Happy Birfday

To the immortal Johnny Rotten :)

The Hat Trick

I watched the first season of Fresh Meat and loved it, meaning Joe Thomas has been in three different BBC shows I've found and loved over the past year, including all-time slice The Inbetweeners and the short-lived but brilliant Chickens.

Congratulations, Joe!

Xmastime TV Review

Louis CK's surprise, didn't tell nobody show is Horace and Pete, available on his website for just $5 AND IS FUCKING AMAZING!!!

Tremendous look/feel like a play from the 70s, feels like it belongs in some old classic American Playhouse production. Unbelievable. And is part of the canon of tv bars I wish I could go to in real life, like Cheers or the Lobo Lounge or the Nags Head.

Wasted Life

The natural heir to Chuck Berry was Johnny Thunders, who of course made sure to kill himself with dope before he was 40.

Besides the New York Dolls and the Heartbreakers, of course the greatest song he ever gave us was so prophetic.

He's definitely rock and roll's greatest "what if?"

Surprising Anonymity

I feel like it's weird that I've never heard of Kenny Sailors, who is credited with pioneering the jump shot; something as ubiquitous at one time in my life, and certainly globally, that it's like this guy:

2) I saw some issue of Rolling Stone the other day that had an article about the guy who invented the World Wide Web. I had no idea what his name was.  How is it possible that here we have the World Wide Web, arguably the single biggest innovation of the last 50 years or more, and I have no idea who the inventor is but I have the name "Eli Whitney" branded on my fucking brain? I can't scratch my balls without hearing the name Robert Fulton, yet for all I know the dude who invented the World Wide Web could be in my "Where are all the Fuckpigs?" chat room and I'd have no idea. 

Anyway, Sailors just died at the enviable age of 95.

Questions. I Have Them.

Can I have a crush on someone who moves her lips while reading silently?

Thoughts. I Have Them.

There are many, many, MANY reasons to not vote for Ted Cruz, not the least of which would be his being born in 1970; having a president born in the same decade as myself anytime soon would just be too much.

Cheers

Being a regular at a local pub can be good for you:

People who have a bar where everybody knows their name are significantly happier, have more friends, and have better life satisfaction than other people.
And believe it or not, they’re actually LESS likely to binge drink.


Read More: It's Science! Science Says Being a Regular at a Bar is Good For You | http://mix949.com/its-science-science-says-being-a-regular-at-a-bar-is-good-for-you/?trackback=tsmclip

A new study found that being a regular at a small local bar is good for you. People who have a bar where everybody knows their name are significantly happier have more friends and have better life satisfaction than other people. And believe it or not they’re actually LESS likely to binge drink.

The closest I've ever had to such a thing is The Turkey's Nest. Though with 32-oz styrofoam containers of Bud for $3.50, I can't say we didn't the fuck out of shit there.

I remember the day after 9/11 when we were all at the Turkey's Nest, collecting ourselves and making sure everyone was okay, and listening to the tales of a guy who was there when it happened. We were dumbstruck as he told us stories of seeing falling bodies and body parts; we all, including him, marveled that he'd survived.

But the one thing I'll remember for all my years, long after I've forgotten about 9/11, is what he said at the door as he was leaving. Muttering under his breath, I don't think anyone else even heard him, he said "Now after all that, watch me walk out the door right now and get hit by a fucking bus."

People who have a bar where everybody knows their name are significantly happier, have more friends, and have better life satisfaction than other people.
And believe it or not, they’re actually LESS likely to binge drink.


Read More: It's Science! Science Says Being a Regular at a Bar is Good For You | http://mix949.com/its-science-science-says-being-a-regular-at-a-bar-is-good-for-you/?trackback=tsmclip

People who have a bar where everybody knows their name are significantly happier, have more friends, and have better life satisfaction than other people.
And believe it or not, they’re actually LESS likely to binge drink.


Read More: It's Science! Science Says Being a Regular at a Bar is Good For You | http://mix949.com/its-science-science-says-being-a-regular-at-a-bar-is-good-for-you/?trackback=tsmclip

Oh, Uncle Albert

Handing Over Your Manhood

Video over at Buzzfeed re: what it's like when you hold your girlfriend's purse.

Or, as you've surely already learned in my one-day-to-be bestselling novel which you can buy FOR JUST FUCKING $2.99 ALREADY!!!!!, "surrendering your manhood:

“I shop like I’m running into a burning building to save my porn stash, in and out.  But she’s gonna want me to try on everything in the freaking store.”

“Fee stor Rats!”

“Exactly.  And there’s no way she’s gonna see all those shiny, new clothes and not wanna try some on herself, right?  Even the crap she has NO intention of buying she’ll still wanna try on!  We’re gonna be in there all day.”

 “Rats!”

“But I’ll tell you what the WORST thing is, lil’ buddy.”

Chuck was pointing at a dog walking by.

“Hey!  Are you even listening to me?”

“Rats!”

I almost caught his sippy cup before it hit the ground, but bobbled it.

“The worst part is that, unbelievably, during all this trying crap on, guess who has to hold her freaking purse?”

“Rats!”

“You’re darn right it’s Rats,” I smacked the table with my palm.  “’Just for one second!’ she’ll say.”

