150 Years Ago

The 13th Amendment hit everybody's Twitter feed, freeing the slaves. Seems like we should be making a bigger deal of this, n'est-pas?

My Official Super Bowl Prediction

Patriots 31
Seahawks 20
Pieces of Popeyes chicken inhaled: 7
Biscuits: 4
Fries: who knows

If This Doesn't Embarrass You...

...congratulations, you are un-embarrassable:

Colleen McCullough wrote 25 novels. Her The Thorn Birds sold 30 million copies worldwide for $1.9 million, then a record; a miniseries starring Richard Chamberlain and Barbara Stanwyck based on her work became one of the most watched in history, second at the time only to Roots.

But if you read her obituary in the Australian Photograph you will learn other, definitely more important facts about her before you ever get to this list of accomplishments. Because the second sentence of that obit reads: “Plain of feature, and certainly overweight, she was, nevertheless a woman of wit and warmth.”

Unbelievable.

It's Official: I'm a Racist.

Last year HERE I mentioned my addiction to Brand Eating. Hardly a day has passed since without my going down the rabbit hole of fast food porn. And when reading the reviews the voice I gave the guy was always slightly dull, probably suburban white dude who worked human resources somewhere. And in this photo, I saw a white hand:

But today my world was rocked by this review of Chick-fil-A, which featured this photo:

And of course the first thing I thought was "oh my God I've been doing his voice wrong, I gotta change the voice!!"

Sigh. 2015. (shaking head sadly.)

The Black Death... Why the H8n'?

Does The Black Death have the worst PR department in the world? Because according to this it's actually pretty fucking amazing:

1. The appalling death toll made the survivors of the Black Death ponder the individual’s worth. The questioning of faith in the face of the plague’s terrors led people to focus more on the present life with its wonders and beauty, rather than the promise of a next life. This led to an appreciation of the arts and physical sciences and a thirst for human-based knowledge. Human endeavor and accomplishments, rather than religion, took center stage in this humanist movement. 

Also, perfume, apparently.

The Clap

I pretty much haven’t stopped thinking of the Slow-Clap since I posted the one below a few hours ago. Has the “Slow Clap that nobody joins in on” replaced the “Unrequited high-five” as the ultimate embarrassing moment in a man’s life?

On my “Things to Do Before I Die” list, which right now consists entirely of two items:

1) Flip table over in middle of important meeting, yelling “oh, FUCK this!”
2) Get an explanation from Peter Engel at NBC re: not explaining how Kelly and Jesse disappeared, were replaced by Tori and then reappeared again

I would like to add

3) Start off the longest, slowest building Slow Clap. I mean, look at the one below – from first slow clap to full-on frantic clapping is what, 10 seconds? I’m talking about kicking one off and then sloooooooowly building up, taking about 45 minutes before hitting full-on clapping. Everyone slowly folding in, maybe one a minute. Would be amazing. All I ask in this world. - XMASTIMEhttp://xmastime.blogspot.com/2007/05/slow-clap.html

What's the best slow clap movie? I dunno, but Charles S. Dutton's solo performance in Rudy is certainly a masterpiece. Here's 10 great slow clap movies.

Rock Rock Rock Rock Rock 'n Roll High School

Some guy wrote about Rock 'n Roll High School yesterday. After Tommy died, I watched the movie for the first time in decades and was struck by two things:

1. Oh my God, they really do sound retarded. Like, they aspire to be retards.
2. Who took longer to show up onscreen in their own movie, The Ramones in Rock 'n Roll High School (almost 38 minutes in) or the shark in Jaws?

Rightfully so, the other guy had nicer things to say:

It’s a call for revolution not by scowling militants in uniforms, but by a goofy DJ convinced of the liberating, life-affirming powers of rock in its purest form. The movie’s famous Mad-style poster made this promise explicit with the tagline, “Will your school be next?” Though the film flopped at the time of its release, it was a big enough cult hit to spawn a little-loved sequel, 1991’s Rock ’N’ Roll High School Forever, which replaced the Ramones with Corey Feldman, then and sunk without a trace. It turns out that despite Screamin’ Steve’s words (and if you can’t trust a DJ named Screamin’ Steve, who can you trust?) the miracle of Rock ’N’ Roll High School wasn’t repeatable. That’s part of its magic. Like the Ramones, it was one of a kind, and retains its joyful power years later as a call to rebellion and rocking that includes just about everyone in its embrace.

A quick Google search let's you see tho whole movie (on Amtrak right now, can't embed.)

Thoughts. TJ Had Them.

