Well.

This is still the single greatest text of my life.

This sub-headline seems unfortunate.

State du Moi

Between the Republican Party and my addiction to Vanderpump Rules I sometimes worry OMG America really is the country of stupid, but then I'm reminded an African-American astrophysicist has almost 5M Twitter followers and breathe a little better.

‪#‎drummerswholookliketheyaremasturbating‬

Sometimes It's Embarrassing to Be a Human Being

Soon 22 states will require people to work 80 hours a month for food stamps. You know, because of welfare queens:

So now, hundreds of thousands of people will go hungry, so that some other, smaller number of better-off people can believe that they are not being ripped off by people they do not know and will never see.

Congratulations.

ICYMI

Here's a few of my Tweets from the GOP Debate last night, i.e. the greatest 2 hours of television EVER.

Dad Rock

I've been in a big Replacements mood since reading the fantastic TROUBLE BOYS last week, and I stumbled into a podcast with two guys talking about their show in DC last year (a show I was thrilled to be at but found a bit disappointing). Now I'm in a rabbit hole thanks to this podcast having such topics as "Deep Beatles Tracks", "REM: The I.R.S. Years", "Our Favorite Album Titles" and many, many more. Intoxicating, and highly recommended.

Bonus: they only play clips of songs, so you don't hafta sit through entire songs you've already pretty much memorized over decades.

Here's the Replacements one that got me into all this.

I Have a Sneaking Suspicion There are Two Correct Answers for This One

“Nation totally reassured by awful guy endorsing other awful guy.”

State du Moi

Adding "Can identify any episode of Wings without having the sound on" to my Match.com profile.

Hey, Good For Them

Pro-slavery enthusiasts finally get a month all their own.

Happy Birfday

To George Harrison, aka The Tea Party Beatle.

#throwbackthursday

Evelyn Whaaaaaaaaaa?

Article HERE about Evelyn Waugh, the author of Brideshead Revisited, having to deal with everyone assuming he was a woman because of his name. I know I did until a few years ago, tho mostly I'm still amazed that for the 2008 movie version they for some reason dropped the part about HIM FUCKING CARRYING A TEDDY BEAR AROUND ALL THROUGHOUT COLLEGE!!

Oh, HELL No!

Help prove this is bullshit HERE, people.

OFAH du Jour

Del: Never give up on people, Rodney. I know that most of the time they don't seem to understand. But when you're in trouble and you cry out for help some will always be there. Trigger's cousin Cyril's a perfect example. He owed 500 quid on his mortgage.
Trigger: They were gonna be thrown out on the street the following day. he was very worried about it.
Mike: So what happened Trig?
Trigger: He drove out to Beachy Head. Parked about five foot from the edge of the cliff.
Albert: What he was gonna drive off it?
Trigger: Yeah! He just sat there for a couple of hours his head resting on the steering wheel. People tried to talk to him out of it but he was too depressed to listen.
Del: But then, and this is what I mean about people Rodney, they had a whip-round and got him his 500 quid.
Rodney: No! Who held the whip-round?
Del: All the passengers on his bus.

I'm In a Big Replacements Mood, So Why Not

Tommy on his house, ie the Let It Be cover.

Xmastime Book Review

Trouble Boys: the True Story of The Replacements
By Bob Mehr

After 2009's incredibly disappointing All Over but the Shouting, which was 300 pages of fans nobody knows or cares about gushing "OMG I saw them live one time and they were so wasssssssssted!!!", Trouble Boys is an incredibly thorough and definitive work, probably due to the author having unprecedented access to the members themselves, including the famously reclusive Paul Westerberg. The book goes deep with the group's teen years (answering a footnote question I'd asked!) and details their entire career, including tons of actual details about the music, how songs were written and how they recorded everything.