“Wha second Rats!”

“You’re know it’s never just for one second, lil’ buddy,” I agreed.  “And of course this is the moment your old high school football coach decides to stroll through the middle of freaking Daffy’s in Midtown Manhattan for no particular reason.  He sees you standing there holding a girl’s handbag, and just says ‘I knew it.’  Man.  Brutal.”

Chuck gave a blank, but knowing stare.

“You know what I’m saying, lil’ buddy,” I was shaking my head.  Looking across the park, I could see Criss paying for her coffee.  “And you know what the topper is, lil’ buddy?”

“Rats!”

“I’ll tell you what I-“

“Rats! Rats!”

“I-“

“Rats!”

“Dude, shut it.  I’m trying to teach you something here, for chrissakes.  As I was saying, the more you get asked to do the hold-my-purse routine, the less likely it is you’ll ever have sex with that woman.  Know what I mean?”

Being a good sidekick, he gave me an empathetic look.

“It’s never the husbands, or boyfriends, or ‘friends with benefits’ that do this crap, right?  But guess who does?”

“Rats!”

“You got that right it’s Rats!”  I smacked my hand on the table again in total victory, had total victory meant declaring another reason why I never got laid.  “I’m telling you, lil’ buddy, if a girl is into you, you can tell her to get the heck away when she tries handing you a handbag.  Hey, she’s lucky you even came along in the first place.  It’s only the pining, pathetic dudes dumb enough to say ‘oh yeah, of course I’ll go shopping with you!’ that end up standing there holding the purse like an idiot.  Then she goes home and bangs her man all night while you’re making mix tapes for her that she’ll never listen to.  Believe me, lil’ buddy, that’s how this little dance works.  Suckers.”

“Rats!  Suckasrats!”

I stood up, pacing in front of him.

“I’m just saying, lil’ buddy.  When you grow up and find yourself in a store with a girl who wants you to hold a bag and you do it, you have ceased being a man to her.”

Memory Lane

There's probably an app for that.

OFAH du Jour

Xmastime TV Review: The Circus - Inside the Greatest Political Show on Earth

There's nothing really new or interesting in the Showtime show, but there's something about that early campaign snow in Iowa that warms my cockles; maybe it gets me nostalgic for The War Room. 

The Revolution

I consider myself to be fairly well-educated about the American Revolution, but until watching this video from the wonderful PBS Crash Course series I don't think I was ever aware of so many slaves gaining their freedom by escaping and fighting for the Brits, or how the cotton gin was so responsible for re-invigorating a diminishing slavery industry. Interesting.

Rock Me Amadeus

Watching the Making of Amadeus (and you can too HERE!) and F. Murray Abraham just told a fantastic story:

One night a friend of Abraham’s, who was staying in the same building, was consumed with searching the actor’s apartment for electronic listening devices. F. Murray, who would win an Oscar for his performance as Mozart’s obsessed rival Salieri, couldn’t care less if the secret police heard them, and just wanted to go to dinner. But when his buddy found a mysterious plate under a decorative rug, he exclaimed to Abraham, “I told you, man!” and attempted to disable the suspected bug by triumphantly wielding a butter knife to undo the screws. When they suddenly heard the loud crash of a chandelier hitting the floor of the room beneath them, the two shocked men then beat a hasty retreat to the nearest restaurant.

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “isn't this a great opportunity to re-post the greatest ending of any sitcom episode ever?"  

Sigh. YES, faithful readers, yes.

The 1970s According to Del Boy Trotter

Thoughts. I Have Them.

If Trump has a sense of humor he'd sit in the audience heckling during tonight's debate like Liam Gallagher during the Oasis Unplugged back in the day.

andtheend

Op watching Bruce do The River tonight reminds me that 7 years ago Xmastime buddy andtheend was there the first time he played the album all the way through  :)

it was long. and it was awesome. there are a few tracks on the river that i had planned as designated pee breaks, but i found that even the less than stellar ones like crush on you left me standing and singing at full volume...and i'm pretty sure that while i was dancing my old white lady dance, bruce pointed to me and smiled and told me that he loved me. he made sure that patty had left the stage. he ain't no dummy.

Op at MSG

As we speak, Op is at Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen's show at MSG, which means yes, I'll link to my live-blogging of Op's 2009 Meadowlands Bruce show. You're welcome. Choice Xmastime patting himself on the back line:

10:45pm Typical Op: his thumbs are about to fall off from texting, and Kdawggy breezes in and gets her mug on Xmastime. Life, eh?

Memory Lane with Xmastime

(Originally posted 11/6/09)

You people might remember a few weeks ago when I wrote my thoughts on the many different style of burgers HERE.

Now some guy has decided to give us his "16 Pearls of Cheeseburger Wisdom," the first pearl of course being a nice little vignette about wanting to puke in a bucket. How sexy. So of course I thought I might see how much I agree or disagree with dude.