Thomas Jefferson had some ideas about the differences between Southerners and Northerners.

I see he left out that both sets of people love to spend a lot of time bitching that nobody else knows how to drive in the rain.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

I always get a kick out of whenever I angrily say to myself "dammit, I gotta do laundry" as if I'm Ma Ingalls and hafta scrub them down at the creek with my bare hands instead of drop them into a machine and then try to remember an hour later it's there.

50 Years Ago Today

In what some say was the greatest high school basketball game of all time, Morgan Wooten's DeMatha squad beat the previously unbeatable Power Memorial team led by a Lew Alcindor:

Catlett: “I remember Morgan telling us before the game not to watch him in the warmups.”
Wootten: “They say he’s 7-1. I always say he’s 7-3. But to see him walk out with the rest of his teammates was just an electric thing. Everybody wanted to watch the warmups. Incredible warmups, with dunks and things like that.”

Course, DeMatha wasn't exactly the Washington Generals:

DeMatha played only five players that night, and the Stags’ starting five all eventually played major college basketball. Three went on to play professionally. 

 Here's some footage, enjoy!

Peanuts + The Smiths

I've never really listened to The Smiths, but these Peanuts strips with Smiths lyrics is pretty awesome. More HERE.

Wait, What?

Bye Sully, Cont.

Alyssa Rosenberg on the state of blogging:

Bloggers these days have to speak to our loyal readers, and there are many of you who have been kind enough to come with me from outlet to outlet. But when we become part of larger outlets, that means we can’t speak to you alone anymore. Sullivan had an enormous reach, but the Dish still felt like it was very much written for a specific group of readers who were a known quantity. That’s a quality I think might be passing from the scene, and the conversation will be different for it.

My bold.

Much of her article is what's really going 'round today, that today marks "the death of the blog." I find that hard to believe - as long as there are computers with internet connections, there will be somebody trying to tell somebody something, to express themselves. The days of sneering at a "blogger" as some pathetic nobody brushing Cheetos dust off his tighty-whities in his parents' basement are over, and Sullivan had a lot to do with that.

Tho I do still believe the name itself is still a problem:

Blogs will never be taken seriously until they're called something else. It's tough to say the word "blog" without throwing up in my mouth a little bit. Which is ironic, cause people saying that something makes them "throw up in my mouth a bit" usually makes me wanna blog about how I sliced their head off and left it in my freezer. "Blog" in and of itself is a goofy word, and blogging as a viable way of communication/entertainment will not be taken seriously until we come up with something else.

Love That Chicken from Popeye's

Finally, a reason to not hate David Vitter - he's responsible for someone finding out exactly what $1000 of Popeye's looks like. Thanks, shithead!

P&P, Yeah You Know Me

I started Pride and Prejudice this morning on the train, and am bored beyond all senses. Bunch of women standing around yammering about getting married, all under a blizzard of overwritten haughtiness. I would actually rather read a book from the father's point of view, presumably titled I Wish These Bitches Would Shut the Fuck Up for Two Seconds. - XMASTIME

For some reason here's Pride and Prejudice in two charts. Enjoy.

So Long, Sully

I never thought I'd ever have a post that Andrew Sullivan is quitting blogging. He's been doing it for 15 years; Xmastime has been around for almost 10. There's never been a day writing my own blog that I didn't check in on his about 50 times. To me at least, he wasn't just the Elvis of blogging but Elvis and The Beatles together. Somehow he made you feel like you knew him; I'm embarrassed to admit how emotional his quitting made me upon reading it the first time. Our blogs are nothing alike - mine is silly and says "tittays" way too often - but mine exists because of his. I look forward to whatever he writes in the future, but will always miss the  daily  hourly swings of passion read throughout his writing. He is a pioneer. I suppose even pioneers have to stop eventually.

So long, buddy.

Over the years, I've been lucky enough to have him post some of my stuff:

My Sully parody

Me vs. Palin!

Me vs Trump!

Occupy Sesame Street 

The Royal Wedding!

2014 State of the Union

And my first time Sullied, starring Sarah Palin of course.

An Absolute Stunner

Andrew Sullivan is quitting blogging.

If You Still Need Proof There is No God...

...here it is. Amazing.

Mind Blown

As of Sunday, there was a guy still alive whose father fought in the Civil War. Wtf.

John Tyler-esque, if I may.

Some news this mornin' from Choctaw Ridge

Interesting look into the strange classic Ode to Billie Joy, the song that knocked All You Need is Love off the charts during the Summer of Love. From HERE.
 


Here she is on the Tallahatchie Bridge. Not bad.