Shocking even to someone who long knew of their alcoholic antics as myself was how much they really drank. I'd always assumed it was the usual pre-show drinking that got out of hand, but they pretty much woke up and started drinking throughout the entire day, whether they had a show or a recording session or anything at all. They even had shows before which they'd drank, sobered up, and then got wasted again by the time they hit the stage. All this sounds fun in a "yeah, rock!" way until you really peel away at the layers of Bob Stinson and Paul Westerberg's mental illnesses - Bob was the victim of every kind of abuse as a child and Westerberg suffered from severe depression that despite being worshiped by an entire generation of musicians and fans sent him into deep despair throughout his entire career amidst suicidal thoughts. All this perhaps is an insight to their repeatedly shooting themselves in the foot when it came to being successful; Westerberg was incapable of trusting anybody with his music on any project, therein being determined to make it as difficult as possible for anybody to help them. As much fun as it's always been hearing stories of them being impulsive imps, it's also pretty clear re: how much they were complete dicks to people who tried to help them.

Again, thoroughly useful and almost OCD-ishly thorough and insightful. A must-read for Replacements fans, if only to read Westerberg and Tommy Stinson look back and own up to some of their many, many fuck-ups.

On the other hand, unlike the tons of punk rock posers, this was one band that did. not. give. a fuck.

#‎seinfeldsteen‬

OFAH du Jour

Del: We had Denzil in goal. We had Monkey Harris at right back. There's a feeling about this photo. We had... camaraderie.
Trigger: Was that the Italian boy?

WHAT YOU HEAR THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE TIME YOU PLAY TAYLOR SWIFT’S “OUT IN THE WOODS” FOR YOUR 4 YEAR-OLD GODDAUGHTER WHO MAY BE UNDER THE IMPRESSION YOU ARE DATING TAYLOR SWIFT, MOSTLY BECAUSE YOU REPEATEDLY TOLD HER YOU WERE:

"Is that your girlfriend? Are those snakes? Why is she barefoot in the woods? Snakes are gross! Does she have shoes? What’s wrong with her? How come she doesn’t have shoes? Look at my shoes! They light up! Look! Look! Look! Are you looking? Look! How come you never bring her here to see us? She's so pretty. Why is she running? Are those dogs? Are they going to eat her? Are the dogs her best friends? Where’s her jacket? That dress is pretty. Did the dogs eat her? Because they're her best friends! Is she cold, it’s snowing! What’s she saying? Is she talking to you? Where is she? Can she fly? Is she flying? She’s flying! Is she drowning in the water? How’d she get out of the water? Why is she crawling? Why is she crawling in the mud? It’s raining! Why is she crawling in the rain? This is your girlfriend? Did she take a bath? Why can’t she stand up? Is that fire? Are the woods on fire? Are all the trees on fire? Is she okay? Is she on fire? All the trees are on fire is she okay? Why are the woods on fire? What happened to the dogs do you have the dogs? Can I see the dogs?..."

Look Out Yankees Haters!!!

Interesting theory about the Yankees 20-year cycle, ie eerie similarities between the championship teams of the 70s, then the dip that followed, then the championship teams of the 90s, then the dip that followed.

Will the 20-year cycle result in another run of championship teams from 2016-21?

Also extremely interesting:

Also noteworthy is that architecting these championship cycles took place during two lengthy absences of the meddling and impulsive owner. George Steinbrenner was banned from baseball in for 15 months in late 1974 for making illegal campaign contributions to Richard Nixon, and was banned again from 1990 until 1993 for paying Howie Spira to dig up dirt on Dave Winfield. During that first absence, Gabe Paul pulled off the trades and free agent signings that built the late ‘70s dynasty, and during that second absence, Gene Michael developed and protected the Core Five, in addition to making the critical Roberto Kelly for O’Neill trade.