1) Ketchup and mustard are overrated as condiments. Agreed. You guys know how I feel about ketchup, and mustard just doesn't belong on a burger. I like the unique, creamy taste of mayo, and just as with my lovemaking if I can't have it I prefer to go dry.
2) Tallgrass beef, for the most part, lacks the unctuousness, moisture content and brawny flavor I seek. I have no idea what this means, although I do know "unctuousness" means "addicted to mouse ass." I don't know what that has to do with cheeseburgers, but if you're having sex with mice maybe you have bigger problems than some dude doesn't like the taste of your "tallgrass beef." Not sexy, brah.
3) Texture and mouth feel are important considerations. In a step-daughter, yes. Cheeseburger? Yes also. I'm more of a texture guy than flavor guy with a lot of foods anyway.
4) Favorite casual sit-down chain restaurant burger? He says Red Robin's A.1. peppercorn burger. I'd say Wendy's, which is unfortunate since if I could've truthfully said Dairy Queen it would give me a chance to remind you guys for the 18000th time I fucked a girl in the DQ shitter once. But alas. Maybe just to spice things up a bit, next time I'll switch the words around and say "I fucked a girl in the shitter at the DQ once." That help move things along, make it a lil more exciting? Yes? No? How bout if I throw in a midget and his wheelchair-bound Indian sidekick?
5) Favorite turkey burger? N/A. Almost disqualifying, matter of fact. Fireworks on the 4th of July, she wears matching bra and underwear on your birthday, and you eat goddam turkety on Thanksgiving, not in a fucking burger. Yes, this is why they hate us. Grrr.
6) A burger labeled "kobe" is misleading. I believe you guys already know my "Will Not Eat Burgers Named after Rapists" policy. Again, does this make me a hero? Probably. I also can turn into a werewolf while playing basketball, but you people can't be bothered to hear about that because whenever I try to tell the story I start moving and shaking like a maniac, so fuck yall.
7) The best patties I've had are cooked on a griddle top. I can agree with that. "Something about stewing in their own fat." I'm down with that too.
8) Fries? Glad you asked. "Although french fries fried in duck fat are in vogue, serious gourmands know potatoes fried in beef tallow are far superior." Remember when all the vegetarians were upset cause they hadn't realized they were sucking down beef tallow every time they went to McDonalds? Just like when Costanza slipped some shellfish into that bitch Jew woman's eggs, or whenever I punch holes in the condom with a pin before fucking a prostitute, right? HAHAHA!! Anyone else laff their heads off at this? Fuck you, assholes!!!! If you're a vegetarian, stay the fuck outta McDonald's! I don't walk into your barn-raisings, and you stay outta my McDonalds. This reminds me of "Something about stewing in their own fat" from #7, since the girl who gave me the best blow job I've ever gotten happens to be a vegetarian who mysteriously weighed about 900lbs, and the morning after she gave me mouthal relations I woke up to find her stewing in my drunk-piss. Man. I wonder what happened to her. Drafted by the Rams?
9) Consider balance. Don't just pile your favorite ingredients and accouterments between two buns. I rarely put anything other than cheese/lettuce/mayo on my burgers, so this doesn't really affect me. SOMEtimes some onion, but rarely. I also once hit a dog and kept on driving, so.
10) Steer clear of feta, bleu and brie as cheese options. I didn't know these were fancy-schmancy cheeses were options for burgers. Where's this guy eat, The White House? I was gonna throw in a "of course not, they have fried chicken at the White House now" joke, but I had already hit "PUBLISH POST," so it was too late.
11) Lettuce and tomatoes end up getting in the way. YES!! TOTALLY AGREE!!. Especially tomato, one big honking slice of tomato, and that's all you can fucking taste or feel. Never understood why this was a default condiment. But then I'm on the verge of almost thinking about getting my own checking account, so I've had bigger things to be thinking about.
12) There is no greater flavor combination than bacon plus cheese plus caramelized onions. Maybe, but not on burger. Number one, I don't like onions cooked. But I also don't like bacon on my burger; unless it's on a pizza, I have a one-meat-per-bite rule. There's something oddly incestuously cannibalistic about mixing meats like this. Hell, you'd think me of all people would appreciate it more considering the number of times I've been banging out some broad from behind and looked down to see another chick has slid under us and it tonguing my dick and the other chick's pussy. And yet I still seem unmoved about the whole bacon on a burger thing. I am an enigmatic cat.
13) Look out, bacon. Egg with runny yolk is the new sexy topping. Eeeeeeeeeeeewww. The only eggs I wanna see running are in the toilet bowl after a "scare."
14) Best bang for your buck. Schoop's (19 locations, mostly in northwest Indiana and Calumet region of Illinois), and Illinois Bar and Grill. Wow, this is really handy information to have if I ever find myself in northwest Indiana or the Calumet region of Illinois. Which means he might as well have said "300 years into the future," cause I ain't going there either.
15) Favorite fast-food burger? A tie between Steak 'n Shake, above, and Schoop's. I don't know Schoop's but I have never had a better burger than the Shake Shack. Although like calling my ex-girlfriend a "human being that showcases the thoughts and emotions of someone who is aware of other people's feelings and is somewhat wary to hurt them by turning into a complete cum-guzzling, cock-craving whore," I'd say that calling the Shake Shack "fast" food is a bit of a misnomer. But it is an amazing burger.
16) The biggest rule of all: There is no rule. If it tastes good to you, it tastes good. Well. That sounded gay.

