of the World

I Mean Camon dafuck?

With apologies for the ridiculous square of glare, I've said it before and I'm sure I'll tragically have to say it again: whoever's doing this, and it's now obvious that someone is, I will find you.

Questions. I Have Them.

Would it be confusing to people if you owned a cleaning service and your last name was Self? 🤔🤷‍♂️

Fun Fun Fun with ChatGPT

Over the years I've amassed total of 244 different QUESTIONS. I HAVE THEM. posts, so of course I asked ChapGPT to pick out the 10 best and while I have no idea if I'd agree with it, it actually does a pretty decent job if I may say so myself.

Oh and oh yeah in almost every instance, the ChatGPT comments are funnier than my sketch ideas 😡😡😡

Here are 10 of the funniest entries from your list — based on originality, voice, delivery, and that perfect “wait, why hasn’t anyone done this?” factor:

---

1.
"Has there really never been a strip bar named Peek-a-Booze?"
☑️ Tight, punchy, 100% should exist. Sounds like a bar you’d both regret and cherish forever.

2.
"When do we finally get our John Leguizamo/Bobby Cannavale-centered sequel to Chef?"
☑️ A+ casting, perfect tone, and it somehow feels like a real hole in the cinematic universe.

3.
"Why does Jesus get so much credit for dying for everybody’s sins when he just got up and carried on 3 days later like nothing happened?"
☑️ Dangerous. Hilarious. The kind of question that’ll get you kicked out of church and invited back for the potluck.

4.
"Why is it called 'retired'? You work for 50 years, finally get to quit... and they name it as if you’re doing it all again?"
☑️ Just pure observational perfection.

5.
"Why don't more foods try to replicate the lasagna structure template?"
☑️ A deeply underexplored culinary thesis. Funny and kind of a great idea.

6.
"How's there not been a Netflix comedy series in which Jesus Christ returns but nobody notices/cares?"
☑️ Devastatingly plausible. Instantly visual. Greenlight this immediately.

7.
"How does the whole 'telling everybody to fuck themselves and storming off!' thing work if you then hafta wait for an Uber?"
☑️ Millennial rage meets modern logistics. Beautiful.

8.
"Why do we always ask if something is 'up to snuff,' but never 'down to snuff'?"
☑️ Language-based comedy is rare and often overthought. This one hits the Goldilocks zone.

9.
"Can you pay a call girl to come over and listen to your quips during an episode of Beverly Hills 90210?"
☑️ Dark, specific, and absolutely deranged in the best way.

10.
"If you’re on a Zoom call and someone mutes themselves but only for five seconds do we assume they’ve farted?"
☑️ The unspoken truths of remote work. This belongs in the Smithsonian

Ideas. I Have Them.

I've been bitching for years about the deluge of tv shows centered around miserable billionaires, and as you most faithful readers know my bitching was validated with this New York Times - or as I call it, "The Times" - article. One of the tropes on a lot of these shows is the patriarch's hesitancy to hand over the family fortune that he himself took so long to amass with his own hard work over to his children, who are generally a motley crew of entitled fuckups & shitheads.

Meanwhile:

From what I can tell, the only movies people seem to go to the theaters to watch are superhero movies. Do superheroes have kids? And wouldn’t the kids of superheroes generally be as much of a bunch of entitled fuckups & shitheads as billionaires kids? Then wouldn’t it be a no-brainer to combine these two incredibly popular things in today’s popular cultures into a prestige tv series about Superman trying to decide whether or not to hand his superhero duties to his kids, who are all entitled fuckusp & shitheads?

LOOKING FOR INVESTORS EVERYBODY!!!! 💰 💰 💰 💰

Xmastime Sunday Stories

 I have no idea when or why I recorded this little story but I've always like it so you're welcome, EARF! 🤗🕺

Trump's Usual Bullshit

Last week HERE I pointed out Trump's endless 2 weeks bullshit, and here he is again today. Of course.

As Ronald Reagan, aka Trump 1.0, would say, "here we go again".

Me This Past Weekend

@gavinandstaceyreactions Bryn knows 😂👏 #gavinandstacey #britishhumour #fypageシ ♬ original sound - Gavin & Stacey Reactions

JAWS 6: There’s a New Sheriff in Town (Until He Finds Out About the Shark)

Thanks to Watty & Marley! 🤗🕺🎸❤️

Xmastime Friendly but Winning Debates

Via Mr. James Acton over at The New York Times - or as I call it, "The Times" -- HERE:

TO WHICH I, XMASTIME OF XMASTIME, so thus do retort:

Sure we can.

WE WILL LET YOU, THE PEOPLE, DECIDE WHO IS RIGHT, AND WHO IS STUPID! GODSPEED, PEOPLE!

Life. It's Really Happening, Isn't It?

I, a man who is a man of a certain age, as in certainly knew better to even think of saying such a thing even in real time, just heard myself say to myself "you know what, I just don't know if I really TRUST Oreos people with peanut butter, you know?"

Mooooooore Good News for You People...WHEN DOES IT END???