No surprise to you Xmastime fans, of course:

George Steinbrenner is the closest I can come to believing in a God - or, I should say, guardian angels. I say that because here's a guy that throughout his term as Yankee owner was on the wrong side of every single possible decision when it came to obtaining players, and I mean to a comical, almost 100% degree, and yet won seven World Series rings and made billions of dollars. It's no coincidence that all of the Yankees World Series titles came after Steinbrenner had been forced away from any kind of decision-making, be it the 1977-78 titles (forced out of baseball because of funny Nixon donations), the 1996-98-99-00 titles (forced out of baseball by Fay Vincent because of the Winfield scandal) and finally 2009 due to his health. Each time when he was forced out, his minions that he blasted on a daily basis were able to quietly put together these championship teams without having the Boss fuck things up, and each time he came back the team slid back to NOT winning championships; nothing more sums all this up better than Steinbrenner, after Mo Rivera threw away the 2001 World Series, went up to Brian Cashman, who had won 4 championships in 5 years and had come inches away from another, and snarled at him "You had your chance, now we're doing it my way." And they did, and those became the Sheffield/Giambi/Brown years in the desert with no world Series titles.

Incredible. Seven rings, and amassing a fortune in the billions after buying into the team with only $168,000 of his own money, all while being, as I quoted Kuhn a few days ago, a Titanic in search of an iceburg. So much so that it really does make you think that someone on high was looking out for this motherfucker. Why him, I don't know, but man.  Almost nothing about Steinbrenner made any sense, which is what makes him such a frustrating, mercurial, lovable character that will be talked about as long as baseball is talked about. 

Amtrak

Ah, the tracks of my tears.

Justice Scalia Thoughts, by Me

Will be funny when Obama agrees to defer nominating a judge to replace Scalia until the next president, then President Clinton or Sanders nominates Obama.

Thoughts. I Have Them.

Ever been eating a sandwich which is kinda blah until the very last bite which is for some reason amazing that makes you wanna start over with that bite being what the entire sandwich tastes like? Asking for an obsequious yet curiously judgmental ex-lover.

Well.

At least this will make it super-easy to solve the inevitable crime "hey, who shot Donald Trump??!"

Why is this guy fucking it up for other dudes?

Thoughts. I Have Them.

The only thing better than a 4 year-old looking back at you & calling you names as she walks away walking into a kitchen table are those seconds in slow motion as you’re gleefully watching it about to happen.

"Leave the pillow. Take the cannoli."

Kind-of Valentine's's Day Memories

From 2010:

I can kinda take or leave chocolate, but I understand that Valentine's Day is all about the chocolate (tho it drives me fucking nuts.)  Either way, I can say without a doubt that my single favorite memory involving chocolate is THIS FROM April 2010   :)

BIG BEAR ALREADY UNDERSTANDS HOW THE WORLD WORKS

Xmastime: you want some more chocolate milk?
Big Bear: yeah, but I wanna make it all by myself.
Xmastime: oh, okay.
Big Bear: you can be my assistant.
Xmastime: okay, cool.
Big Bear: now Mr. Assistant, would you please, open the milk (waves hand dramatically as if he were a magician)
Xmastime: Sure.
Big Bear: ....and, now would you please, pour the milk into the cup (waves hand dramatically as if he were a magician)
Xmastime: Yup.
Big Bear: Okay, and now Assistant would you please, take the top off of this (waves hand dramatically as if he were a magician, pushes can of Ovaltine to me)
Xmastime: Okay.
Big Bear: ...aaaaaaaaaaaand dump some of it in the milk (waves hand dramatically as if he were a magician)
Xmastime: You know, it seems like I'm the one doing all the work.
Big Bear: Well, that's because you're my assistant.
Xmastime: Ah. Gotcha.
Big Bear: And you'll tell my mom and dad I did it all myself, right?
Xmastime: Yes sir.

Happy Valentine's Day

What with my over the top, bordering on the dangerous luck with the ladies, Valentines Day has always been a big deal for me. Let's take a walk through the years and, starting with 8th grade, see how each Valentine's Day went for our guy Xmastime.