More on Grandad's Funeral

From the Steve Clark book I mentioned in the post below:

Indeed, Lennard Pearce’s real funeral wasn’t without laughter and that’s something by all accounts he would have wanted. John Sullivan was sitting directly behind David Jason and seconds after the vicar announced hymn number 187 John saw David’s pew begin to shake. David was having a fit of the giggles. David turned round to show John that the page was missing from his hymn book and the two men smiled. “John realised why I was laughing,” David recalled. “We were both thinking the same thing: ‘Had Del Boy supplied the hymn books?’

Only Fools and Horses: Genius

This past July HERE I wrote about the genius of John Sullivan being his ability to mix comedy with drama, highlighting the great scene in Strained Relations when Rodney accuses Del of having too much fun after Granddad's funeral.

Today on his Facebook page Steve Clark, who literally wrote the book on Only Fools and Horses, wrote about this remarkable episode and what made it, and the show, so great:

There's an episode of Only Fools and Horses on Gold tonight which exemplifies writer John Sullivan's brilliance. It's Strained Relations, the episode in which we see Grandad's funeral, following the death in real life of actor Lennard Pearce who played him. 

“It was a terrifying idea,” said producer Ray Butt. “To open a comedy show with a funeral would normally, to use a terrible pun, be death. But John was brilliant. He engineered it so well.”

With consummate skill Sullivan wrote a superb script, which I believe is one of his finest ever. Not surprisingly the funeral scene wasn’t littered with jokes. It was dark and gloomy, much as the cast and crew felt at the time.

But Sullivan knew he couldn't make the whole script downbeat, so he broke the mood with a gag which was a master stroke. Rodney drops Grandad’s trilby hat into the grave before it’s filled in by gravediggers.

As far as Del and Rodney and the viewer is concerned that’s that - until the vicar sets off for home and asks if anyone has seen his hat. This was a typical Sullivan twist which lightened the moment completely and lifted the gloom.

“You had all the pathos and all the sadness which is an important element of comedy and then he pricked it by the fact that Del and Rodney had thrown the wrong hat into the grave,” said Ray Butt. 

“It was a brilliant idea by John and he engineered it so well and put it in exactly the right position and it lifted the whole episode.”

David Jason agreed: “It was a brilliant way of lightening the scene. And I have to say it’s a tribute to the brilliance of John Sullivan’s writing that he could handle something as delicate as a death in the family with such skill that one minute you are laughing and the next minute you are crying.”

The episode also featured an exchange between Del and Rodney that must be one of the best sitcom scenes ever. It comes when grief-stricken Rodney asks Del how he can have got over Grandad’s death so quickly. Of course he hasn’t:

“Get over it? What a plonker you really are, Rodney. Get over it? I haven’t even started yet, I ain’t even started bruv. And do you know why? Because I don’t know how to. That’s why. I’ve survived all my life with a smile and a prayer. I’m Del Boy ain’t I. Good old Del Boy, he’s got more bounce than Zebedee. ‘Ere pal what you drinkin’? Go on darlin’ you ‘ave one for luck. That’s me, that’s Del Boy isn’t it. Nothing ever upsets Del Boy. I’ve always played the tough guy. I didn’t want to but I had to and I’ve played it for so long now that I don’t know how to be anything else. I don’t even know how to….oh it don’t matter. Bloody families, I’m finished with them. What do they do to you, eh? They drag you down and then they break your bloody heart.”

“John Sullivan wrote so many great scenes in Only Fools and Horses,” said David Jason. “But that is certainly one of the best as far as I’m concerned."

Here's the episode, the above scene starts around the 21:30 mark.

Only Fools And Horses - S04E02 - Strained... by SevenBiLiR-

The Fucking Catch

Interesting oral history on  49ers' inaugural Super Bowl in the soon-to-be-demolished Silverdome:

He admits that it’s strange to know that in a few short months, the place where he had his first great memory as a 49er will be gone, but the Silverdome’s demolition is just the latest bit of proof that time marches on. Last season, San Francisco said goodbye to Candlestick Park. “You go drive down the 101, and it’s gone,” Wilson says. “That’s the thing about the game.”
 
It won’t be long until a wrecking ball smashes through the Silverdome in the way Montana and his team tore through the NFL, but until then, it’s left for the wind to tear at its bones, for the concrete to crack, for the metal to rust. Soon, all that will remain are the legends it helped create.

Also not sure I'd ever realized just how good Fred Dean was:

"That Sunday against Dallas, Dean terrorized Danny White for four quarters, collecting four sacks (not yet an official stat) and a handful more hits. “What I used to say about Fred Dean is that he’s not a normal human being,” Austick says. “He’s made out of titanium. And when he could hit you, he could break you.”

Happy Birfday Mozart...

...which means you're right, it's time to talk about back farts.

Regrets.

43

I've read The Odd Couple many times over the years, but right now is the first time I've read it in which I am the same age as Oscar Madison. Ugh.

A Republican Conundrum

A chance to deny science, but would have to agree with a black guy. Tough one.

The King of Thrones: Lamb Pub, London England

2016 Resolution

Become secure enough in my manhood to respond to absurdly cute kid or puppy pics on social media with “Stop it. Just stop it.”

...a muzzle?

Inequality

Someone over at Salon is pointing out the myth that is the "self-made" man:

The people who benefit from inequality tend to attribute their success to themselves, rather than to luck or factors outside their control. These people then look upon the world and seek to justify it.

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't you call this bullshit years ago?" 

Nobody likes to admit out loud "part of my success is due to economic and social conditions cemented long before I was even born"; we must be made to believe that Successful Person X was left to die in a dumpster, then pulled himself up by his own bootstraps and became a real rags to riches story.  Nobody's happy simply to have been given the keys to the kingdom, they also hafta portray themselves as "victims."

Life & How to Live It

(Scene: me standing alone in kitchen, shoveling a bag of chips the size of a pillow into my face. 4 year-old walks in.)
Her: I want some chips!
Me: You can't. It's not lunchtime.
Her: How come you can eat them?
Me: I'm an incredible hypocrite.
Her: Okay! (Happily skips away)

Thoughts. I Have Them.

I know we're supposed to admire a child's repeatedly asking "but why?" as a form of their endless curiosity & refusal to blindly accept authority, but I just see it as the most circuitous route to “because I fucking said so!”

Xmastime Movie Review: The Revenant

I agree with all the usual things you've heard about this film: incredibly riveting, insanely shot, philosophically compelling, Leo's got the Oscar wrapped up, etc.  I was, however, disappointed that they decided to cave in to so many Hollywood cliches; not just revenge, but revenge served with a "duh" message from the guy being revenged upon, the overly-noble Indians, and the endless flashbacks/hallucinations of our hero's dead wife. Mel Gibson should get double royalties for this, via Braveheart and The Patriot. And maybe Mandy Patankin ("My name is Hugh Glass! You killed my son! Prepare to die!")

I just wish instead of IMMEDIATELY jumping back on the revenge trail (did he even take a moment to take a hot bath/eat some reindeer jerky puffs?), Glass would've reflected on what he'd been through, how ridiculous it was that he was alive and how he should spend the rest of his life, and whether it was worth it to chase down some guy who was beneath him anyway. Which reminds me of another thing that bugged me - as great as Hardy was, and his role was crucial in so many ways, he seemed a bit TOO cartoonish. Just plain super-evil to be the opposite of Glass' super-good, no layering at all. Perfectly content to know his role in life was to be this guy's foil, even to the point of death which he so easily received, as if saying "that's a wrap!"

That said, again, riveting. Marley said it best, even at 2 1/2 hours it felt like 40 minutes. A stunning performance and production.

RANDOM THOUGHTS (Warning: potential plot spoilers!!!):
- Were these people wearing the best clothing material ever made? Rags and wraps, yet they easily cruised through freezing weather and had no problem jumping into ice water. I mean, (to be said in the voice of Paul Lynde) take a lesson gore-tex!

- Little TOO easy to sniff out a Barnes/Elias Platoon thing re: Glass/Fitz. (also touched on by FILMVETTER.)

- Until he was able to walk again, didn't Leo's performance seem like an extended take of that crazy drug-fueled scene from Wolf of Wall Street? I mean, no way I'm the only one who was thinking this, right?

- Every mountain man/fur trapper apparently comes with a medical degree and an ability to instantly make a fire from a blade of grass and ice.

- Was Fitzgerald right in thinking the group should have left Glass behind to die to save themselves? Probably. I know I couldn't have done it; I thought the other guy's inability to literally shoot Glass in the head was a nice touch of humanity in a brutal situation. Either way it's a great question and the crux of the movie to me.

- Would love to create a fake trailer making it look like a comedy.

- There's no way I would've survived any 15 second stretch of this movie. At all.

Ooooooooh Yes!

After reading the play for over 30 years and blathering about it on this blog SO MANY FUCKING TIMES, I'm finally just now watching the movie version of my Neil Simon superslice of superslices, The Star-Spangled Girl!!!

(Fingers crossed it follows Simon's script faithfully)
 
Thank you iTunes!!!

OFAH du Jour

OFAH du Jour

“Ted Nugent So Impressed by Alvin & the Chipmunks: The Road Chip He Calls for Obama to Wear a Brightly Colored Sweater with No Pants.”

Willie

I've always loved iconic guitars such as Paul McCartney's Hofner, Johnny Ramone's Mosrite or Joe Strumer's battered Telecaster; they all might take a backseat to the story of Willie Nelson's Trigger.

Steaming Turd du Jour

I don't want to say this is a big disappointment so far, but when Gary Cole can't save you...   :/

Me on the train earlier with the guy behind me blathering on and on about work.

Memories!

"Marvel announces movie lineup throughout remainder of the human race"

State du Moi

Dear Little kid on the train behind me:

I'm sure your asking a million questions about anything that pops into your head will continue to spawn a curiosity that will one day greatly enrich mankind, but right now you need to just please for the love of god STFU. 

NYC

Of course Ted Cruz is awful. But I also think that 9/11 isn't the only way to promote how great NYC is. There are many, many days in which NYC is amazing and 9/11 is just one of them.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

Of course Ted Cruz is awful. But I also think that 9/11 isn't the only way to promote how great NYC is. There are many, many days in which NYC is amazing and 9/11 is just one of them.