1986: nothing
1987: nothing
1988: nothing
1989: bought rose for a girl I was into and later dated for two years. My first love. Of course by the time it got to her it had died and shriveled up. And that ended up being the highlight of our relationship.
1990: I think I got a keychain shaped like a heart from her. Ring-a-ding fucking ding.
1991: nothing
1992: nothing
1993: nothing
1994: had a girlfriend, but can't remember doing anything special. Sounds like it must have been amazing.
1995: broke up with her, inciting what surely was 4-sleeve Snackwells emergency at Stubbs Dorm.
1996: nothing
1997: nothing
1998: nothing
1999: nothing
2000: nothing
2001: nothing
2002: nothing
2003: nothing
2004: nothing
2005: nothing
2006: nothing
2007: nothing
2008: nothing
2009: nothing
2010: nothing
2011: nothing
2012: nothing
2013: nothing
2014: nothing 
2015: nothing
2016: nothing as of 2:35pm 

Coke Gets It

Only Fools du Jour

Complete Jackoffs...

...but I look forward to the inevitable Lifetime movie Mother May I Sleep with Stupid?

Via SALON.

Grocery store game show idea: "Is This Dude Single?"

Oh, Dick.

I totally missed that yesterday was the 10-year anniversary of Dick Cheney shooting a guy in the face while "hunting."

It was also one of my earliest posts! :)

Things in Dick Cheney's Life That end in "Ooter" That Give Him trouble (or rhymes, anyway)

1) SCOOTER – as in Libby, as in gee, turns out the Veep may have given the thumbs-up to leak classified info, including the name of a CIA agent. Meanwhile, 2 gay dudes in Idaho can’t get married, cause that would, you know, threaten national security.
2) SHOOTER – as in whenever someone gets blasted in the face with a shotgun, there must be a shooter, which in this case of course was the big Veep. Of course, this wasn’t a case of real hunting, with real, mobile animals or even real shotguns. Luckily, this was a case of a coupla shitheads sitting in the woods wishing their dicks were bigger.
3) COOTER – as in slang for “vagina”, which Cheney’s daughter loves to munch. That’s okay darling, me too. Of course, my dad hasn’t spent a lifetime of public service dedicated to keeping two chicks from marrying each other, but hey.
4) NEUTER – as in “to castrate”, as in what the big Veep does to the sitting president when he, you know, SHOOTS SOMEONE IN THE FACE and then doesn’t bother telling the president; all this of course after 5 years of hearing grumblings that the VP is running the show and that the president himself is just a dumb, slightly retarded puppet mouthpiece. Way to go, shitforbrains. Helping the team!
5) HOOTERS – as in the greatest restaurant in the world…maybe next time they decide to go “hunting”, Cheney & his Gang can make things a little easier on themselves and walk into a Hooters and shoot up a nice, big plate of hot wings. Hey, they USED to be birds. Dick, pitchers are only $10!!!!
6) LOOTER – as in what this shithead turned thousands of people into when hurricane Katrina destroyed a whole chunk of the country. Well, except for the white people, who were of course only “finding” things…
7) INTRUDER – as in what many people in this country see the big Veep and his buddy W to be as they sit in the White House and try to completely destroy everyone’s lives. Well, except those people that are white, filthy rich and served under "Daddy", anyways
8) From the ROOTER to the TOOTER – I’m not sure which one is which, but whichever one means “asshole”, which is what this fuckhead is.

Oh for Fuck's Sake

Carole Burnett still for some reason has never hosted SNL, a colossal wtf I've been bitching about for 6 years now.

BREAKING NEWS: Marco Rubio's senior thesis talking points found.

Via Facebook

A band 4 people ever saw, a Sunday softball league emperor with no clothes, and a kid in a Santa hat devouring a biscuit from McDonalds. In other words, they nailed it.

Speaking of Mrs. Xmastimes...