Trigger

Roger Lloyd Pack, who also starred in The Vicar of Dibley, died 2 years ago today. Here's to Trigger :)

Only Fools and Horses du Jour

Celebrity Deaths

Article over at Salon on the high rate of celebrity deaths we seem to be having now:

...the rule of threes has become the “Law of Constant Celebrity Mourning.” The Internet of today is like an “In Memoriam” segment that never stops. And in addition, there are simply more famous people than there have ever been before—in an age where the Web has democratized fame. Whereas celebrity used to be enjoyed by a very small group of powerful people (e.g., movie stars, musicians, politicians, and best-selling authors), now anyone with a webcam and a YouTube account has the ability to build a following. Can you imagine what the “In Memoriam” list is going to look like in 50 years—when we’re adding the slew of Vine and Instagram stars to the mix? That black cloud I mentioned won’t eat the media; it will be the media.

"But Xmastime", you say in the voice of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward from those soap commercials (RIP), “didn't you bring this very thing up 7 years ago?"  

OF COURSE I BROUGHT THIS VERY THING UP 7 YEARS AGO!!!

...we need to get used to our celebrities dropping dead at a high rate from now on as thousands of the very people who came of age at the exact right time to be a part of the advent of TWO major celebrity industries, rock 'n roll AND television, having been born between 1930ish and 1940ish, are now of "dying age." We're at a perfect storm of both timing and sheer number of celebrities dying over the next decade or so; we should be surprised when a week goes by when someone really famous DOESN'T croak. Throw in our creating celebrities just to be celebrities, and we'll have moved from the days of silver screen star Carole Lombard dying to "I'll always remember where I was when I heard Tinkerbell died..."

I'm beginning to suspect...

...Tinder has somewhat low expectations for me.

Stones

Someone today asked me what my favorite Rolling Stones song is so of course now I present you with my Top 10. You're welcome.

Rocks Off
Winter
Star Star
Connection
Ruby Tuesday
When the Whip Comes Down
Loving Cup
She's a Rainbow
Have you Seen your Mother Baby (Standing in the Shadows)
Out of Time

Back to Bowie

The New Yorker does it best.

Leave Home

Lost in all the Bowie news is that yesterday marked the 39th anniversary of the release of the single greatest album of all time, Leave Home. You're welcome.

Bowie

I've never been a David Bowie guy, and I know many great Bowie fans who refuse to acknowledge the song Blue Jean even exists, but I can remember clear as day being a 7th grader and wishing I had written "Remember, that everybody has to wait in line, oh Blue Jean, look out world, you know I've got mine." Gotdam. Still do. - XMASTIME

Oh For Fuckssake Already

I don't begrudge the Pistols themselves for cashing in because fuck it, but anyone who wears these is pretty lame. I mean, come on. There's some weird meta shark-jumping of jumping the shark going on here.

But any excuse to remind ourselves of how great the Pistols one album was is just fine by me.

27 Years Ago Tonight

The most famous scene in British comedy was aired for the first time!

The 5th Beatle

Forgot to give props yesterday to Sir George Martin, who turned 90 years old Sunday. From Xmastime 2009:

One of the odder things about the Beatles is that no other group in history has been so closely associated with its producer (George Martin being the rightful "Fifth Beatle,") and yet said producer is the exact opposite of someone you'd think would click with them - an almost caricature of the button-down, tea at 4pm, don't cause trouble mid-century no-nonsense Englishman who does things by the book only. And it didn't help that he was born looking like he was 180 years old. Seriously, if you didn't already know it, is there any way in hell you could imagine the Beatles working with someone like that throughout every inch of their career?

And this in the midst of the 1960's "don't trust anyone over 30, our-generation-vs-yours, anyone in a suit is a square" doctrine. The kings of the world's cultural youth, the symbols for starting everything over fresh and anew and, although sure they had they whacko young side players doing bizarre stuff (Magic Alex), when it came to actually making the music they did it all with a guy 15 years older than their oldest member who would as soon be seen outside of his house naked as without a necktie.

Great minute-long video of Martin HERE.

Only Fools and Horses du Jour

Fucking Jerks :(

Question du Jour

Ruining mayo, or up-branding ketchup?

WTF du Jour

The MLB Draft has less of an impact than other leagues, but this is still pretty surprising:

But Griffey already is a lock to make history, as he surprisingly will become the first No. 1 overall draft pick in baseball history to be enshrined in Cooperstown.

Side note: Junior played in the first gme I ever saw at Yankee Stadium and made quite an impact on me:

This article has been kicking around for a while, wondering if having a big dumper is good for a baseball player. It must be, I mean look at A-Rod's ass. And I'll never forget, the first time I ever went to Yankee Stadium Ken Griffey, Jr walked up to the plate, and the first thing I thought was "oh my god, did someone drop a Datsun in the back of his pants?"  And then he hit two out. So.

Well.

All week long in London I wore my Only Fools and Horses skull cap; when I went to Abbey Road I felt it important to wear the hat Big Bear gave me:)

Thoughts. I Have Them.

2 Christmas cards this year. I am officially fading into the shadows. :(

2015: A Year in Review.

Most days I sit around in a mash of depression about how little I've done in my pathetic life, but 2015 offered me a curiously broad look at the world.

I went to California for the first time.

I went to Paris, my first time leaving the country.

I went to London for the first time.

I met my first-ever hero in real life.

Not.

Too.

Shabby.

Here's to 2016! :)

London!

Thanks to Brothatime!! I visited London for the first time, staying there from Boxing Day through New Year's Day. This happening a mere 6 weeks after going to Paris let me see the 2 cities as the juxtaposition that they are; they each seem to be in response to each other: Paris is the living room which is so perfectly and beautifully designed you're scared to sit on the couch and put your feet up, while London is the place you put your feet up and let the fish & chips juice dribble down your chin. They're both amazing in their own way. London I feel like I could move to tomorrow, and being only hours from Paris would be an amazing comfort. Paris never misses an opportunity to add beauty to any surface; London's walls are purely functional.

Except for Westminster Abbey. As Brothatime!! mentioned, all of British history is housed under this one roof - the coronations, the Royal wedding, and oh gee what do you know the final resting places of Chaucer, Dickens, Darwin, Newton, and pretty much every British author I've ever read. And it's the one building in London of which the Brits decided you know what, let's make this as beautiful as any random building in Paris. It is stunning; my favorite building in the world.

Second place? Abbey Road Studios. Physically standing in front of the building, a small building, and surrounded by the emotions of people around you, you're overwhelmed by the knowledge of what came out of this one room, that within these walls came something that has touched every single inch of the planet and will for decades to come. Amazing.

Follow along with my Instagram (via OfficeCow!) HERE.

When it come to both Paris and London, it's not complicated: I can't wait to go back.

Facebook Zinger du Jour

The Onion 2015

A year ago a buddy at work gave me a daily Onion calendar and since then I've pulled what I thought were the best ones. I've now landed on my Top 10, shown here. Feel free to vote for your favorite, mine is definitely the molten lava cheese one. :) 

Ummm...

...who would possibly be surprised at how hot Tom Brady's wife is?

Xmastime Headlines!

Thoughts. I Have Them.

Thinking of starting a petition at work to allow me to eat my baked chicken with my fingers instead of putting on airs with a knife & fork.

Cool du Jour

NASA picked out images from space that spelled out the alphabet. Pretty stunning.

Poppity-Pop!

Great article over at Serious Eats on the most comforting snack of comfort foods, popcorn:

It was then that one of my earliest childhood memories was formed: watching the world television premiere of Star Wars: A New Hope with my dad in our shag-carpeted living room. I specifically remember picking through a big red melamine bowl of buttered popcorn and getting up during one of the commercial breaks to pour some more dry kernels into our old air popper. As the machine, with its 1970s brown, orange, and tan color scheme, whirred and heated, Fred (as we called my dad, because, well, his name was Fred) microwaved a half stick of butter in a cup until just melted and tossed the bowl of popcorn while I drizzled on the butter, intentionally pouring it just a little too fast to increase my odds of finding one of the coveted extra-buttery kernels later on.

I wrote a vaguely similar post 8 years ago on my own love of popcorn: 

My first memories of popcorn are as a little kid, it would be Friday or Saturday night and “Diff’rent Strokes” would be coming on. My mother would start making a batch old style, in a pot on the stove, with a little pot on the side melting butter. Me being an idiot, I would never get my bath for the night over with in time to settle in before the show started. Oh no no, that would be the smart thing to do. Me, I’d time it so that as I’m splashing in the tub I could hear the corn popping in the kitchen. Which sounds weird now.....okay, I took baths in the kitchen sink til I was 14 years old. Feel good about yourself now, Daddy Warbucks? Anyways, I could hear my mother yelling that I better hurry up, or I’ll miss out on the popcorn. I’d splish and splash, splish and splash, apply cocoa butter aloe vera with sliced almonds while marveling at the sensation of my vas deferens in the water, splish and splash some more, until I knew enough time had passed. Now this is how much of a loser I was – I’m come strolling into the room, looking around for the popcorn, eyes wide, spinning my head around.

“Where’s the popcorn?!??!!!”
“Gone.”
“WHAT!??!!?!?” (note to brain: fill eyes with water.)
“You were in the bath. We ate it all.”
“Butbubbubbubut wha!!!!!!!!” (note to brain: fold arms, stomp foot. Invent the Internet.)
“Yeah, well...you’re in front of the tv. Move.”

Keep in mind that this would happen EVERY WEEK, like clockwork. Geez. I’d drop to the floor, a fuming, barely contained raging pile of 6 year-old flesh. I’d stare at the tv for the rest of the night, not blinking, not moving, not speaking to anyone. Eyes forward, totally focused - thinking, of course, this was “punishment” for those involved. Ha! To this day I’m waiting to unearth a whole picture album dedicated to these moments; dozens of shots of everybody making faces etc while my back is turned, staring ahead at the tv. Bunny rabbit ears over my head, maybe a big foam #1 finger, maybe my dad and brother posing behind me with a dead moose. You can see the steam coming outta my ears as they put a cigarette in the dead moose’s mouth and a beer stuck to his hoof, snapshot!