...hapy birfday to an all-timer  :) 

From January 2006:

JUDITH LIGHT
(actress, best known as Angela Bower on “Who’s the Boss”)
WEEKS ON THE CHARTS: 1,016
PROS: Beautiful, successful, rich. Appeared bald on Broadway….and if the curtains match the carpet….
CONS: has no idea I'm alive. Married to some chucklehead for the last 600 years. Will hafta take a lot of heat for dating someone in her 50s. Might be cold in the beginning, thinking I'm using her to get to Sam or Mona.
ODDS: 10%. I say 10 because hey, isn’t the new thing in Hollywood older women dating younger men? And once I start quoting “Who’s The Boss”, camon.

Ah, Memories! Of Terror!

You're a Mrs. Xmastime, Dammit! Act Like It!

Chrissie Hynde has somehow quickly turned into another version of "old white guy has had a mic in his hands for a while, now decides to tell you his thoughts on black people." Camon. You're too hot for this shit, baby!

52 Years Ago Today

Hard to even imagine a more exciting cultural event for an entire nation ever happening again. From the History Channel:

It is estimated that 73 million Americans were watching that night as the Beatles made their live U.S. television debut. Roughly eight minutes before Fred Kaps took the stage, Sullivan gave his now-famous intro, “Ladies and gentlemen…the Beatles!” and after a few seconds of rapturous cheering from the audience, the band kicked into “All My Lovin’.” Fifty seconds in, the first audience-reaction shot of the performance shows a teenage girl beaming and possibly hyperventilating. Two minutes later, Paul is singing another pretty, mid-tempo number: “Til There Was You,” from the Broadway musical Music Man. And then came “She Loves You,” and the place seems to explode. What followed was perhaps the most important two minutes and 16 seconds of music ever broadcast on American television—a sequence that still sends chills down the spine almost half a century later.

The Beatles would return later in the show to perform “I Saw Her Standing There” and “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” as the audience remained at the same fever pitch it had reached during “She Loves You.”

The Beatles - 1st Ed Sullivan Show by Rendersen26

Happy Birfday Grandad!

Born 101 years ago today.

Head On vs. Head On

I went with the original but man, what a great question.

The better "Head On"

— Matthew Yglesias (@mattyglesias) February 9, 2016

Moi, back in 2007:

On a side note, just spent the last hour trying to figger which version of "Head On" I like better, the original or the Pixies? I always thought this was the greatest cover a band from my generation did, like they did in the old days - an earnest, we-love-the-song cover by a contemporary. Is there a better example in the last 20 years of bands who are contemporaries that do such a great cover of the others's song? I'm sure there are, but this one has always meant a lot to me.

I only saw my Dad laugh out loud once: when I played him my tape of Bill Cosby's "Himself", the part about his father farting and blaming it on elephants. A no-nonsense guy for sure, so you can picture his look of utter disappointment upon opening the door to his 17 year old son's room and seeing this fucking loser boo-hooing like a school-girl and moving the needle back over and over again to replay the line "..and the way I feel tonight, I could die and I wouldn't mind..." after being dumped by his first love. Can still see his face - utter shame mixed with the disgust that reads "who just cut one?" Ah well. The things that connect you to songs, right? A great, great song, both versions. I lean towards the original, but the cover is unstoppable.

OhOh.

Never been worried about the Sun coming up tomorrow morning until now.

BBC Show du jour

Detectorists

Written by and starring Gareth from the original Office (a BBC show I’ve curiously never watched), this is show whose subtle humor, beautiful setting and slow, quiet pace are just what you need on a cold winter night.

Available on Hulu and Netflix.

Happy Birthday

To the late, great Roger Lloyd Pack, i.e. Trigger  :)

YES!