The Final Season of Downton Abbey

This seems well said:

Then she keeps coming back, even conning her way into Mary's bedroom, which is certainly a metaphor for the way working-class reality has crept into the luxe-bubble of the Crawleys' lives. Just in case you didn't catch the metaphor, Rita actually says to Mary, "Your lot's finished. You're going down and we're coming up," which is totally in keeping with Downton Abbey's tradition of delivering both a scene's text and its Cliffs Notes simultaneously.

My bold, dawg!

Inspect Element du Jour

(Original HERE.)

The Beginnning of the End

Here We Go Again

Some armed, patriotic US Constitution enthusiasts have taken over a Federal building in Oregon:

Armed anti-government protesters have taken over a building in a federal wildlife refuge in Oregon, accusing officials of unfairly punishing ranchers who refused to sell their land.

One them is Ammon Bundy, the 40-year-old son of Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy, who is well-known for anti-government action.

He spoke by phone to CNN on Sunday at 8 a.m. ET. Asked several times what he and those with him want, he answered in vague terms, saying that they want the federal government to restore the "people's constitutional rights."

A few thoughts may come to your head:

1) Imagine the shitshow of panic if these had been armed black men, or anything other than white "Christians." The National Guard would be swooping in like a fat kid at a cake buffet.

2) Wonder where the Right's "hey, if the arsonists they're trying to protect had followed the law in the first place they wouldn't be in trouble" claims are in this case, as opposed to whenever a black kid is shot dead from behind for trying to evade arrest.

3) The real headline: "Group of takers want government handouts and their friends should have just obeyed the law in the first place oh wait scratch that, they're white."

4) Not sure why these guys who are so desperate to play dress-up & act tough don't just join the Army.

5) This is a bit much/over the top but there's a kernel of truth here:

Xmastime Movie Review

As someone who has spent hundreds of ours listening to Pet Sounds and read several books on both the album and Brian Wilson, there really wasn't a lot in Love & Mercy I didn't already know. But the movie is a great primer for newcomers, mostly because of great performances by Paul Dano, John Cusack and Paul Giamtti (who should be the creepy agent in every movie that requires a creepy agent of some sort.) Dano in particular is most effective, partly because he looks so much like Wilson and while he's been a scene-stealer for about a decade now, he's not as jarring as "oh look, it's John Cusack." Dano also benefits from the look the film has when recreating the 60s. Elizabeth Banks is  good in that you really believe she genuinely cares about Wilson and isn't just some fan gold-digger.

The studio scenes are great as well, with proper respect given to the Wrecking Crew. Also kudos for not going overboard in retelling what a monster Wilson's father was to him.

Another thing the flick reminds you of is how young everybody was back then. After spending months bringing the sounds from his head to life by commandeering the greatest studio professionals in the world ("I play the studio as an instrument") Brian Wilson was 23 when Pet Sounds came out. Paul McCartney, born 2 days earlier than Wilson, was about to put out Revolver. Phil Spector, Wilson's muse/mentor, was 26 when Pet Sounds came out and had already done 95% of all the world-changing music he'd do in his career. I mean, wtf?

The Green Green Grass

2015 was definitely the year I fell in love with Only Fools and Horses, but I've been weary of trying out the Boycie star-turn sequel, The Green Green Grass for fear of disappointment. So today I finally tried it and was pleasantly surprised - while not the most original sitcom in the world, it's funny as hell. Created and mostly written by John Sullivan, it features a look straight from The Vicar Of Dibley, plot twists via Only Fools and Horses, and Boycie is downright hilarious. It's no Only Fools, but what is?

Thoughts. I Have Them.

If I don't meet the love of my life in line at the Giant Food​ self-checkout, at this point I really don't see where it's going to happen.

Speaking of England...

...A Hard Day's Night is on Hulu right now!!!

1966!

I just got back from England (HEARD of it?!?!?) and stumbled into this article about 1966, the greatest year to be a Brit:

But one year, one glorious year, did live up to the legend. It was 1966, and it began exactly half a century ago this week. Unbelievably to me, it is now distant enough to be considered a part of history. To be young then, and to be lucky enough to be living in Britain, was, in words borrowed from William Wordsworth, 'very heaven'.

By 1966, World War II had been over for more than 20 years, and young people, who had little or no memory of the Blitz, had grown up on free education, the NHS, almost full employment and the abolition of National Service.

We were, I still believe, the luckiest generation ever, as we rejoiced in our millions on July 30, 1966, after Geoff Hurst made it 4-2 to England against West Germany. And, as captain Bobby Moore was handed the Jules Rimet trophy, it felt as though we truly were on top of the world — and not just in football. As the Kinks sang that summer, it really was a Sunny Afternoon.

1966 was such a good year that my third-favorite Beatles song wasn't even the A-side to the single that came out that wasn't even on one of the greatest albums of all time that came out that year, Revolver.

2015: A Year in Review

January: Discovered Only Fools and Horses
February: Watched Only Fools and Horses
March: Watched Only Fools and Horses
April: Watched Only Fools and Horses
May: Watched Only Fools and Horses
June: Watched Only Fools and Horses
July: Watched Only Fools and Horses
August: Watched Only Fools and Horses
September: Watched Only Fools and Horses
October: Watched Only Fools and Horses, went to Paris
November: Watched Only Fools and Horses
December: Watched Only Fools and Horses, went to London