52 Years Ago Today

...is there ANY moment in history as exciting as those days when the Beatles come to America? I'm floored every time I see footage of this, or read the stories of djs announcing by the minute where their plane is over the Atlantic. The music was over the top great and about to change the world, and then they show up and they're funny to boot. All that black and white footage is exhilarating, and then the timing...New York City looks like it's having one big snow day, right? Unreal. I can not think of a single more exciting moment where culture, media and tomorrow comes together all at once. And when you see the films, knowing that they ended up NOT being little boy band pussies, that they really were the best makes it even better. How unreal must it have been to be on of the very 4 young men at the epicenter of this craziness? Did iut suck being everyone else? - XMASTIME

Thoughts. I Have Them.

Can't say I'd be too upset if someone put together a Car Wheels on a Gravel Road tribute record.

JP!

I first mentioned the great Fresh Meat (along with the hat trick of Joe Thomas) a few days ago, and after burning through the first 3 series, the character of JP is an all-time BBC sitcom character for me. Not quite Jay Cartwright from The Inbetweeners, but a hilarious character whose snobbery ends up making his "real" moments with the other characters (in particular, his attachment to Howard at times) that much more impactful.

Sad du Jour

Edgar Mitchell, an astronaut from Apollo 14, has died.

He was 85 years old. Only 7 men who have walked on the moon are left.  In a few short years, for the first time since July 19, 1969 there will be no living men who have set foot on the moon. :(

Thoughts. I Have Them.

Really starting to dawn on me my home life is a mix of the BBC's Miranda and PBS' classic The Steven Banks Show (sad for me, but both are all-time slices, btw.) 

Memory Lane with Xmastime

(Reprinted from November 2007)




I took Physics in 11th grade when I was in high school. We had a new teacher that year, her name was Mrs. Bame. She was probably all of 26 years old; her being a teacher of course made us assume she was older than the hills. Looking back now, she mighta been the one teacher we had that I might've allowed to seduce me with amorous relations.

Let’s just say I wasn’t a Physics genius. I reckon I topped out in the sciences the year before, when for my “science project” I flipped a coin 500 times to determine if the theory of probability was true. Answer? “YES.” I got a single piece of posterboard; on one side I wrote “HEADS: 249” and the other side was “TAILS: 251.” Hey, I didn’t wanna make it too obvious that I hadn’t bothered actually flipping the coin by putting 250 on each side, so I mixed it up a bit. Clever. I should’ve won an Oscar the next day when Mr. Young tried to insinuate that I hadn’t worked very hard on the project with the cleverly disguised critique of “It looks as if you did almost zero work on this.” To which of course I flipped out, indignation raging. “what?!?!? I flipped a coin 500 TIMES!!!!” I guess after that experience, I soured on science. What can I say.

So the next year, about 6 minutes into my Physics career I realized “this MIGHT have been a huge mistake.” So I did what any smart, resourceful young student would do in a time of crisis: start badgering the teacher to let us play kickball. Every day in the beginning of class I’d start the whining. “Come on Mrs. Bame, it’s so nice outside! Let’s all go outside and play kickball! Camon! Camoooooooooooooooon!” Her being so young and inexperienced she was easily rattled, so I was able to keep this up for bout two weeks. Whenever she’d make the mistake of calling on me in class I’d act distracted, staring out the window “…wha? I’m sorry what was the question?...I was just thinking boy, it’s too nice outside, we should be out there playing kickball…” I was, in a word, relentless. I knew that unless I spent the next 9 months distracting her with kickball dreams she would realize I knew nothing about physics and therein my dreams of failing out of community college would be down the shitter. The one thing I did understand the whole class was when one day, for no conceivable reason, she brought in a tape of “Mystic Pizza” and we watched it. I have no idea what that had to do with Physics, unless it’s has something to do with how Annabeth Gish’s career disappeared into outer space. “The Ione Skye of 1988.”

Luckily, I only had to keep it up for about 2 weeks; I finally cashed in my chips and dropped the class.

Fast forward to months later, there’s about 2 weeks left in the school year and I’m sitting at a table in one of my record-setting 14 study halls for the day. Prolly putting together my endless lists of “Favorite Ramones records, In Order” over over. Or theorizing a way people could use a system of interlinked, hypertext documents accessed via their networked computers to communicate with each other. Either way, I’m pretty sure a paper football was on the table. So I’m sitting there and I see Mrs. Bame walking in. Big smile, little wave, she’s walking over to the study hall “teacher.” I’m kinda watching for no reason, they both laugh while looking at me. I’m like, are they talking about me? What the fuck? What’re they looking at, is my dick hanging out? I looked down at my shoes and saw no, it wasn’t. Mrs. Bame walks straight over to me. We exchange hellos etc and then I’m finally like so….what’s…up? I can still see her beaming smile, I can still see the LL Bean tote bag she then reached into, pulling out a big red rubber ball. “It’s so nice out. Let’s go play some kickball.” My class roared from out in the hallway where they had been waiting, and I rose up – I can still feel the smile cracking my face as I walked to them, and then we all ran outside and spent the next 2 hours playing kickball. Fucking awesome.

Buddy Holly

I've heard about Paul McCartney's The Real Buddy Holly Story for years but never have been able to find it; now thanks to YouTube of course it's right at your fingers.

Apparently Paul was miffed with the 1978 classic The Buddy Holly Story not being very factual, so he produced this movie made up of interviews with Buddy's family & friends and includes performcnces from Paul himself. Awesome.

Note du Jour

Still have the dream of making James Swanson's brilliant Manhunt into a movie comedy, btw.

Feb 3, 1959: the Day the Music Died

(reprinted every year on this day...which means you'd think it'd be better, but eff it.)

Today is The Day the Music Died – the day Buddy Holly died. No offense to Ritchie Valens, who was young and did have some great hits, or the Big Bopper who, inexplicably, has a box set available. I’m assuming there are 60 versions of Chantilly Lace on there.

Like any kid who grew up loving rock n roll and then bought a guitar, Buddy is a hero of mine – one of the first rock n roll guys I fell in love with; was always “my guy.” Amazing songs, amazing guitar, and looked a little geeky. With his perfect combination of simple, heartfelt songs mixed with studio experimentation (e.g. double-tracking vocals, bringing in strings for True Love Ways) it’s a downright crime we never got to hear more than the first 18 months of his career before he hit the ground in Clear Lake, Iowa. We can dream about what he would have done with the Beatles and the millions of other bands that were a direct result of his records, but of course we’ll never know. Every coupla years I go through an extended period of becoming obsessed with Buddy – listening to nothing but him, playing his songs only and watching The Buddy Holly Story over and over. One time back in college I had a million pops and then called directory assistance in Lubbock, TX and tried to get a hold of his parents. I’m sure had we talked, I would have been amazing. Hmm.

So anyways, raise your glass tonight for Buddy Holly.

State du Moi

Can't say I'm thrilled with how my Lingerie Football Fantasy League team is shaping up.

An American Success Story

Today Uber held a promotion for a dog adoption place by bringing puppies for you to play with for 15 minutes in the hopes you'd adopt one. I've never seen an entire office come together to work so hard to get anything done like I witnessed us all trying to get those puppies. I mean, I put less effort to get into college than I did trying to get a gotdam Uber puppy.

Finally, one of us hit pay dirt. I've celebrated weddings and births yet I have never been as excited for another human being as I am for the guy in my office who got an Uber puppy delivered.

Must say, post-puppy depression really hit us hard after they were gone.

Memory Lane

Thoughts. I Have Them.

The one reason a Rubio presidency would be nice is that with his panicked style of speaking every State of the Union would be about 4 minutes long.

EMERGENCY XMASTIME TV ALERT!

Tonight on American Experience - the death of James Garfield.

Featuring, of course, my favorite presidential assassin ever!

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one; Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun...

....the greatest show ever is no longer on Hulu :( #onlyfoolsandhorses

Billion Dollar Idea

A weight loss program for which you pay a beautiful woman to come to your house not to have sex, but to yell at you about eating crappy food & not exercising.